I always refer to what I write in this space as an essay. I decide on a central point, clearly state it, embellish it with historical or intellectual references, rewrite and send it out. But this is a diary, and I won't reread, or rewrite it. It is how I feel this sixty sixth year of my life and two hundred and thirtieth year since my country's beginning.
I'm living in a suburb of San Diego now, having moved from New York City five years ago with my wife. Retired, I have a lot of time to think about the world we are living in. I moved from Jerry Nadler's district to Duke Cunningham's, I was active in democratic politics, even ran against the present number two man in the city for his assembly seat in the democratic primary in 1994. He spent a ton of money to deflect my trivial campaign. We became friends and when I asked him about the November election, Scott smiled and said, "No problem, he's a Republican."
On the West Side I was from the DLC wing, the conservative wing of the party, "hardly a real Democrat at all" they claimed. Here, among my new tennis buddies, I am that radical liberal. Most Saturdays someone from the other court will shout, "Al, keep it down, hold your politics for later. We are trying to play tennis" But, we enjoy the conversations at changeovers and later when we are relaxing after the games.
I write my letters to the editor to that often make the "big time" the San Diego Union Tribune, and almost always make the "Coast News" even though now they only print two an issue. A couple days ago at the courts we were talking about our take on the disclosure of the Haditha killings. Joe F, a democrat pointed out that in the fog and fear of war, things happen, and we need to excuse a broad range of brutality. Another guy, Phil was angry at those liberals who condemn the marines.
But Joe drew the line at dragging someone out in the gutter the next day and killing him in cold blood. I asked Phil, the staunchest defender of the marines for "anything that they did" whether there was a line for him too. And he discovered that there was. We had found a meeting of the mind, between he, the staunchest of Republicans, and me, a caricature of a liberal.
And this is what I fear about Dailykos. I wonder whether this blog is making it less likely that we can reach across the divide, one on one, to humanize our positions. Phil isn't going to vote Democratic this year, but he just may in a very slight way, entertain the possibility of the possibility that under certain circumstances he might.
Haditha was bad, but it energized me into more action. I had a letter printed that described the willful creation of the belief that Iraq did 9-11, a belief held by almost all of our military. I could take that atrocity and try to use to bring some understanding to my few readers.
The disclosure of the rape, and murder of the Iraqi family by American soldiers has affected me quite differently. I have no desire to talk about it to anyone. All I feel is a deep sadness. There is a point where I can be angry at my country, but now I feel profound sorrow. This atrocity does nothing to increase my anger at our president for getting us into this mess, since I genuinely believe that George W. Bush, at least in this single occasion, feels exactly the same remorse that I feel.
The apparent perpetrator of this horror, Steven D. Green, a 21 year old soldier who was recently discharged for "personality problems" may well get punished for his actions. But who cares. We can imprison him, or execute him, but that would only compound the tragedy. We, you, me, our Senators, our members of Congress, we sent him there. O.K. the readers of this blog were against it. But we are part of a collective, called the United States. We, We, We, We,
I did not stop this. I lost my election to get the nomination for state assembly, because maybe I didn't try hard enough. But no, I lost it thirty years before, when I didn't have the stuff to finish college and go to law school and make an impact. So it is we, we Americans, who will be singing the National Anthem today and waving the flag, who sent that pathetic man to Iraq, and armed him and surrounded him with others who had the same mind set. It is we. It is I. And I am deeply sad and ashamed.
Al Rodbell
Carlsbad California