Life Lessons and Other Bits from May Birthday Kids
“Don't say things. What you are stands over you the while, and thunders so that I cannot hear what you say to the contrary.”
—Ralph Waldo Emerson
"When the Republican candidate inscribes the slogan ‘Down With Socialism’ on the banner of his 'great crusade,' that is really not what he means at all. What he really means is, 'Down with Progress—down with Franklin Roosevelt's New Deal and down with Harry Truman's Fair Deal.' That is what he means."
—President Harry Truman
Continued...
May birthdays continued...
"Pro-life conservatives are obsessed with the fetus from conception to nine months. After that, they don't wanna know about you. They don't wanna hear from you. No neonatal care, no daycare, no Head Start, no school lunch, no food stamps, no welfare, no nothing. If you're pre-born, you're fine, if you're preschool, you're fucked."
—George Carlin
"I know those challenges that come up from time to time in life are our little learning tools, our little stepping stones. If we didn't have those things in our life, how would we learn anything? We would just be walking around like nothing. We need those obstacles in our life because I know one thing—I'm a much better person for them."
—Gladys Knight
"There's an old saying: don't get mad, vote. Well, I say get mad and vote. Your most fundamental rights are on the ballot this November. … Health care decisions should be between a woman and her doctor, not Ted Cruz."
—Sen. Amy Klobuchar (D-MN)
“I was born very far from where I'm supposed to be, and so I'm on my way home.”
—Bob Dylan
“The reason I made women's issues central to American foreign policy was not because I was a feminist, but because we know that societies are more stable if women are politically and economically empowered.”
—Madeleine Albright
“I was born of heterosexual parents. I was taught by heterosexual teachers in a fiercely heterosexual society. Television ads and newspaper ads—fiercely heterosexual. A society that puts down homosexuality. And why am I a homosexual if I’m affected by role models? I should have been a heterosexual. And no offense meant, but if teachers are going to affect you as role models, there’d be a lot of nuns running around the streets today.”
—Harvey Milk
If you retain nothing else, always remember the Most Important Rule of Beauty. “Who cares?”
—Tina Fey
To the above and those in our Daily Kos community who make another trip around the sun this month: happy birthday and many blessings on your camels.
And now, our feature presentation…
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Cheers and Jeers for Wednesday, May 11, 2022
Note: Major milestone alert. Twelve years ago today we registered for a Twitter account. 5,075 followers later, we're still cranking out messages that, when read backward, reveal our official orders from George Soros. If you'd like to join our exclusive, frequently-merry band of scofflaws—including lots of SQUIRRELS and liveblogging Star Trek reruns most nights from 8-9 via the H&I TV network—feel free to follow us at @BillinPortland. Please note that if Elon Musk succeeds in buying the platform, this account may self-destruct within 30 seconds.
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By the Numbers:
Days 'til Rapture Party Day: 10
Days 'til the Sacramento Grilled Cheese Festival: 4
Percent of Americans polled by Navigator Research who oppose ending Social Security and Medicare: 75%
Percent who oppose raising taxes on seniors, families with children, and Americans making less than $40,000 per year, as Republicans are calling for: 71%
Per-pound price of Maine elvers, the baby eels that are popular in Asia and added $20 million to Maine's economy last year: $2,162
Number of applications submitted for the 12 licenses to sell marijuana in Connecticut: 15,000
Copies of Meghan McCain’s new doorstop masquerading as a book that have sold since it's April debut: 244
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Mid-week Rapture Index: 188 (including 5 floods and 1 very naughty demon child). Soul Protection Factor 16 lotion is recommended if you’ll be walking amongst the heathen today.
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Puppy Pic of the Day: Their hearts will go on…
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CHEERS to starting with an easy layup. Heyyyyyy… Tesla has recalled 130-thousand vehicles because their touch screens can go blank and lead to major glitches and even crashes. Yeah—just like their founder's brain! (Technically, with this joke my job is done here. But I’ll continue as I wish to give you more for your C&J dollar...)
JEERS to those leftist gun-toting, armor-clad, jack-booted, violence-prone thugs and their leftist gun-toting, armor-clad, jack-booted, violence-prone thug ways. Holy mother of God, where does it stop? Have we left no sense of decency, at long last? Is it really worth the years of therapy and pill popping that this poor, put-upon millionaire U.S. Senator will now have to endure? Use your brains, Democrats. She coulda got a fleck of colored dust in her eye, causing her great concern...
Sen. Susan Collins was confronted with a pro-abortion rights message Saturday night when an unknown person or persons wrote in chalk on the sidewalk outside her West Broadway home in Bangor, prompting a police response.
“Susie, please, Mainers want WHPA —> vote yes, clean up your mess,” the message read, according to a Bangor police report. WHPA refers to the Women’s Health Protection Act, which would codify the right to abortion into law and ban restrictions on abortion access.
“We are grateful to the Bangor police officers and the City public works employee who responded to the defacement of public property in front of our home,” Collins said.
Gotta love the Bangor Daily News' decision to go with the aggressive phrase "was confronted with" to describe what should've been shortened to "saw." Pulitzer denied, guys.
CHEERS to masters of the quill and the inquisitive mind. The 2022 Pulitzer Prizes were announced this week. You can see the whole list here, and it’s a good one. Some highlights:
National Reporting: The New York Times, for an ambitious project that quantified a disturbing pattern of fatal traffic stops by police, illustrating how hundreds of deaths could have been avoided and how officers typically avoided punishment.
Special Award/Citation: The journalists in Ukraine, for their courage, endurance, and commitment to truthful reporting during Vladimir Putin’s ruthless invasion of their country and his propaganda war in Russia. Despite bombardment, abductions, occupation, and even deaths in their ranks, they have persisted in their effort to provide an accurate picture of a terrible reality, doing honor to Ukraine and to journalists around the world.
Editorial Writing: Lisa Falkenberg, Michael Lindenberger, Joe Holley and Luis Carrasco of The Houston Chronicle For a campaign that, with original reporting, revealed voter suppression tactics, rejected the myth of widespread voter fraud and argued for sensible voting reforms.
Public Service: The Washington Post, for its compellingly told and vividly presented account of the assault on Washington on January 6, 2021, providing the public with a thorough and unflinching understanding of one of the nation's darkest days.
The top prize in fiction went to The Netanyahus: An Account of a Minor and Ultimately Even Negligible Episode in the History of a Very Famous Family by Joshua Cohen. He barely edged out I Won the 2020 Election, Believe Me by Donald Trump, and Koch Industries Has No Influence On My Voting Decisions, Believe Me by Senator Joe Manchin. C&J got recognition, too—our restraining order was renewed for another 6 months. Message: they care.
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BRIEF SANITY BREAK
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END BRIEF SANITY BREAK
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CHEERS to fuzzy math. Well, at least fuzzy mathematicians. Einstein's theory of relativity ("The Foundation of the General Theory of Relativity" to be precise) was presented 104 years ago today in front of the Prussian Academy of Sciences. His later words:
"Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. That's relativity."
Or sit with Marjorie Taylor-Greene for a second and it seems like forever. That’s eternity.
JEERS to power-mad idiots doing that power-mad idiot thing that power-mad idiots do. Let's crack the door open a bit and take a peek at how the internal battle for the soul of the Republican party—once the proud stomping grounds of Lincoln, Teddy Roosevelt and Dwight Eisenhower—is going.
[Creeeeak...]
On the bright side: love what you’ve done with your hair, Ms. Cheney.
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Ten years ago in C&J: May 11, 2012
CHEERS to getting owned…again. The Maine Republican party is so hapless and incompetent that it's almost breathtaking. First they pissed off their base by trying to exclude voters in two counties during the caucuses. Then they got their state convention hijacked last weekend by Ron Paul supporters who nabbed 21 out of 24 national delegates. And now we learn that the shiny new party platform, which they worked tirelessly to rewrite so it would seem a bit less paranoid and conspiratorial, was tossed in the trash by the Paulites in favor of the old one. So the official party line still includes the "myth of global warming," endorsement of “Austrian economics,” and a belief that the U.N. is still trying to indoctrinate your children with invisible socialist gamma rays. I don’t know for sure that it's actually written on tinfoil…but they haven't denied it.
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And just one more…
CHEERS to election fevuh. There was hot candidate-on-candidate primary action yesterday in West Virginia and Nebraska. I was going to publish all the results with my personal commentary, which we all know is as valuable as a non-fungible token dipped in invisible gold.
But then I thought…no. I'm not going to do the jobs of the Daily Kos Elections Team yet again, so they can go off and party with their $5,000 bottles of booze and Silly String and all that horseplay. No. No!!! I say we make them do their own damn jobs. I'm so tired of this. Every day they're riding my ass like a show donkey: "Bill, get me this!" "Bill, get me that!" "Bill, where's our lunch?" "Bill, I said no pickles on my burger!" "Bill, you were late chauffeuring me to the office again." "Bill, can you scratch right here under my armpit?" It never f*cking ends.
So I'll tell you what. Just scoot your eyeballs up, or down, or sideways, or whatever the hell direction the Daily Kos Elections Team coverage of last night's primaries in West Effing Virginia and Neb Effing Raska is because I…….am…….done……covering…….for…….them. And another thing: from now on, DKET, you need to get your own f*cking ride to the office cuz I just traded in my Mercury for a non-fungible token dipped in invisible gold. Now all I have to do is sit back and...continue sitting back until something happens with it. I win you lose good day I SAID GOOD DAY.
Have a happy humpday. Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?
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Today's Shameless C&J Testimonial
"Bill in Portland Maine is a human being in need of great help. He's a fragile person."
—Glenn Close
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