(Paris, April 10, 2024) - Dr. I. Arnott Azeycray of the French Ecole of Contemporary Evolutionary Studies (FECES) has released the Ecole's preliminary findings in the strange case of T.Rump, an apparent distant relative of T.Rex. “We knew that this creature was an unusual specimen,” said Dr. Azeycray, “but the uncanny resemblance to T.Rex surprised us all.”
According to the scientists, the species they have named T.Rump resembles a much-downsized, diminutive version of the famous T.Rex. Both have oversized heads and tiny anterior grasping appendages, called, in the case of T.Rump, 'hands'; both have oversized rumps and tails, hence the designation of Tyrannosaurus 'Rump'.
T.Rump has an unusual adaptation on its head, a contemporary version of the feathers which dinosaur experts now believe covered T.Rex. “T.Rump's behavior shows it is very protective of its head-feathers. For example, it will refuse to let them get wet. We are as yet unclear why this is the case, as we have not seen this behavior in other dinosaur species.”
T.Rump's method of procreation is also a mystery. Dr. Azeycray explained: “We have reports of a penile appendage shaped like a mushroom, but we have been unable to verify this and to perform a closer examination. This may be a failed evolutionary adaptation which we would like to learn more about.”
The Ecole's scientists have also found another failed evolutionary characteristic of the creature: its tail, which it uses in both a defensive and offensive manner, contains highly toxic venom. Unfortunately, due to its size and apparent uncontrolled thrashing, the venom can cause injury not just to others nearby, but to itself, as well. “We speculate that a slow build-up of the poison in the creature's own system from small, self-inflicted wounds have led to its increasingly self-destructive and unhinged behavior. We suspect that T.Rump is an evolutionary dead-end, making it such a fascinating subject,” said Dr. Azeycray.
The Ecole also announced the discovery of two other previously-unknown, parallel contemporary evolutionary mammals. The first has been named Emtee.Greene and appears to be an upright-standing rodent which emits indecipherable squeals and is highly territorial. The second has been named L.Boeberticus and is thought to be a Lagomorph, in the family of rabbits. According to the scientists, it emits a high-pitched squeak which can be heard for miles. Like rabbits, it appears to be extremely fecund, but unlike other rabbit species, which prefer fur-lined burrows for procreation and for raising its kits, L.Boeberticus prefers to mate in public settings, such as bowling alleys and theaters.
The two species also appear to be mortal enemies of each other, perhaps, the scientists speculate, because they are both competing to occupy the same limited habitat.
Dr. Azeycray praised his lab's work on these species, as well, saying that research into these anomalies, although preliminary, will continue. “Future discoveries are expected to shed even more light on these apparently dead-end evolutionary trends,” said the Doctor.