I will not run away from this.
This is not a campaign statement or a plea for support. This is a statement regarding my character and my transformation from a frustrated, reactionary, semi-engaged political bystander into a fully engaged advocate for real political change.
It has been 3 days since the release of yet another damning screen capture of Facebook posts from my past. I have had time to think about what I should do and speak with Members of my local Democratic committee, members of my community, my campaign supporters, and most importantly my family. The general consensus among all of them is that while the content of the posts presented is unacceptable, they do not reflect the content of my character today. They do not wipe away all of the hard work that I have done to bring attention to systemic racism, sexism, and a host of other extremely important issues.
Instead of spending time explaining the lack of context, or focusing on how this is a well planned character attack by my Democratic primary opponent, I am choosing to use this as a teaching moment about privilege, specifically white male privilege.
I am absolutely guilty of being unaware of how entrenched in white privilege I was. It is an insidious lack of awareness that many of us live in for most of our lives without ever realizing it. It creates a sense of complacency in regard to the actual wrongs being committed on people of color, and a sense of security that it is OK to “joke” around about these things.
I take full responsibility for being a part of that problem. In the context of the overall questions of my character male, white, and any host of “other” privilege plays much the same role. I include those other issues because there is a high probability that there is more to come from my Democratic opponent’s team as mentioned here.
“I have been told that there are more posts, by the person who is fundraising for his opponent. But she will not produce them.”
If you have made it this far, I’m sure you’re asking yourself; “OK Tom so what made you change”?
My evolution on this topic has been a long one. White privilege was clearly not out of my system in 2011. To be perfectly honest I didn't become fully aware of how blind I was to it until around 2014.
I never considered myself racist, but I also didn't have a complete grasp on the disparity between races until all of the instances of young black men being gunned down by police started to get wide attention. I was convinced that President Obama was going to do something about it, but there was never a strong response from him.
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I was convinced that President Obama was going to do something about it, but there was never a strong response from him.
EDIT 5/27/2017: This statement is being misinterpreted. My perception was faulty, and part of the privilege that this entire piece is about.
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So I started talking to more and more people about the shootings and the responses caused me to do a self inventory. I had been a part of the problem. I have always had black friends but I had never had these discussions with them. So I started having those discussions. It opened my eyes to things that were going on right in front of me and I had not noticed.
Things like differential treatment in my kids school. My daughter who is very well adjusted today, had some serious developmental issues a couple of years ago. They were so problematic that she qualified for a 504 plan. Everyone involved was helpful and supportive. Concerned teachers, and administrators were falling over themselves to provide accommodations and help in any way they could. Wow the system was working for my child!
Fast forward to about a year later and I was at a Virginia Beach School Board meeting when a woman came up to address the board. She had a daughter who had the same developmental issues, the same 504 plan, with almost the same accommodations, (accommodations are tailored to the individual child). Her recounting of her experience was the polar opposite of my families experience. The staff was unhelpful, the administration was dismissive, and she found it to be an absolute nightmare.
I don’t think I have to tell you what the difference between the two children was, but I’m going to. My daughter is white and the other young lady was African American. The real kicker here is that it was at the same middle school with the same staff, the same guidance department, and the same administration.
This was an awakening. This was where I realized that a self inventory was not enough. This is the exact moment in time that I declared to myself that there is a REAL problem and it is not only in my own back yard but it has now touched me personally. This is the moment that allowed me to remove the shroud of privilege.
I confronted the School principal about this and was met with “...but you said your child’s experience was great...” I retorted with “but why was the other child treated so poorly?’ I was then shooed away with an obligatory “we are looking into that right now, and I can’t discuss another child with you...”
This caused me to start looking into disparity issues in my city, which opened my eyes to inordinate suspension rates for African American children. I promised myself I would not be a part of that problem ever again. I have not said another sideways thing about anyone based on identity since and I will never again as long as I live.
Identity privilege of any type is a disease. I admit completely and with out hesitation that I was infected with that disease, couple that with deep anger and frustration regarding our political landscape and an, “I don’t give a damn” attitude, and you get a bunch of immature, reactionary, and sometimes offensive social media posts.
BUT, and this is a really big BUT, I have chosen consciously to abandon my privilege and my anger and my propensity for foul language in an attempt to help the very people that I am accused of maligning. I have chosen to become a part of the solution by becoming active in my local Democratic party, by forming a political action committee focused on making sure we have progressive candidates in every one of the Virginia House of Delegates races, and I have even placed myself right on the firing line by running for the House of Delegates myself.
Had the members of the House Democratic Caucus taken the time to speak with me about these things instead of having a knee-jerk reaction they would have, at the very least, had an idea of what my evolution looked like.
This is an important rule in the Democratic Party Plan
Section 10.11 Party Endorsements
The Democratic Party of Virginia, and any of its components, including county and city Democratic committees,Congressional district committees, the State Central Committee, the State Steering Committee, State Party caucuses, and State Party constituency groups, may not formally endorse contested candidates for office prior to their nominations
Interestingly the Democratic House Caucus is not part of the Democratic Party of Virginia, But this is a diary for another time. What I would like to make perfectly clear is:
I am not a misogynist.
I am not a racist.
I am not an abilist.
I am not (whatever smear they throw at me next).
I will continue to work within the democratic party to address these issues head on regardless of the outcome of the election I am currently running in.
I will continue to help to grow the Democratic party in Virginia.
I will continue to be an advocate for public schools.
I will continue to be an advocate for a clean environment.
I will continue to stand up for LGBTQ rights.
I will continue to stand with women on a broad range of equality issues.
I will be a fierce advocate for racial equality in my community.
Look inside yourself and find the place where privilege is lurking. Think about the last time you were irrationally afraid of a person of color. Think about the last time you had an interaction with law enforcement and how different that experience is for a person of color.
Some of you may actually be enlightened, these words are not for you. My point is that sometimes it takes self reflection or an external event to make us aware of this disease. When we become aware of it it gives us a clear picture of what other issues we may have overlooked or that are deeply ingrained in our collective psychology. That then gives us an opportunity to heal.
