How To Jen Psaki
Step 1: Take “gotcha” question from right-wing journalist.
Step 2: Pop right-wing journalist’s balloon with facts and a smile.
Step 3: Hand right-wing journalist back his shredded balloon and thank him for playing.
And that’s how you Jen Psaki.
Note: The internet tells me that today is "No Housework Day." Or, as most people call it: "Day That Ends In Y Day."
-
By the Numbers:
Days 'til the new May 17 income tax deadline: 40
Estimated months it'll take to hit 75% vaccination in the U.S. at the current rate, according to Bloomberg News: 3 months
Months it'll take Britain and Canada, respectively, to hit 75%: 5, 10
Number of vacancies in federal courts at the moment: 68
Percent of Democrats polled by Gallup who believed in 2001 and 2021, respectively, that the effects of global warming "have already begun": 45%, 82%
Americans polled by Gallup in 2000 and 2020, respectively, who said they were members of a house of worship: 68%, 47%
Estimated percent of credit card fraud claims in the U.S. during and after the 2020 elections that the Trump campaign accounted for because it kept hitting donors' credit cards every month: 3%
-
Mid-week Rapture Index: 187 (including 5 Marks of the Beast and… Oops! Marjorie Taylor Greene says you should make that six). Soul Protection Factor 16 lotion is recommended if you’ll be walking amongst the heathen today.
-
Puppy Pic of the Day: Audio menu…
-
CHEERS to the quiet sheriff. I've been seeing some rumblings among restless Demon Rats on Twitter along the lines of, "Hey, where's Merrick Garland? Why isn’t he doing anything about the Capitol rioters? Is he on vacation already or what?!!" If I could meet these precious souls in person, I'd pat them on the head, direct them to Dave Neiwart's latest Daily Kos column, and reassure them that AG Garland is stealthily creating ulcers in the rotten bellies of the Trump cultists now cowering in their Jefferson Davis jammies under their Gadsden flag blankies in their mom’s mildewed basements:
Quietly and with little fanfare, the Biden administration has been taking all the right steps early in its tenure in confronting the threat of right-wing extremist violence and its spread—a mandate handed to Biden by the insurrectionists who attacked the U.S. Capitol on Jan. 6.
Rather than take a high-profile approach that might backfire, Biden’s Justice Department and FBI, and to a lesser extent its Department of Homeland Security, have wisely taken a low-key route that emphasizes competence and effectiveness, as a New York Times piece explored this weekend. […]
Indictments from the insurrection now number more than 300, prosecutors are establishing evidence of a clear chain of conspiracy leading to the attack focusing on Proud Boys and Oath Keepers, and arrests for criminal behavior by far-right extremists unrelated to the attack are occurring as well. It’s a welcome change from the malign neglect of the matter paid by Donald Trump and his administration.
It's good timing, prison space-wise. The lily-white traitors can occupy cells now being vacated by Black small-time drug offenders freed by new marijuana-legalization laws. Oh, arc of the moral universe, you bendy little tease.
CHEERS to poignant reminders of them who brung ya to the dance. Joe Biden posted this endorsement by Congressman John Lewis one year ago today, and one day before he became the presumptive Democratic nominee for president:
If anyone ever owed anyone anything, now-President Biden—and Democrats in Congress—owe John's legacy the passage of the John Lewis Voting Rights Advancement Act and the For the People Act. It'll require weakening or abolishing an arcane Senate rule used by Republicans to advance and protect Jim Crow laws. If they can't achieve that bit of "good trouble" while they're standing on John’s shoulders, they should resign in disgrace. We're all watching you, Joe. Manchin.
CHEERS to escaping hell in a handbasket. 255 years ago this week, in April of 1766, the first fire escape was patented—it consisted of a wicker basket lowered by a pulley and chain. Of course they've evolved a lot since then. The new wicker fire escape baskets have GPS and a cup holder.
-
BRIEF SANITY BREAK
-
-
END BRIEF SANITY BREAK
-
JEERS to swirling eyes of evil. If it's April, it must be hurricane season…or, to be more specific, hurricane prediction season. First out of the gate is AccuWeather, the Pennsylvania-based private company that in 2005 lined Senator Rick Santorum's campaign coffers in exchange for his promise to try and neuter the National Weather Service and eliminate them as a forecasting competitor. What a dick move. But they have some decent meteorologists, so it's worth hearing what they have to say about the upcoming season:
AccuWeather’s team of tropical weather experts, led by veteran meteorologist Dan Kottlowski, predicts that the 2021 Atlantic hurricane season will result in 16-20 named storms, including seven to 10 hurricanes. Of the storms projected to reach hurricane strength, three to five are predicted to become major hurricanes(Category 3 or higher storms that have maximum sustained winds of 111 mph or greater).[…]
The official start date to the Atlantic season is June 1, but in recent years, named storms have become common in May and even as early as April. Kottlowski said that based on current trends and the warm waters in the primary tropical breeding grounds of the Atlantic, he expects a “higher-than-normal” chance of a preseason storm to develop this year. […]
“Another issue that we will face still is the COVID-19 pandemic," he said. "This is still going to cause major concerns for evacuation centers. Don’t wait until August or September, during the heart of the hurricane season, to figure out what you’re going to do. The time is now for you to plan.”
The names for 2021's tropical storms are listed here. The B name this year is "Bill." And since I'm gay, I of course control the impact of my hurricanes much more than the average person. So don’t piss me off and maybe I'll just bend your palm trees a little bit.
JEERS to landing on your two lying feet. Fox News has hired a new contributor. It's quite a coup: now on Rupert Murdoch's payroll, having also been wooed by such upstanding outlets as Breitbart, OANN, Insurrection Monthly, and Hooters, is former White House press secretary Kayleigh McEnany. In case you've already forgotten her, she’s this fine upstanding American citizen:
Her job in the Trump White House was to lie to the public about Trump's lies to the public. So she'll fit right in. (Just one piece of advice, ma'am: since it's Fox News, you'll want to go to work with a can of mace, a sidearm, a pre-filled-out restraining order, and, just in case you find yourself alone in an elevator with Hannity, a bear trap chastity belt.)
-
Ten years ago in C&J: April 8, 2011
JEERS to pundits tripping over their own punditry laces. David Brooks, who has been seen everywhere but the Hoboken Dairy Queen hawking his damn book, is a' tingle over the "most courageous" and "most comprehensive" Paul Ryan budget, and he'll tell you why and you better read it because he's serious and knows what he's talkin' about, bub. For example, he writes:
The Ryan budget will please governors of both parties by turning Medicaid into a block grant—giving states more flexibility.
Yay!!! All the governors will love it! Let's see how long it took to burst that bold prediction, shall we? 'Bout a day and a half:
HuffPo's Sam Stein reports that 17 Democratic governors have already weighed in, stating their opposition to the proposal in a letter to congressional leaders.
Oh, and Mr. Brooks would like you to buy his book. I believe it comes in the form of a scroll. Extra bonus: the pages are two-ply and extra quilted.
-
And just one more…
CHEERS to the sounds of our lives. The Library of Congress has added another 25 American audio gems to its National Recording Registry, a list of audio bon mots that ranges from the 1878 "oldest playable recording of an American voice" to Janet Jackson's Rhythm Nation 1984…from Louis Armstrong's When the Saints Go Marching In (1938) to Phil Rizzuto’s radio play-by-play of Roger Maris's 61st home run.
“The National Recording Registry will preserve our history through these vibrant recordings of music and voices that have reflected our humanity and shaped our culture from the past 143 years,” Hayden said.
“We received about 900 public nominations this year for recordings to add to the registry, and we welcome the public’s input as the Library of Congress and its partners preserve the diverse sounds of history and culture.”
Under the terms of the National Recording Preservation Act of 2000, the Librarian of Congress, with advice from the National Recording Preservation Board, selects 25 titles each year that are “culturally, historically, or aesthetically significant” and are at least 10 years old.
You can see all the entries going back to the Registry's beginning in 2002 here. Failing to make the list for the 19th year in a row: "Bill in Portland Maine Belches the Alphabet." I have one word for this election system: Rigged!!!
Have a happy humpday. Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?
-
Today's Shameless C&J Testimonial
Trump biographer says needy Bill in Portland Maine is entering his 'Fat Elvis' period
—Mediaite
-