From the GREAT STATE OF MAINE…
Monday Margaret and Helen Blogging
Whoa. Helen, one half of the blogosphere's feistiest octogenarian duo ("Best friends for 60 years and counting") published a rant for the record books, taking on twitter…
I came. I tweeted. And I got covered in shit. Probably because Twitter is chock-full of assholes who don’t know the difference between your and you’re.
Roger Stone's delicate fee-fees…
On Friday, a jackass named Roger Stone whined that the FBI had raided his home leaving himself, his dog, his wife (in that order) and even his neighbor forever traumatized. From his description, it’s hard to believe he was able to pull it all together in time to make a speech, do a few radio interviews, and then finish it off with a couple of cable news shows, all while hoping someone would ask him about how he once took out personal ads referring to himself as a body builder with a hot wife looking for muscular studs for threesomes. Yep. True story. Stone is a real asshat.
Trump and his cult…
One day the history books will tell the story of how Trump became president because a bunch of racists inbred to the point that they had the attention span of a gnat.
If your family tree goes in a straight line, I’ve got a red hat to sell you. Yep. I’m a bitch. Screw you MAGA nation. You screwed up Christianity and now you’ve screwed up the United States of America. All because you think an immigrant stole your job. Well here’s 280 characters for you:
An immigrant who achieves the American Dream didn’t steal anything from you or your family. They just wanted it more than you and worked harder than you. And they did it with all the odds stacked against them. If your life sucks lemons, a wall isn’t going to turn it to lemonade.
Sexism…
Nancy Pelosi is one hell of a leader despite the fact that we require her to work twice as hard and endlessly prove herself worthy of her job. Nancy isn’t just matching Fred Astaire’s dance moves step-for-step backwards and in heels, she’s reminding the entire world that if women were allowed to take the reins, some important shit could finally get done.
And also bad journalism, good journalism, the recent Texas voter fraud hoax, Tucker Carlson, twitter again, and gun violence. Oh, and the F-word…
[D]o you realize how hard it is to talk about Donald Trump and not use that word? It’s god-damn near fucking impossible. I mean it. Really.
Pour a tall cuppa java (but not that Starbucks sludge at least until Captain Four Percent leaves the race) and savor the rest here. Chances are you won’t need caffeine for the rest of the day.
Cheers and Jeers starts below the fold...[Swoosh!!] RIGHTNOW! [Gong!!]
Cheers and Jeers for Monday, February 4, 2019
Note: When I'm sent to the old age home in 2050 and I tell the nurses I used to blog at Daily Kos, they'll nod politely and then scrawl "TROLL" on my chart. For I have been accidentally dropped off at the Breitbart Home for the Infirm...and I shall get no pudding.
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By the Numbers:
Days 'til President Lincoln's birthday: 8
Days 'til the Street Eats Food Truck Festival in Scottsdale, Arizona: 12
Number of presidents besides Trump who have never reached 50 percent approval in Gallup polling: 0
Rank of Denmark on the Corruption Perceptions Index of the least corrupt countries in the world: #1
Rank of the United States: #22
Percent of high school students who identify as transgender, according to CDC data: 2%
Amount Elizabeth Warren's "wealth tax" would raise over 10 years from the uber-rich: $2.75 trillion
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Puppy Pic of the Day: Yeah…not even close.
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CHEERS to the new kid on the stump. C&J welcomes the junior senator from New Jersey to the ever-expanding ring in which Democratic presidential contenders have tossed their assorted headgear. We hear he'll have an official campaign kickoff rally when he secures a formal venue. Unfortunately, that's proving to be a bit of a problem, according to this recently-acquired cell phone transcript:
"Thank you for calling the Newark Plaza events desk. Who do you wish to book for an event, please?"
"Booker."
"Yes, I am the booker. Who would you like to book?"
"Booker."
"You're talking to the booker, sir. I'm asking whom you wish to book?"
"Booker!!!"
"Look, pal, I don’t have time for these prank calls. If you won’t tell me whom you wish to book, I'm hanging up."
"Book…"
"Goodbye."
[Click.]
Not a problem. They should have it cleared up by Iowa. New Hampshire tops.
CHEERS to the First Great Hippie Convergence of Aught Nineteen. A good time was had by all at the winter Daily Kos/C&J Meetup at the Farm Barn and Grille in Kittery, Maine Sunday. Here’s the motley crew, caught here in the middle of plotting something or other nefarious:
In attendance to talk politics, life, and all things post-blue-wave were Kossacks brillig, Ed Tracey, Mayim, Parson's Beach & Jim, Vacationland, bjedward, Thestral, Northerntier & Frank, freedapeople Common Sense Mainer, Bill in Portland Maine, and our intrepid host and organizer nhox42. And we also welcomed special guests Melissa (mww01833 here at Daily Kos) and Bob, the former of whom is the sister of regular meetup attendee and kiddie pool splasher JBL55, who passed away late last year and whom we miss very much. On the positive side, we did finish drafting Articles of Impeachment and courier-pigeoned them down to Speaker Pelosi's window ledge. By the way, let us know in C&J if you'd like us to give your next meetup some publicity. They're fun, they’re cathartic and, as always, time spent at a meetup is never deducted from your lifespan.
CHEERS to #1. On February 4, 1789, George Washington---whom today's right-wingers would despise because he preferred bowing to shaking hands---clinched the presidency with 69 electoral votes. Upon hearing the news, he said his feelings were "...not unlike those of a culprit who is going to the place of his execution." His first official act: providing all Americans equal access to quality mattresses at low, low discount prices, a February tradition that lives on to this day.
CHEERS to today's edition of Point/Counterpoint. Point:
White House press hack Sarah Huckabee Sanders set out this week to rally the flock behind the wolf in shepherd's clothing. During an interview with the Christian Broadcasting Network, Sanders pointed out that God Himself was a major donor to Trump's 2016 campaign and still stands by the president: "I think God calls all of us to fill different roles at different times and I think that he wanted Donald Trump to become president, and that's why he's there."
Counterpoint: Sarah, you ignorant slut…
This has been today’s edition of Point/Counterpoint.
CHEERS to Super Bowl fever! Wow---that game was awesome! Did you see how [quarterback] executed that awesome [pass play] [running play] in the [First] [second] [Third] [Fourth] quarter??? Holy cow! And when [player] took the ball and [ran] [threw] [kicked] for that [touchdown] [field goal] [extra point], that was...well, it was just [amazing] [unbelievable] [bullshit]. At least [half-time entertainer] did a reasonably good job of [singing] [dancing] [eating fire] [exposing his/her private parts]. And the commercial with the [baby] [puppy] [pony] [talking car] was clearly the [best] [worst]. I'll never [forget] [remember] it!!!
CHEERS to the gift that just kept on giving. Happy birthday to former Vice President Dan Quayle, who turns 72 today, and of whom Molly Ivins once said, "If you put that man's brain in a bumblebee, it would fly backwards." He certainly wasn't an evil vice president like Dick Cheney, but I still want to see him tried in the International Criminal Court for torturing the English language:
“If we don't succeed we run the risk of failure.”
“One word sums up probably the responsibility of any vice-president, and that one word is 'to be prepared.'”
“What a waste it is to lose one's mind. Or not to have a mind is being very wasteful. How true that is.”
"I have made good judgments in the past. I have made good judgments in the future."
"[It's] time for the human race to enter the solar system."
"A low voter turnout is an indication of fewer people going to the polls."
You’re still no Jack Kennedy, Dan. But you're also not your un-self-aware son who said in this campaign ad that Barack Obama was the worst president in history and then got booted after one sorry-ass term in Congress. So for today only---in honor of the occasion and for all the laughter ya brung us---we'll let potato have an e.
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Ten years ago in C&J: February 4, 2009
WOW! to all the pretty new faces. A whopping thirteen percent of the Senate membership is brand spankin' new this year. If you're having as much trouble remembering their names as I am, here's a handy guide you can clip out and tape to your eyelids:
Mark Begich of Alaska
Mark Udall of Colorado
Mike Bennett of Colorado
Mark Warner of Virginia
Jeanne Shaheen of New Hampshire
Bonnie Newman of New Hampshire
Jeff Merkley of Oregon
Kay Hagan Of North Carolina
Tom Udall of New Mexico
Roland Burris of Illinois
Al Franken of Minnesota [Eventually]
Ted Kaufman of Delaware
Kirsten Gillibrand of New York
Be sure to tune in to C-SPAN today at 1 for the traditional hazing ritual known as "The Kissing of Senator Byrd's Freshly-Buttered Tuckus." It's probably best if you tell the children to leave the room.
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And just one more…
CHEERS to furry fortunetellers. Let's take a spin and find out how the rodents did Saturday morning:
Shubenacadie Sam (Nova Scotia): Six more weeks of winter
Staten Island Chuck: Early spring!
Wiarton Willie (Ontario): Early spring!
Dunkirk Dave (Dunkirk, NY): Early spring!
Punxsutawney Phil: At Gobblers Knob, PA, the "official" groundhog predicts an early spring!
Shubenacadie Sam (Nova Scotia): Early spring!
Buckeye Chuck (Marion, OH): Early spring!
General Beauregard Lee (Lilburn, GA): Who cares? We don’t recognize groundhogs named after racist traitors.
“Jimmy” (Sun Prairie, Wisconsin): Early spring!
Fred la marmotte (Quebec): Six more weeks of winter
Final verdict: the majority says early spring! (Disclaimer: only if Trump doesn’t cause an early nuclear winter first.)
Have a tolerable Monday. Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?
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Today's Shameless C&J Testimonial
In the end, Cheers and Jeers is a pretty soulless piece of politics about the soullessness of politics; but that doesn’t mean it can’t have a little fun proving its point.
---David Sims, The Atlantic
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