For those of you who feel it’s inappropriate to write this tongue-in-cheek diary on what would have been MLK’s 90th birthday, I apologize if it offends you in any way. As a writer by profession, I realize that I sometimes see things differently from others. I often dream about ideas, and write about them when I awaken, which is what happened here. I was dreaming about what would happen if MLK appeared in Trump’s dreams in an adaptation of Scrooge.
In terms of the diary, the bulk of the “past” section is from a 2016 article in Politico Magazine by Michael D. Antonio. I rewrote parts of it so that it could be in the former president’s words (if he actually was intelligent, had an adult vocabulary, and could speak full sentences). The reason I focused on the former guy’s childhood is that there are too many abuses to discuss from his presidency and his behavior afterwards. And, I’ve felt for some time that much of his behavior, which we have seen over and over again, was molded in his childhood. The bulk of the “future” section is from an article from Marshall Cohen in 2021 from CNN.
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My fellow Americans,
For the last two nights, I have had dreams in which the ghost of Martin Luther King came to me, and showed me my past, and my present. Because of the nature of my sins, he said we can’t discuss the future because everyone agrees that this country will only heal if my name is no longer mentioned.
In the past, MLK showed me who my father Fred actually was. In fact, “he was a real estate developer who established a web of political connections with cash. He used his relationships with politicians to access government programs, which offered subsidized financing to developers of apartment buildings. He hired clever lawyers like Roy Cohn to side-step the law!
“When my father was brought before the U.S. Senate committee investigating housing abuses, my father admitted his manipulation of the program even though I truly believed he had done nothing wrong. The committee did untold damage to my father’s standing and reputation.”
“My father’s reputation was further damaged in 1961 when he joined a group of government contractors who gave money to mayoral candidate Robert Wagner. Five years later, state officials called my father to testify about abuses in another housing subsidy program. In this case my father had inflated his take from the program with tricks like renting his own equipment, such as earth movers and tile cutting machines, to himself and then charging the state many times its value, which I thought was brilliant. My father was the smartest man I’ve ever known, he had 43 different companies, and these clever strategies were brilliant.
“While my father was busy working seven days a week, he rarely spent time with me and my siblings so he took us with him to work so we could watch him, and we mostly were raised by servants. People said that is why I became a bully, but the truth is that I loved to fight—“all kinds of fights, even physical”—and those weak teachers and administrators at my private school in Queens, New York, couldn’t control me.
“So, when I was twelve, my father abruptly sent me to New York Military Academy in Upstate New York. I didn’t understand why at the time, but being thrown into an aggressive and isolate subculture that prized physical toughness and defined manhood in the basest terms made me into who I am. I found a new role model and substitute father in Theodore Dobias, a combat veteran of World War II who had fought in some of the bloodiest battles in Italy and had seen Mussolini’s body swinging from a rope. “In those days they’d smack the hell out of you. Dobias could be a fucking prick. He absolutely would rough you up. You had to learn to survive.”
“I thrived in the NYMA environment where every boy competed for a spot in the pecking order and the strong dominated the weak. The survival-of-the-fittest ethic that infused the school could sometimes cause trouble: In my senior year, the school’s top three officials had to resign after a senior boy whipped a younger one with a chain and the victim wound up in the hospital. In that same year, I became the leader of the school’s marching unit and led them in a parade down Fifth Avenue. There is so much more, but these were my defining moments.”
In the future, I saw myself in jail for all my abuses as president, and my only companions are Donald Jr. (Kimberly Guilfoyle ratted him out while trying to save her own neck); Kevin McCarthy, who ousted that bad Liz Cheney, and resurrected my political future; Jim Jordan, who talks endlessly about our short-sleeved jumpsuits, and Mark Meadows who is the very worst of all because he cries night and day. No one visits any of us. We are being held in an underground bunker at a site that is unknown.
I am here because Melania ratted me out (Can you believe that after I got her the Einstein visa so she could immigrate?), and she has moved back into what used to be called Trump Tower in New York with Barron. Jared volunteered to spill the beans, and he and Ivanka spent months telling everything they knew about me. I now realize I shouldn’t have given him access to all the classified information. The Feds didn’t interview Eric because they decided he wasn’t smart enough to have understood what was going on. And, once Allen Weisselberg was threatened with never seeing his grandchildren again, he caved, and literally drove the nails into my coffin.
FYI...My ten most egregious abuses, according to Marshall Cohen from CNN were:
1. Subverting the 2020 election.
2. Inciting an Insurrection.
3. Abusing the bully pulpit
4. Politicizing the Justice Department.
5. Obstructing the Mueller Investigation.
6. Abusing the Pardon Power.
7. The Ukraine Affair and cover-Up.
8. Loyalty oaths and personalizing government.
9. Firing whistle blowers and truth tellers.
10. Profiting off the presidency.
It should be obvious that Cohen (I hate people named Cohen), and the government have lied and maligned me. I never did anything wrong. The American people love me, and I intend to seek revenge against every single person who testified against me. If I am not found guilty by the corrupt DOJ, I will do everything in my power to destroy the United States, privatize every single governmental department (as Republican donors have requested), and assume my rightful role, just like Vladimir Putin, Kim Jung-in, and others I admire. If you think I can’t win, you’re stupid. Senators Manchin and Sinema have been bought and paid for, and so has the Supreme Court. And don’t forget that no Republicans have voted for voting rights or Build Back Better.
Sincerely,
The former president