Conservatives gathered in Tampa, Florida, last weekend for a “Restore America” rally. They were entertained by the usual roster of QAnon conspiracy theorists, COVID-19 deniers, and stolen election zealots. Headliners at The River Church, pastored by right-wing conspiracy theorist Rodney Howard-Browne, included the likes of Michael Flynn, Roger Stone, Jackson Lahmeyer, Ann Vandersteelm KrisAnne Hall, Greg Locke, and dozens more.
And, like a fly to shit, Mike Lindell landed to present his latest prediction of the naked emperor’s re-enthronement. His certitude of the event was as firm as ever — although there was a shift in the date. Earlier predictions of an August triumph were replaced with a call for a fall restoration. Details.
Anyway, those expecting a reasoned linear argument were disappointed. But others — one suspects the vast majority — who wanted prognostication delivered in an incoherent rant, were ecstatic. Lindell brought his crazy A game and gave the crowd both barrels — good and hard.
Let’s pick apart his prophecy.
He started by excusing his repeated failures to bring about the divinely-mandated political realignment with the claim “we’ve been living in the twilight zone.” And complained “every time you have something real, they’re going, ‘We don’t we’re not gonna look at it,’ or the judges go, ‘We’re not gonna look at it.'” My best guess is that “they’re” refers to complacent election officials and liberal media types.
Not to worry, however, things would be different Lindell promised,
“you see, that’s all changing. What I’m going to do to get this to the world, it’s called a cyber symposium. And what it is, is I’m going to have a venue at the end of July—it’s your job, everybody, to get the word out to the world.”
At this symposium, he would host a group of “cyber guys” who would use “packet capture” to prove that the election was stolen. This may be a real thing, but I guarantee the audience had no idea what it meant. And if Lindell did, he didn’t explain how this maneuver would return Trump to the White House.
And he added that his cyber guys would be the real McCoy — fully accredited — no Cyber Ninja outfit for Mike.
“we’re going to get every cyber guy that has credentials—they’re called CISSP credentials—they’re going to be they’re going to be there.”
I did some research and a CISSP (Certified Information Systems Security Professional) is a real qualification. So that’s good. However, Lindell’s history of promising one thing and delivering another makes his commitment suspect. Especially as he then goes completely off the rails.
Then we’re bringing all the media. Maybe even Fox will show up! What a concept. And then we’re going to bring in all senators, governors—even the corrupt ones, Brian Kemp—and legislatures, secretary of states, and every single government official that wants to be there, because when we show them these packet captures, we’re gonna just give them out to all them cyber guys so they can have their own guy go, ‘How many votes were flipped here in Tampa?’ Here you go. Boom. It’s going to be a worldwide event. Millions are going to see it, and those Supreme Court justices are going to look at it then, and they’re going to go 9-0 that this country was attacked. The election is gonna come down. Donald Trump will be in office by this fall, for sure.”
Insanity. But what the hell, let’s play along. First, let’s note the Supreme Court will be in recess, so that bit is complete fantasy. All the Senators and Governors are going to show up? I think not. The media? Maybe, if Mike were a ratings-generator. But while the media lives for controversy, full-blown mental illness is still over the line. World-wide event? It will be competing with the Olympics
I’m sorry. I’m going to stop This man needs help. He has two ex-wives and four children. But perhaps he has burned those bridges. And of course, the man Lindell has lost his mind for isn’t about to lift a finger to help. Friends? Probably not. These transactional types don’t seem to form emotional attachments. I guess the evangelical Mike will have to hope for a Good Samaritan.