THE ADULT IN THE ROOM? A one-act play, featuring:
"Dad" - Barack Obama
"Son" - GOP Party
Act I, Scene I. Suburban home, Main Street, Anytown USA. Dad and Son are sitting together at a kitchen table. Additional cliches pending.
Dad - "Son, we need to talk".
Son - "Gee Dad, do we have to? Now is not the right time."
Dad - "Why not?"
Son - "Because, um, it never seems to be the right time."
Dad - "I understand your concern, but we really do need to have a conversation. As you might have heard, our mortgage payment is due next week, and we need to make the payment."
Son - "Why?"
Dad - "What do you mean, 'Why'? Because if we don't, they're going to foreclose on our house."
Son - "No they're not."
Dad - "Son, have you been listening to that Bachmann girl? I told you to stay away from her."
Son - "She's pretty and she's smart and she knows her history!"
Dad - "Yeah okay. I was a teenager once too. Anyway, we need to come up with some cash soon. Any ideas?"
Son - "Sure. Don't go to your doctor's appointment tomorrow."
Dad - "You're funny. It's just my regular check-up."
Son - "Yeah, but you have to make a co-payment. We obviously can't afford that right now."
Dad - "But son, if there's something wrong with me, it's better if we catch it now. If it gets worse, it's going to cost us a lot more money, and we'll be in real trouble."
Son - "Don't worry about it. I've got the perfect plan."
Dad - "What's that?"
Son - "Raise my allowance."
Dad - "Excuse me?"
Son - "Raise my allowance. We'll make our mortgage payment, guaranteed!"
Dad - (Slowly) "And...how would this work?"
Son - "Easy. You see, right now I'm contributing to the house. But not as much as I could be."
Dad - (Dumbfounded) - "Go on."
Son - (Slightly impatient) - "Well, if you give me more money, then more money can go towards the mortgage payment."
Dad - "Son, that doesn't make any sense."
Son - (Angry and petulant) - "If you don't give me more money, I'm not going to eat my vegetables any more!"
Dad - "But son, you need to eat your vegetables. They're good for you."
Son - (Holding breath)
Dad - "Okay, let's compromise. I'll raise your allowance $5 a week if you eat your vegetables."
Son - "Well...that would work, if I didn't have to go to bed at 9:00."
Dad - (Confused) "What does that have to do with anything?"
Son - (Shaking head) - "Gee Dad, you really don't understand. How can I spend the raise in my allowance if I have to go to bed so early?"
Dad - "But son, you need your sleep. It's good for your health."
Son - "Great. Now I have to deal with 'DadCare'.'
Dad - "What?"
Son - "Oh you know. Imposing your mandatory rules about how I should live my life in a so-called 'healthy manner'. It's socialism! Or fascism! One of those."
Dad - "Son, I'm just looking out for your welfare..."
Son - (Smirking) "You said it, not me."
Dad - (Exasperated) "Fine. You can stay up until 11:00, as long as you eat your vegetables. Now, what about the mortgage payment?"
Son - (Staring blankly) - "What mortgage payment?"