Yes, this diary is the epitome of white privilege hitting you and a crisis changing a person. I ALREADY KNOW AND AM WORKING ON THIS. If you came here to scold a person for trying to be better, please leave the pie at the door so I can eat it and turn around and walk away from here. Same if you hijack it with your agenda to throw pie at each other. I cannot stop it obviously, but think about why you are treating a potential ally this way…
“You catch more flies with honey than vinegar”.
I grew up in small town America in the rural midwest. That imprints upon you as a child. You are expected to fit into the clique (I never did), go to church (I did religiously), go to high school football (every Friday night). Typical rural white small town Americana white supremacy culture. The only world and culture these people know. Obama NAILED them in 2008 when he said they “cling to their religion and their guns” because they are bitter.
I entered into high school as your typical pompous conservative ass with a brain who thinks they know how the world works. I was a nightmare in government class, debate class, and every other class. But this allowed for my first chink in the armor — my first chance to escape.
I went to a school far enough away from home that allowed me to be free of the expectations of my small town in America. I was allowed into the Honors College with high honors. Didn’t last long as a small town conservative ass in that space, but lasted long enough to be part of a foreign exchange student program. He was from Kuwait, and came during the Iraq War. AWKWARD! I supported the war at the time. Long story short, he turned me against the Iraq War and against evangelical Christianity because he gave me a balanced view if Islam and held a mirror up to my warped view of Christianity. I didn’t like what I saw in the obvious fundamentalism parallels. The first chink in the armor was created. I still want to be Jesus spiritual because there is a lot of good in that message, but “Christian”? Not as I see it!
That chink allowed me to see Sarah Palin for who she truly was in 2008. She was the small town America that I had started to leave behind, and a dangerous village idiot elevated well beyond her station. I know her type back at home in my small town. I avoided those people like the plague. I didn’t vote for Obama for his policies so much as I voted AGAINST Palin.
Unfortunately, I flunked out of college (I wasn’t ready) and went to a local college, and by 2010 I was back in small town rural Michigan. I admit, I fell for the idea of the Tea Party. I saw what I thought as the abandonment of my small town by the nebulous “government” (ARRA was rabbit holed) and the Tea Party was the only thing screaming about the abandonment. In small town world, they only saw Wall Street get bailed out and scraps for them. Not the fault of Obama, but he got the blame anyways (not one of us, conned us: dog whistle alert!) I fell for One Tough Nerd in 2010 and voted for him.
By 2012, I was still fairly conservative, and I was in student teaching. Romney was the plutocrat rich patrician city slicker that small town rural America HATES. They see a Romney coming and they think they are about to be conned. They are right. I also had a medical crisis that could have ended my dream career as a teacher in passing a kidney stone. I would have been kicked out of the program and medically bankrupt if not for “Obamacare” (the ACA) keeping me on the plan of my parents until I was 26. My vote for Obama in 2012 was a thank you for passing that law. Another chink in my “gub’mint is bad” armor had been shattered. The government had been a positive in my life!
2014 led to another vote for that One Tough Nerd Snyder. This is the ONLY vote I absolutely regret in retrospect. 2010 I didn’t know better. 2014, had I looked, I would have seen EFM bias and especially Flint. My head still believed the fairy tale. The Flint Water Crisis was another breaking point for me, and showed me that this “technocratic Republican” idea was a LIE. Smart conservative was becoming harder to justify.
I watched in horror as Donald Trump gained power in the 2016 primary. I was smart enough to see through the con, but small town America saw Trump’s campaign as an avatar for their imagined white grievance politics and couldn’t see that he was an even worse con man than Romney. TV sold them on WWE wrestling cameos (underrated gateway into toxic male masculinity) and played a fake businessman on a mediocre reality TV show.
Problem is, small town America had conditioned me to detest Hillary Clinton. They’ve been attacking her on talk radio for 30 years now, and small town America laps up those sweet sweet lies. What broke through to me was the importance of a fair minded Supreme Court (at the time). I watched in horror as the Senate failed to consider someone I thought was a perfect person to put on the court in Merrick Garland. The #1 reason I voted for Clinton in 2016 was the Supreme Court hypocrisy. I was a Lincoln Project Never Trump Republican. I voted for John McCain in 2016 for Senate as I moved out to Arizona. Nothing informed, but I knew McCain and Kirkpatrick was an unknown to me. I wanted to vote for him in 2008, but Palin foreclosed upon that deal. It was the LAST Republican I would ever vote for. He did give me one last reward by using the thumbs down as a HUGE fuck you to killing the ACA. My relationship with him is… complicated now. Never meet your childhood heroes — they always disappoint you when they come out from the facade.
2018 brought a special election in my home district, AZ 08, between Dr. Hiral Tiperneni and Debbie Lesko. I had signed up for mail in ballots, because I didn’t know where the polling place out there was and I had trouble surviving on the margins “pulling yourself up by the bootstraps” as it was to figure it out. Only ONE organization took a chance and texted me and reached out to me. It was “One Arizona”, a grassroots progressive organization. They likely saw that I was new and could be a swing vote in a close special election. They were patient with me. They wore me down as they told me how Arizona worked.
They gained one vote for Dr. Hiral Tipirneni. If not for them, I’d likely have turned into a non-voter in a state that needed me. Sinema vs. McSally was going to be a CLOSE race. I know people hate Sinema here, but Arizona isn’t ready for Ruben Gallego, let alone Raul Grijalva state wide. Voted for Sinema. She won.
2020 I was firmly a fan of the Lincoln Project. I was on the Biden train from day 1. I saw him as the only possible candidate to beat the mad man in office. I didn’t need to follow the primaries because I had already made my general election choice. I watched from the comfort of my small town privilege the wonderful African Americans and Jim Clyburn bail us out again and revived Biden in South Carolina. From there, it was easy — Biden and John James this time!
Funny thing happened on the way there though. The Covid response was so incompetent, I started looking abroad for better ones. I was shocked by what other countries could accomplish. I particularly rated Germany, New Zealand, Taiwan, and Canada as good government examples. I took the pandemic seriously when my parents (who I found out were Democrats the whole time) warned me. It didn't matter. My white privileged ass had plenty of skin in the game now! I had to rethink everything, and it led to THIS realization. It takes a lot of work to overcome small town Americana culture, but I did so thanks to a crisis. I decided that the Bernie/AOC/Squad left made a lot of sense.
But I still pined for my old life in the Lincoln Project blissful bubble, I still wanted to be that smart conservative in my youth! That door, I decided, was forever not an option. However, I still retained my smart brain and a pragmatic streak. I might be AOC adjacent now, but I am not 100% on board yet.
Here is what I believe that you need to know:
1) Donald Trump lost the election by ONLY 45,000 votes due to our rigged system we are trapped with right now. Our election was about the #Cult45 versus reality. WE NEEDED EVERY PART OF THE COALITION. We needed an unprecedented youth vote, an unprecedented Native American vote, and so on. We needed centrist Democrats. We needed the Lincoln Project too. Cindy McCain made Arizona possible along with Four Directions and One Arizona. Wisconsin wasn’t possible without Madison/inner Milwaukee AND the Lincoln Project defectors in the counties surrounding it. Georgia was so close we needed EVERYONE.
We can pie fight all we want, but when push comes to shove, we better swallow our pride and vote for reality until the #Cult45 is utterly destroyed. It’s a painful pledge. We can fight later. The Lincoln Project will split between types like me, Steve Schmidt, and Stuart Stevens; the ones who are in it for the grift will be our enemies later on. BOTH are possible in that awkward coalition.
2) I am pragmatic. I might be near AOC politically now, but some of the methods of the Squad backfire. “You catch more flies with honey than vinegar”. Arizona is NOT ready to support Ruben Gallego (about 6-10 years away), let alone Raul Grijalva (I wish!). We have to settle for Sinema and Kelly at first. Just like the first Senator to break through in Virginia was the awful Jim Webb. But he left eventually, to be replaced by someone better Kaine, who will have to adapt to the changing Virginia or be replaced. That’s how more and better should work! You have to allow the macro trend to happen through retirements and outliers, while micro targeting the outliers (Lipinski, Clay, Engel, Crowley) where we can.
3) We spend too much time staring at the Washington posturing and allowing the Orange Baby to live rent free in our heads. I am guilty of this too! We focus on the macro level because we are impatient. If we want better Democrats, we need to be radical and support authentic grassroots better. We need the Fair Fight model in EVERY state going forward! Subscribe to some of them with a buck or two or three for your years. That small change adds up over time. It crowdfunds the 50 state strategy because the Washington initials brigade ain’t gonna do it! Incumbents rightfully protect their own.
Well, now you know everything about me politically. I’m going to continue to try to be a better person, open my horizons, and spend my time influencing you to think in different ways that you do already. I will try not to judge you if you don't judge me. Don’t mold me into you, because I have trouble enough being me!