The Arizona GOP-led Maricopa County audit of ballots from last November’s presidential election has an official floating the bizarre theory of bamboo content in 40,000 ballots. It may indeed be the smoking gun they’ve been searching for proving once and for all that something shady transpired to tip victory in Joe Biden’s favor. A forensic investigation is underway with ballots being photographed and their fibers analyzed as “Asians” will have flown these pre-filled ballots into the state in order to stuff the ballot box.
After spitting out my coffee upon hearing this, I wondered whether this was a smart strategy to pile on hate-fueled rhetoric against Asian Americans. To find another reason to scapegoat us of Asian descent after doing so with the coronavirus. It sure would be timely and threads through an unfortunate narrative that we as an “other” cannot be trusted. So much so we would go out of our way to tamper with the vote. We all have seen headlines of violence against Asian Americans ratcheting up to alarming levels in recent months.
But it could also be a nod to Asian American and Pacific Islander Heritage Month which is being observed throughout this month of May. It was a weeklong observance in the Carter administration which was extended to an entire month under President George H. W. Bush. I prefer this interpretation. Afterall, when better to raise the profile of the diaspora and its engagement in American political dialogue, whether it be by flora or fauna?
I get why bamboo is suspect. This strange stalk has all of a sudden become ubiquitous in everyday living. Not just in chopsticks and placemats but also in pajamas and bedsheets. Regardless, let’s take a moment to examine the beauty and benefits of bamboo and how it may be meddling with election integrity.
Bamboo is a versatile grass plant. In Hong Kong, it is not uncommon to use it as sturdy scaffolding for the construction of skyscrapers. A curtain of bamboo can make for a meditative Zen setting in one’s backyard. It is among the fastest-growing plant species in the world not unlike the 23 million strong Asian Americans that comprise one of the fastest growing segments of the U.S. populace. Certain invasive species are banned in some communities including my local township in Bucks County, PA. The bamboo’s rapid growth and tolerance for marginal land means it serves to mitigate climate change. Another reason to be suspicious of any bamboo-traced ballots.
Most kinds of bamboo are native to warm and moist tropical and to warm temperate climates so any such ballots surviving Arizona’s desert conditions may be short-lived. Hope their lab analyses are quick and conclusive.
Here’s the catch though. Bamboo is not only native to east, southeast and south Asia but to Central America and Mexico as well. Even the Southeastern United States including The Grand Canyon State itself. Yes, there is an Arizona Timber Bamboo. Could a case be made that any bamboo ballots will not have made the long haul fight or swim across the Pacific but rather the Rio Grande (or driven over from Baja California)? A shorter distance to smuggle in so many ballots seems a more plausible scenario. Just saying. Whatever it takes to help the auditors along. But I digress.
If we are going to hone in on Asian origins for any ballot tampering let’s broaden the scope to look for traces of many more indigenous species from Asia. How about lotus, chrysanthemum, or jasmine? Rice paper anyone?
For that matter, let’s extend the suspect list to ballot stains of miso soup, pad thai, or chop suey.
Yeah, that last one is an American original.
Jobert E. Abueva is a writer and resident of New Hope, PA.