From the GREAT STATE OF MAINE...
Thy Mouth Runneth Amok
I love the end of the year. It's the time when we can't help but collectively start wrapping up the events of the previous twelve months in neat little boxes: Best, Worst, Top, Bottom, The Meaning of it All, and yadda yadda yadda. Personally, I'm a fan of quotes, and there were some doozies this year. Yale associate librarian Fred Shapiro has released his Top 10 list (hat tip to Ed Tracey), and the winning losers include:
(TIE for first place) "I'm not a witch."
---Christine O'Donnell, television advertisement, Oct. 4. [Responding to this clip that Bill Maher aired in Sept.]
(TIE for first place) "I'd like my life back."
---Tony Hayward, comment to reporters, May 30
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"I hope that's not where we're going, but you know, if this Congress keeps going the way it is, people are really looking toward those Second Amendment remedies. They're saying: My goodness, what can we do to turn this country around?"
---Sharron Angle, radio interview in January
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"They should never have put me with that woman. ... She was just a sort of bigoted woman who said she used to be Labour."
---Gordon Brown comments [into a live lapel microphone he forgot he was wearing] about a voter he met while campaigning for British general election, Apr. 28
Here are a few other sounds that various lips, teeth, tongues and larynxes made this year:
"I apologize."
---Rep. Joe Barton (R-TX), apologizing to BP from his House Energy Committee seat after the oil giant agreed to set aside $20 billion to pay claims from the Deepwater Horizon disaster.
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"I haven't seen a half-monkey, half-person yet."
---Glenn Beck, on why he believes evolution is a hoax
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"We had no domestic attacks under Bush; we've had one under Obama."
---Rudy 9/11
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"Before we all started having health care, in the olden days, our grandparents, they would bring a chicken to the doctor. They would say, 'I'll paint your house.' I mean, that's the old days of what people would do to get health care with your doctors. Doctors are very sympathetic people. I'm not backing down from that system.''
---Sue Lowden, who lost her primary to the even crazier Sharron Angle
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"Another thing we can do for jobs is make toys of me, especially for the holidays."
---Alvin Greene, astonishingly...again, I say, astonishingly...the South Carolina Democratic candidate for the U.S. Senate.
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"I made my money the old-fashioned way, I inherited it. I think that’s a great thing to do."
---Failed West Virginia senate candidate John Raese
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"Trust me. After taxes, a million dollars is not a lot of money."
---Michael Steele
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"I'll take you out, buddy!"
---N.Y. Republican gubernatorial candidate Carl Paladino (another fine tea party darling) threatening a reporter for The New York Post or propositioning a gay guy, I forget which.
The entire list stretches to the moon and back. 2011 is a quiet year electionwise, but with Republicans uncaged in the House, next year's could be even longer. Ho boy!
Cheers and Jeers starts in There's Moreville... [Swoosh!!] RIGHTNOW! [Gong!!]
Cheers and Jeers for Tuesday, December 14, 2010
Note: You may not use the collapse of the Metrodome as a metaphor for politics, relationships or soufflé-making without official permission from The Metropolitan Sports Facilities Commission Thank you.
---The Metropolitan Sports Facilities Commission
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By the Numbers:
Days 'til the winter solstice: 7
Days `til the last day of the 32nd annual Great Dickens Fair at the Cow Palace in San Francisco: 5
Percent of Americans who say they take their doctor's advice without getting a second opinion: 70%
(Source: Gallup)
Approximate number of people who are caned in Singapore per year: 10,000
(Source: Amnesty International)
Value of a Nobel Prize in, respectively, 1901 and today, after adjusting for inflation: $1.1 million / $1.5 million
(Source: USA Today)
Percent of Americans surveyed who said they would resort to knocking someone over to grab the last hot holiday toy for their kids: 6%
(Source: USA Today)
Current cost to buy all the gifts in The 12 Days of Christmas: $23,439.38 (Up 9.2% from last year)
(Source: Barron's)
Giants 21 Vikings 3
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Tuesday Words of Wisdom from the Right-wing Blogosphere:
The message the House GOP is sending is that they are going to go on the BIG PORK train and show the Dems how to REALLY spend.
The Federal Pork Brigade GOP Congress is saying "hell no, go ahead, spend and tax." That fiscal conservative bologna was just to get conservative activists to get the job done for us during the mid-terms given the U.S. people knew/know we were/are Bozos. Pork and tax. Disgusting!!!
---Commenter tpete at RedState
All together now: One...two...three... Heckuva job, teabaggers!
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Puppy Pic of the Day: Pure joy
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CHEERS to little green shoots with a side of hope-style dressing. The Senate succeeded---by 80-some-odd "Ayes"---with its cloture vote yesterday on the tax cut bill and---Bam!---things got better!!! Okay, retroactively better and not in any way associated with the tax cut bill. But still...
Job gains around the country offset higher foreclosures and helped reduce the nation's economic stress in October to an 18-month low, according to The Associated Press' monthly analysis. ...
Under a rough rule of thumb, a county is considered stressed when its score exceeds 11. The average county's score in October was 9.9, down from 10 in September. A little over one-third of counties were deemed stressed. That's down slightly from 35 percent in September.
If that doesn’t mean the economy's fixed, may I be struck by lightning! [ZOT!!!] [Sniff sniff] Charred Billy smells like pie.
JEERS to Mitch McGobbledygook. Republican logic is so dumb:
"This bipartisan compromise represents an essential first step in tackling the debt," McConnell said. "[B]ecause in keeping taxes where they are, we are officially cutting off the spigot."
Yes. In order to rein in the debt and cut off the spigot, we have to open the spigot and let another trillion dollars in debt go sploosh all over the place. Y'know, figuring these severely damaged people out is like trying to catch the proverbial larded-up pig. And not nearly as much fun.
JEERS to the Wanker Solstice. Speaking of severely damaged people, I hope you're bracing for the coming winter storm. No, not the blizzard/cold snap that's plaguing a huge swath of the country. I'm talking about the looney lockstep conservatives who will be storming to the nearest microphone to proclaim, "Global warming is a hoax! Global cooling is what's happening!" Annnnd...? "Oh, and Al Gore is fat!" (It's so cute when they forget their lines.)
CHEERS to Richard Holbrooke. Rachel Maddow defined him as the "uber diplomat." From reading his Wiki bio, it seems he went where he was needed and was needed where he went. And considering the shear number of his accomplishments, he sure didn’t seem to need much sleep. Unfortunately torn aortas aren't much interested in diplomacy, and that's what killed him yesterday at 69. Statement from Hillary Clinton:
Tonight America has lost one of its fiercest champions and most dedicated public servants. Richard Holbrooke served the country he loved for nearly half a century, representing the United States in far-flung war-zones and high-level peace talks, always with distinctive brilliance and unmatched determination. He was one of a kind---a true statesman---and that makes his passing all the more painful.
Condolences to the family. As if it was possible, today I'm a little more skeptical of our chance of even semi-success in Afghanistan and Pakistan than I was yesterday.
CHEERS to cool party tricks. One of Nostradamus's wackier predictions (try not to laugh) stated that December 14, 2010 would mark his 507th birthday. Now the wait is over and---baddaboom baddabing---today is his 507th birthday! Amusing French parlor trickster...or Renaissance-era Marty McFly? You make the call.
CHEERS to clear skies and clean water...um, maybe? Well, that was fun! The Cancun climate summit was a big success. There were workshops and seminars and conferences. And they actually, like sorta really did have some success this year:
With a roar of applause overwhelming one dissenting voice, they strongly endorsed a comprehensive document crafted under the leadership of the conference’s president Patricia Espinosa and the executive secretary Christiana Figueres. ... The Cancun compacts are the first real step toward building an international system that involves all global warming pollution---not just that produced by the rich nations governed by the Kyoto Protocol. With one agreement that allows for the future development of the Kyoto Protocol system, the other establishes an international Green Climate Fund to be managed by the World Bank, and enacts mechanisms to fight deforestation and deploy clean technology in the developing world.
And, as usual, there was lots of wild climate-summit sex. ("Is that a carbon offset in your pants or are ya just happy to see me?") Hence the third agreement that was unanimously passed: what happens in Cancun, stays in Cancun.
CHEERS to a Maine politician who makes Collins and Snowe look petty and small. Happy 113th birthday to the late Margaret Chase Smith. She was the first woman to serve in both the U.S. House and Senate, and the first Senator to call Joseph McCarthy an asshole (or words to that effect). Whether she knew it or not, she accurately peered into the future back in 1950:
I don't want to see the Republican Party ride to political victory on the Four Horsemen of Calumny---Fear, Ignorance, Bigotry and Smear.
I doubt if the Republican Party could---simply because I don't believe the American people will uphold any political party that puts political exploitation above national interest. Surely we Republicans aren't that desperate for victory.
Ma'am, you and I need to have a little chat. And don’t call me Shirley.
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Six years ago in C&J: December 14, 2004
CHEERS to...Bill Kristol??? One of the founding neo-cons shows Donald Rumsfeld the door in Washington Post editorial: "All defense secretaries in wartime have, needless to say, made misjudgments. Some have stubbornly persisted in their misjudgments. But have any so breezily dodged responsibility and so glibly passed the buck?" Get yourself to Walter Reed, Rummy...that butt's gonna need stitches.
JEERS to incivility. Let's check the Recommended Diaries as of Wednesday morning:
"Fuck Ohio and Get Off Kos's Back."
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"No, You Fuck Ohio. Everyone else, Count."
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"Fuck Delaware Dem and Get Off Our Backs."
I knew the free eggnog dispenser was a bad idea. I just knew it...
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And just one more...
CHEERS to making art out of nothing at all. A Polish artist won a couple thousand bucks from the British government for works that include "a painting that hasn’t been painted yet," an "invisible sculpture" and "A movie shot with no film in the camera." And, gol'blimey, some folks across the pond think that's just bugger-all. Be that as it may (I try to stay out of international brouhahas), here in America George W. Bush has caught the artisan bug and is opening a similar exhibit of his own. It features works called "Iraq WMDs," "jobs created by tax cuts for the rich," and "concern for the deficit when Republicans are in power." Don't forget to wear a beret to your opening, sir.
Have a holly jolly Tuesday. Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?
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Today's Shameless C&J Testimonial:
Paul Krugman punishes himself by reading Bill in Portland Maine
---Gawker
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