This past week, there was a story about some horrible, racist, murderous right-wing young adult man. And in the Comments, some blamed his mother! I pushed back, they pushed back, there was a surprising amount of back and forth. So I thought I’d expand here on my comments there.
This is actually something regarding which I have a little academic expertise. I have a BS in Psychology from back a few decades, during which I signed up for every child psychology class on offer. A bachelor’s degree, however, does not get one much of a job in the Psych field, so I have not kept up on all things Psychology. In addition, I myself could not have children, so have no non-academic experience, except of the can-give-them-back-when-tired variety. So please feel free to discuss, expand, update, etc. in the Comments below!
To say “don’t blame the mother!” is not to say that parents don’t influence their children. Surely, both parents do! Back in the day, Sigmund Freud famously blamed mothers and he certainly wasn’t the only one. From the first semester of college, we studied schizophrenogenic mothers (mothers so bad they “caused” schizophrenia in their children), with heavy implications that every mental or emotional illness was similarly caused by mothers. But more recently, such as from the 2013 AMA Journal of Ethics:
We all know that parents can have a significant impact on the mental health of their children, not just because they may pass on a genetic risk but because they control and constitute a significant part of their child’s environment.
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One study published in 1934 reported maternal rejection in two patients and maternal overprotection in 33 out of 45 schizophrenic patients in the study [9]. The idea that a mixture of maternal overprotection and maternal rejection could cause schizophrenia gained steam, and in 1948 psychiatrist Frieda Fromm-Reichmann named these rejecting and overprotective mothers “schizophrenogenic”.
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Studies published in the 1950s and 1960s seemed to confirm the schizophrenogenic mother—and later schizophrenogenic families—theory. It was not until the mid-1970s that the concept lost favor [11]. In 1982, Australian psychiatrist Gordon Parker published a review of schizophrenogenic mother research, concluding that, while the distant and controlling mothers probably exist, there was no evidence that they were more likely than anyone else to have schizophrenic children.
Of course there is a heavy sexist bias in all this, as well as a tendency to think all good and bad things spring from the home. But before we move beyond the home, what about the fathers? Logically, either they’re just as involved and therefore create just as much of a potentially damaging or healthy home environment as mothers; or they’re uninvolved. IMO, a man can no more hand over child-rearing to the mother of his children and claim no responsibility for the results, than he can hand over his car to another driver and claim no responsibility for the results. Every child has two parents, and every parent has equal responsibility for that child, whether that parent chooses to be present in the child’s life or not. Since the idea of harmful mothers lost popularity, we have since learned a great deal about the impact of fathers: Father engagement creates better health in children, “better emotional, academic, social, and behavioral outcomes,” more likelihood of college and employment, pretty much every positive outcome. On the other hand:
According to the 2007 UNICEF report on the well-being of children in economically advanced nations, children in the U.S., Canada and the U.K. rank extremely low in regard to social and emotional well-being in particular. Many theories have been explored to explain the poor state of our nation’s’ children.
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Many individuals can attest to the fact that the lasting impact of a father in child’s life cannot be denied. Many would admit that they have struggled with feelings of abandonment and low self-esteem, due to the lack of a father’s love in their lives. Some have turned to drugs, alcohol, risky sexual activities, unhealthy relationships, or other destructive behaviors to numb the pains of fatherlessness.
Although the absence of their father is not an isolated risk factor, it definitely can take a toll on the development of children. This is important to take note of, as many would argue that one parental role is more significant than the other. That is simply not true.
So clearly, the belief in the role of mothers in damaging or supporting their children was a product of another era and lacking in evidence to back it up. In contrast, the role of fathers was overlooked until relatively recently, but the evidence is clear. Children need the involvement of both parents for the best chances at positive outcomes.
On the other hand, there are of course never 100% correlations in complex human behaviours. Sometimes, good parents produce troubled children:
We now have a vulnerability model for most human traits and also for most mental illnesses that basically posits that, you know, behavior is the result of an interaction between, you know, inborn, congenital or genetic factors and the environment.
And while the environment has tremendous power to mold people's behavior and feelings, it's not all powerful. And there are things that people do have that cannot be shaped or changed by even the best or worst environment.
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Most psychiatrists have seen this, that, you know, you can see people with very, very severe mental illness who come out of the most protected, most loving environments and the converse. You can see people, you know, who are remarkably resilient and have lived in, you know, abusive, really hideously bad environments with terrible families who come out fine.
And OTOH: Sometimes, bad parents produce resilient children:
Factors that may determine risk and resilience in children who experience emotional abuse are discussed. These include... factors intrinsic to the child such as working models of the self and others, internal or external attributions, behavioural and coping strategies, self-esteem, and disposition; and external factors such as school and availability of supportive relationships.
Thus as Hillary said “It takes a village to raise a child,” for many reasons. From Wiki:
The proverb has been attributed to African cultures. In 2016, the USA's National Public Radio (NPR) researched the origins of the proverb but was unable to pinpoint them, although academics said the proverb embodies the spirit of several African cultures.[1]
Examples of African societies with proverbs that translate to 'It takes a village ...' include the following:[2]
- In Kihaya (Bahaya) there is a saying, “Omwana taba womoi,” which translates as “A child belongs not to one parent or home.”
- Kijita (Wajita) has the proverb, “Omwana ni wa bhone,” meaning regardless of a child's biological parents, its upbringing belongs to the community.
Think of all the non-parental influences in your childhood: Siblings, extended family, peer pressure, school, neighbours, doctors, churches, any other organisations you were part of, and especially now, media. I have probably missed a few! Think of how all this interacted with your own place in the white patriarchy, which may have led to feelings of unfairness, resentment, and more. Your parents are actually a small part of a large whole. If you lived in a community that takes “the Village” seriously, you were probably lucky! But all of this would have interacted with your own internal states and traits, as well.
So back to our horrible, racist, murderous right-wing young adult man who started this discussion:
Was his mother a horrible racist? Probably. Was his father also a horrible racist? Probably. Was he embedded in a horrible racist culture, so that he had extended family and friends who were horrible racists? Probably! Did he hear similar messages in church and school and on TV and social media? Very probably! So is his mother at fault? Not all by herself, she isn’t. And so we need to abandon our Freudian legacy that every adult is the way he is because of his mother.
But that begs the question: Embedded in such an environment, could he decide that he hates the whole hateful culture and take responsibility for himself and become a loving, not hateful person? Yes, definitely! See for example Elizabeth King, Beth Woolsey, Megan Phelps-Roper. And this description of moments of change published by Buzzfeed.
So to make a long story short (too late! I know!): Of course mothers aren’t perfect. But when I or others say “Don’t blame the mother” or “Don’t blame the parents,” it’s not to absolve them 100%. It’s to remind folks that so many other influences are at work in every one of us. Two big ones that matter in any situation confronting us right now:
- The choices we make for ourselves.
- The support we give to others.
In Other News
Blaxit
The Great Blaxit: Black Women Are Leaving the United States in Record Numbers—Here’s Why:
I know too well why Black women feel unsafe in America. The most insignificant parts of any other woman’s week become nexus events forcing Black women into a corner, where we decide if we should risk it all to save ourselves. Many of us cross oceans to find refuge because the resources meant to “help” us in our own country turn into weapons used against us.
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I’m not trying to say that all Black Americans are poor, but I bring up these statistics to make this point: around 22% of the 21.4 million American women living in poverty in 2020 were Black. So this may mean that leaving the U.S. permanently or for a medical leave is not an option for many women who look like me.
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My biggest “aha moment” was that I wasn’t crazy. Life as a Black woman in America is objectively unsustainable.
Covid
UN Women: Beyond Covid-19: A feminist plan for sustainability and social justice, https://www.unwomen.org/...
UN Women says their new roadmap... is a visionary but practical plan for putting gender equality, social justice, and sustainability at the centre of the recovery and transformation.
COVID-19 has revealed and worsened inequalities and is a reminder of just how unsustainable and fragile the world’s economies and democracies are. The crisis also provides a warning about what is rapidly coming down the track on climate change and environmental degradation. This has created both a need and an opening to rethink economic and social policies and re-evaluate what needs to be prioritized.
There's a video about it as well as text.
Medical
US sees continued rise in maternal deaths – and ongoing inequities, CDC report shows
The increased attention on health care disparities has spurred federal lawmakers to action. Last year, Rep. Lauren Underwood, Rep. Alma Adams, Sen. Cory Booker and members of the Black Maternal Health Caucus introduced the Black Maternal "Momnibus" Act, a sweeping bipartisan package of bills that aim to provide pre- and post-natal support for Black mothers -- but most of the bills in the package are still making their way through Congress.
Neuroscience News: First Sexual Experience Influences Women’s Future Sexual Desire:
“Rather than really speaking to fixed gender differences in sexual desire, our findings raise the possibility that a sexual debut lacking in orgasm may be a common part of women’s sexual socialization where sexual activity may be disincentivized,” Peragine says. “(It’s a) sexual debut that’s more frustrating than it is rewarding.”
This was an odd little study, IMO, that I find a little dubious. But it was in the news, so I included it here. Please feel free to discuss!
Abortion
Rewire: Statistics on abortion/anti-abortion, ongoing resource on FB.
https://fb.watch/…
The New Yorker: How Black Feminists Defined Abortion Rights:
For Beal, a single mother of two children, and other Black feminists, reproductive freedom, including access to birth control and abortion and the right to have children on their terms, was the most basic element of self-determination in a society where their choices were heavily circumscribed by racism, gender, and class position. As a result, Black women activists not only took up the immediate questions concerning reproduction but they also raised issues about child care, employment, welfare, and the other material necessities that could help women take care of their children and choose to bring them into the world. By focussing on the plight of poor women, they made it easier to see that the struggle for abortion and reproductive freedom was about equality, not just privacy or even “choice.” Their insights into the ways that poverty and other forms of oppression limited their life chances compelled them to demand reproductive justice—which also involved the right to raise children in healthy environments where their and their parents’ basic needs could be met. It is a standard that certainly was not achieved with Roe, but is needed now more than ever.
Ukraine
Christian Science Monitor(!): We Want to Keep Ukraine Free: Why Women Rise in Ukraine Army:
Women – in uniform and not – have been central to efforts to counter Russian aggression since 2014, when Moscow decided to annex Crimea and threw its support behind separatists in the Donbass region. Women now make up almost 10% of the Ukrainian Armed Forces, serve alongside men in combat positions, and are ensured “equal rights” with their male counterparts under a 2018 law. Since 2019, they have been able to study in military colleges to achieve higher ranks.
Gone are the days when a woman would operate a rocket launcher but be listed as a doctor on her papers because Soviet-era rules prevented a woman from performing roles that could compromise her reproductive health.
Good article to click on, with much more about their rise in the Ukrainian Army, roles as volunteers, and continued struggles with sexism.
Colombia
Axios: Colombia just decriminalized abortion:
Hopefully other countries follow suit,” said Colombia-based lawyer Mariana Ardila, who works for Women’s Link. “Now there will be civil health regulations, so women can have information, accompaniment, access to procedures and contraceptives instead of fearing criminal charges if they use the health system," she told Axios Latino.
Afghanistan
The Fall of Kabul Through the Eyes of the Women Who Survived It:
”Even as the world turns away from Afghanistan, the oppression takes on a multitude of forms. So does the resistance."
Hong Kong
The Guardian: https://www.theguardian.com/…
Live-in domestic workers in Hong Kong have been left homeless after they were diagnosed with Covid-19 and their employers fired them or refused their return to the residence, support groups have said.
Many of the workers, who are mostly women from Indonesia and the Philippines, were also left without insurance to cover their medical bills.
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There are an estimated 390,000 domestic workers in Hong Kong, working six days a week, for a minimum HK$4630 (US$593) a month plus food and board. They are legally required to live with their employers and isolating anywhere else, other than government facilities or hospital, is illegal.
Good News
Soccer: Women's national soccer team members settle equal pay lawsuit for $24M
STEM: The Largest Collection of Statues of Women Ever Assembled are STEM Heroines! aib.si.edu/…
The Smithsonian will display 120 life-size neon orange statues of remarkable women in STEM — each created using 3D printing! You can see them March 5 - 27.
SCOTUS: Biden to nominate Ketanji Brown Jackson for Supreme Court
Daily Kos, of course, has created a petition for this!
This column is, as always a group effort! Many thanks to Tara (tAsSW), officebss, SandraLLAP, ramara, and mettle fatigue! Please feel free to discuss these and any other related issues in the Comments! I need to go take care of Mom, but will jump back in after she goes to bed.