Transcript from voice recording on phone found among personal effects in Rock Creek Park. Thought to belong to RNC subcontractor, name currently withheld pending investigation.
Senator Britt — plain text. Speech Coach -- Italics
Okay, — Stories from the people… whenever you’re ready.
When I first took office, I did something different. I traveled to the Del Rio sector of Texas, where I spoke to a poor peasant girl who could not even read or write. She was only thirteen years old, but she told me she’d been visited by the Archangel Michael who brought to her a message from God Himself! That by keeping herself pure she would lead an army against the cartels In His Name!
Great so far Senator… Amazing Stuff.
And she did! Filled with the Spirit of the Lord, this plucky little scamp led armies of men to victory after victory! But then the cartels captured her and imprisoned her for a year! But still her faith was strong! But then do you know what they did?
They.
Burned.
Her.
Alive.
That’s right! Welcome to Joe Biden’s America! Where they take girls — even the ones who are on a mission for the Lord — and tie them to posts with hay and kindling beneath her feet… Enough is enough! President Biden, you have only yourself to blame!
Senator… Senator… if I may… you said you talked to this girl?
Yes.
At the border?
Yes, well… near the border
So the cartels tried to burn her alive, but then she escaped?
No, they Burned her Alive!
After she talked with you?
No no - it was a long time ago!
Then how did she… Was Joe Biden even...?
If you’ll be patient I’m getting to that - it’s the best part! It’s because she was so Holy and kept her virtue they made her a Saint!
And these cartels… they weren’t from England were they?
Yes, I think they were! They were trying to take over New Orleans!
Are you sure about this?
It was awhile back. Before New Orleans was even new. When it was just Orleans.
Senator, are you talking about Joan of Arc?
Who?
Joan of Arc
No. I mean...Do you mean me personally? Joan of Arc? Then yes . I mean… The girl was, she was just sharing her story. Why? Is there something wrong with that?
That was over five hundred years ago - in France… What does it have to do with Joe Biden?
Well, mostly… you know... the part where I talk about how they burned her alive and say it real slow so people think ‘ Eww, that’s awful!’ Just like Biden’s disastrous border policies...
We’ll need to get back to that, for now let’s hear what else you have.
I met a lot of women… down there at the border I mean. There was this one woman - an old woman - she told me how the cartels had kidnapped her and sex-trafficked her and forced her to have sex with men over and over and over and…
Senator, quick suggestion?
What?
When you’re talking about the rapes try not to smile so much, it’s… confusing.
Well, I’m just about to get to the important part. It was the living conditions she had to endure, thanks to Joe Biden…
I’m not sure I get what the link is here — how is Joe Biden responsible for the living conditions imposed by sex-traffickers?
What? He-llooo!? Because they’re bad! Duh! If you’ll just let me finish you’ll see, okay? All they gave her was a mattress inside of a shoe inside of some dingy little room, and because of all the sex-trafficking she kept getting pregnant and having all these babies and I mean, think of it! This is the United States of America! And thanks to President Biden’s border crisis we have an old woman who’s living in a shoe! And she has all these children and… well…
Senator, it’s a very compelling story, but people are going to think you’re just reciting Mother Goose. Now tell me the truth, you did not actually meet this woman at the border, did you?
No Mr. Smarty Pants, I did not. As a matter of fact I heard it when I was just a little girl and you know who I heard it from? My Mother. That’s who! Now if you’re gonna sit there and call my mother a liar…
I’m not calling your mother a liar. She was reading you a nursery rhyme… probably the most famous one there is. Look, we can get back to it, okay? Did you meet anyone else at the border?
As a matter of fact I did. I met a woman and she came up to me and shared her story about this one time when she was on a bus…
Oh Jesus… Please... please don’t tell me you met Rosa Parks.
No Mr. Wise-Guy, I didn’t meet Rosa Parks ok? This is a story about working conditions in Biden’s America and this woman was the Bus Driver, okay? And thanks to Sleepy Joe’s total lack of leadership in motor coach maintenance, she had to drive a bus that was going to blow up if it went slower than 55 miles per hour… so there!
Shocking.
And I know we haven’t talked about it, but you wouldn’t believe what’s been going on in these so-called “nutrition assistance programs...”
You’re suggesting some kind of welfare reform?
Yes.
You understand that might be seen as having a policy about something, right? You’d be venturing into some pretty uncharted waters…
Sometimes that’s what you’ve gotta do. When you see something’s wrong, you try to make it right. That’s the only moral thing to do.
I’m sure it’ll be inspiring Senator. Let’s try to get this part squared away and then I’d love to hear what you’ve got. For now I think we should go with the woman in the shoe, but we make it a shoebox instead, but not an actual shoebox but just say a room that’s like a shoebox… and let’s lose the kids for now.
If you think that’s gonna help, fine. I remember specifically mama saying it was a shoe but it doesn’t matter just as long as she gets raped a lot and it’s Biden’s fault.
I don’t think you can really say that though…
Oh mercy no! You just talk about rape and how terrible it is and then you talk about Biden and how terrible he is. I’ve got it in my notes... Here we are! It says… “Rape rape rape, Biden Biden Biden.”
If that’s what they want… but you’d think rape would be the last thing... But I suppose it’s one of those both sides things...
Well, you can’t have an election where one guy’s a rapist and the other one isn’t can you? That’s not fair. Now listen, what do you think of this as an introduction? ‘You know… they SAY beggars can’t be choosers… but CAN THEY?!?! Listen to the dining options that come with one of these so-called “nutritional assistance” programs — remember, these are your tax dollars America!
(Everything From here on is crosstalk, spoken simultaneously)
I’m not sure using the term “beggar” is a very good idea — I know that’s how the saying goes but it’s a bit condescending… Actually: Go ahead. It wasn’t supposed to be like this you know. After my Iago in Ashland they.were talking, I mean seriously, about the Globe. Not for Iago, of course but then again who knows? Terry? I hope you’re listening because I want you to know you’re a terrible agent and this is all your fault. “Easiest money you’ll ever make...” you said. One year working for the RNC and then walk away with a hundred fifty grand. And all ya gotta do is teach Lauren Boebert the alphabet. What could possibly go wrong? you said… Yes, what indeed. ..Well Terry, since you asked, What if it turns out there actually IS a God? Huh Terry? What then? You think you’re gonna just smooth everything out with a couple of phone calls? That’s not how Eternity works Terry… God is not Mocked. May he have mercy on our souls...
You have a choice between here and there, in a house, with a mouse, in a box, with a fox… And listen to this : On a PLANE! Wouldn’t that be nice? You know, I wouldn’t mind being able to dine on a plane whenever I wanted, how about you? Oh, and on a train! And here’s something about a boat… This is the Biden agenda! Everybody on welfare you gets to have boats, goats, planes, trains, boxes, foxes… as much as your heart desires! But if you’re a regular, decent hard-working Christian American what do YOU Get? Raped! That’s what! Raped and set on fire! And I think that’s just plain wrong! I’m not afraid to say it either! Enough is enough! Well? what’d you think? Hello? Where the hell did he go?