The tRump administration has gained a reputation for being carelessly haphazard, slapdash and imbecilic when it comes the policies, executive orders and most recently royal edicts they roll out for public consumption. This is an unfair characterization. Yes, the policies are haphazard, slapdash and imbecilic. However, the roll out is anything but careless. All announcements from this administration, including tweets, are first run through a rigorous six-point testing regimen before they are even considered for publication.
The crack staff at the NNNE Investigative Division™ have obtained an annotated copy of the testing criteria.
Evaluating Proposed White House Information Releases
Part One:
All communications from the White House must pass pre-release screening. The criteria is as follows.
These questions must be answered in the context of the proposed statement or document.
- What would a caring person do? [Is this something a caring or considerate person would be likely to say, do or recommend?] [Yes or No]
- What would a sane person do? [Is this something a sane or coherent person would be likely to say, do or recommend?] [Yes or No]
- What would a smart person do? [Is this something a smart or educated person would be likely to say, do or recommend?] [Yes or No]
- What would an honest person do? [Is this something an honest or ethical person would be likely to say, do or recommend?] [Yes or No]
- What would a generous person do? [Is this something a generous or giving person would be likely to say, do or recommend?] [Yes or No]
- Finally, what would Obama do? [Is this something Obama would be likely to say, do or recommend?] [Yes or No]
If the answer to any of the first five key questions was yes, then all copies of the statement or document are to be burned and their author transferred to day care duties in the Residence picking ticks of the rodent atop the president’s head.
If the answer to the sixth key question was yes, the author will be turned over to Attorney General Barr for secret prosecution under the Patriot Act as amended by the Executive Order naming Barack Obama as an agent of Kenya and China, followed by summary execution.
Part Two:
If the statement or document passed initial muster it shall be released based on the current perceived threat level of whatever presidential crime the press is investigating at the moment. In times of high threat, documents with a high disruption coefficient will move to the front of the queue. In times of low threat, more mundane offerings will be released. This way, there should always be something cruel, insane, stupid or offensive available to distract the media and give the White House some breathing room to come up with a series of new excuses and people to blame for whatever the President did.
Paula White has suggested we only release policies and statements that would have been approved by Gun-totin’ Prosperity Jesus. This proposal is still being evaluated.
As always, by order of President Putin, these regulations do not apply to Donald tRump.
Up the Resistance!
Memaliciousness
After twenty days, I’m going to stop calling it a readership drive. Now it just a plea and a way to pad out the word count for my Soros check (still waiting, George). I’ve only had to make two memes so far. You have it within your power to make me work. If you spread the word about Evening Shade and your spreadee announces themselves in the comments, you will become eligible to receive your very, very special noprize of a meme of your very own. All you have to do is jump up and get out there and start carnival barking, cajoling, proselytizing (or pimping, if you are of an irreligious bent). You could even pester and push. Procrastination is not an option — it’s a way of life.
Today it was chloris creator’s turn to use an GNR to lift us up and prepare us for the Nutjob onslaught about to hit our shores (and drown under a blue wave): Good News Roundup for Friday, May 29, 2020: Fierce Fight for Freedoms (& Superheroes Wear Masks)
WYgalinCali was all over the world (the Arctic to Africa to Costa RIca to the US) and the animal kingdom (narwhals, dogs, koalas, ducks and mama cats) to provide a nice diversion: A Breath of Fresh Air for Friday