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Sat Apr 18, 2015 at 10:33 AM PDT

Let's Lose the Zero Sum Game

by Ellinorianne

Don't forget this ever.

We often believe, even if it is subconsciously, that if others are gaining, we must be losing something. We must be missing something, if they have so much.

This is not true.

This is the heart of jealousy and so much anger and hurt for so many. It is what drives so much hate and rage.

But ultimately, the more others have means the more they can give US. The more beauty in the world means the more beauty we can enjoy. The MORE glorious love and, you get it. There can never be too much of this shit people! There can never be too many people who feel good about themselves and happy in their own skin. HOW IS THIS BAD?

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So, are you one of those people who are upset that so many came out and gave to the pizza parlor that would refuse pizza to anyone that was openly LGBT?

Guess what?  Do something about it.


Go give, I did, when it was under 3k, I gave just $13 to help homeless LGBT youth, you can too.

Do you want to show that we care as much about doing something rather than just wagging our fingers?  Do something, help homeless kids.

Because you know what, homeless LGBT make up 40% of homeless youth.

Yes.  We can do better than this.

Let's show the world that we care about taking care of our youth, that we actually won't let kids who happen to be gay or lesbian, who happen to want to be their true selves, live on the streets.  That we can do more than accepting, embracing and caring about these issues, lets actually put our dough where our mouths are.

Go look at what it means to be young and alone on the streets.  Go look at the photos of homeless LGTB youth in America.  

Lets out raise intolerance and bigotry.


Today Katharine Jefferts Schori, the presiding Bishop of the Episcopal Church and noted as the "most powerful woman" in the Christian religion spoke out against climate change denial.  She spoke out against it as a moral issue and one that is in direct opposition to the teachings of God and the Bible.

“It is in that sense much like the civil rights movement in this country where we are attending to the rights of all people and the rights of the earth to continue to be a flourishing place,” Bishop Jefferts Schori said in an interview with the Guardian. “It is certainly a moral issue in terms of the impacts on the poorest and most vulnerable around the world already.”

“Episcopalians understand the life of the mind is a gift of God and to deny the best of current knowledge is not using the gifts God has given you,” she said. “In that sense, yes, it could be understood as a moral issue.”

She went on: “I think it is a very blind position. I think it is a refusal to use the best of human knowledge, which is ultimately a gift of God.”

The Guardian

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Mon Mar 23, 2015 at 08:52 PM PDT

I was wrong about Mo'ne Davis…

by Ellinorianne

There is a story on the front page, Little League star Mo'ne Davis asks university to reinstate college athlete who crudely insulted her and I reacted badly, like, woh, knee jerk, I was wrong in many ways in my comment on this story.

I said she was wrong.  I said she was wrong to ask for his reinstatement.  I did not say she was wrong for forgiving him, but that asking for him to be reinstated was wrong.  I judged harshly and quickly.  She was right to speak up, it was her choice and I support her for speaking out and I should not have questioned her motives.  Undermining this young woman does not help the situation.

Mo'ne Davis is a class act, she is showing good sportsmanship by forgiving and by seeing the bigger picture here.  This story will follow him wherever he goes.  He will forever be the guy who tweeted this about a 13-year-old girl:

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Mon Mar 23, 2015 at 09:07 AM PDT

I have no idea what I’m doing

by Ellinorianne

It seems to be a theme in my life, well part of it. So much change in the last few years, from innumerable personal losses, job changes which just meant moving from one job I don’t love to another and the end of a fifteen year marriage. I put a lot of myself into the latter to the extent that it made everything else in my life move to the back seat. I made choices that meant I put off my health and my own wellbeing.

That’s an important thing to note. I made choices. Nothing so far in my life has not happened without my explicit consent. I chose to put off going back to school, I chose to encourage Gary to run for office rather than do it myself. He really is far more even keeled than I am and has far fewer tread marks on his tongue than I would ever had had if I’d run for any kind of public office. It is not who I am, nor do I think I would be suited for public office. That’s okay, I am learning where I fit.

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Mon Oct 13, 2014 at 08:20 PM PDT

Vagina Tax Indeed

by Ellinorianne

Oh Sarah Silverman, how we love thee. The Vagina Tax Campaign has launched and so has the over the top representation of a very real issue that every woman faces. Unequal pay for equal work. And yes, the transgender community is offended, which I think is fair. Somebody is going to be offended when it involves Sarah Silverman, I think it's just a given.

Of course it's an important issue, working against unequal pay is meaningful and all that money that doesn't wind up in women's pockets winds up lining the pockets of shareholders. It's profitable to be sexist. It's not a mistake that more women retire into poverty and, as we know, have a longer life expectancy than the average man.

But there are so many more ways that girls and women are taxed everywhere.

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Sat Oct 11, 2014 at 11:26 AM PDT

I'm coming out

by Ellinorianne

Sort of, it's been a very long and difficult year of growth and newness.  My divorce was final as of August 8th of this year.  September 12th marked the 16th anniversary of our wedding. My ex got the date and year of our marriage on our court papers wrong.  It bothered me of course.

I'm working full time now and depend on spousal support to make ends meet.  I have debt from buying clothes (Lost weight, slowly gaining it back due to another bought of depression, yesterday was mental health awareness) and moving out of the apartment we rented together.  I have a lot of bills basically.

I also have a job that pays only a dollar more than what I made when I started a job in 2001.  My take home pay doesn't even cover my rent.

Oh, it's a sob story, there are millions of them here.

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Dating has been beyond interesting.  It’s helped me find a new center and understanding of myself that I doubt I would have wandered to on my own.  Relationships grow through interaction and that interaction forces us to examine things about ourselves.  At least it does for me.  Why does a particular person garner a certain response?  Why do they illicit feelings and make me recoil in a particular way?  Why am I compelled to want to be near them or why would I, even if I am very much drawn to them in so many ways, not sexually attracted to them?

I am cursed with many positive traits that can, out of context, be taken as cool and quite off-putting.  I examine things to the point they become unrecognizable.  Merely pieces and nothing whole and coherent.  I am also learning to merely enjoy the moment, like breathing in deeply the late afternoon air and enjoying a walk along the local wilderness park trails during my daughter’s softball practice.  It is nothing but a walk, something to get me moving.

The last few months have been fraught with exercising these maddening personality traits of mine, to a degree of almost uncomfortable.  Every date is examined, every rejection, every time I say, I’m just not that into him, I’m rethinking what I want in a relationship and what I expect from the people in my life.  It’s a good thing.  I’m learning that I won’t put up with a lot of shit.  I won’t be treated a certain way and that I deserve so much better than I've been allowing in the past.  

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Fri Feb 14, 2014 at 08:33 AM PST

Valentine's is for You

by Ellinorianne

It’s the first Valentines in a long time that I’ve been single.  No date, nothing to do.  And I’ve come to the conclusion that of course, it’s kind of awesome.  I don’t need a Valentines.  We know of course here that it’s a manufactured Holiday meant to drive the consumption of pretty useless consumer goods.  We should love each other as much as possible every-single-day.

I thought about this yesterday, I was an emotional mess.  My dear friend Gus had passed away exactly one year ago, February 13th, 2012.  He was a very important person to me even though I had failed to realize just how important until he was gone.

That emptiness has remained.  It has been more fully realized since I’ve started making such incredible upheavals in my life, from a divorce to working again.  I have also lost almost 45 pounds having come to the place in my life that I’m secure enough to let go of the adipose armor that has kept me from being able to be close to anyone, the protective tissue that was warding off the world and insulating me from so much.

I am finding myself.  It’s been an amazing six months and quite painful, jubilant, turbulent, and all the other adjectives that describe upheaval.  I’ve been digging deep and such change does not come easily, nor cheaply.  Its cost me a great deal of mental and emotional energy, well spent.

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This has been a new game for me to alleviate any crippling anxiety I may be experiencing.  I tend to dwell and I tend to dwell on the things I can’t control sometimes.  With all this change in my life, everything seems to be up in the air.  Divorce, weight loss, new job and a totally new direction in life, it’s just all in flux.  So anything else that happens that is new that has more than one possible scenario, my mind goes a million miles a minute.  I find I have to quell the cacophony of possibilities or I will drive myself into the ground.

It’s more complicated than this though.  With the new exercise routine I have new found energy.  With new energy, I also have a lot of extra energy that I haven’t quite learned what to do with.  It leaves me with a lot of extra wheels to spin.  I’m just wound pretty tight.

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Mon Nov 25, 2013 at 08:27 PM PST

My First 5k

by Ellinorianne

It's only about 3 miles, a 5k, but it's such a long run for me.  Just a handful of weeks ago I couldn't run a quarter of a mile without stopping.  I asked my trainer how long she thought it would take me to power through without stopping, she said maybe two weeks.  It took me two days.

I tend to be tenacious when I set my mind to things.  I just haven't been putting that tenacity to work in the last few years.  I let myself be swallowed by a lot of doubt and self-criticism.  I've decided that it's just not good enough.  I deserve better.

I started this journey on July 24th, a journey of getting into shape, being healthier and just taking better care of myself.  It's been a tough one.  I've never been one to workout regularly, ever.  But I started by going to the gym 5-days-a-week, religiously.  I rarely miss a workout and when I do, it's for a good reason.

I not only have weight to lose, but I've had some health issues, which I've written about extensively here (and my weight as well).  I was diagnosed with RA and Fibromyalgia in 2008.  I also have exercise induced asthma.  What may seem easy for some was challenging for me when I first started my exercise routine.

This Saturday though, I got some great news.  In three months, I've lost 20 inches from my chest, waist, hips and thighs.  20 INCHES.  6 inches from my waist alone.  I've lost 25 pounds in 5 months.  It's been slow going but I know I've also gained muscle mass and I'm much stronger than I was just five months ago.  

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Wed Nov 20, 2013 at 09:25 AM PST

Divorce and Finding Work

by Ellinorianne

Big changes have come to my neck of the woods and the last couple of years have found me mostly absent from Daily Kos.  I used to be quite a prolific diarist, I had a lot to say and still do, but there's just been a lot going on.

I miss writing, a great deal.  More than any words can express and I've actually tried to start my own blog but can't seem to get it to work, which is another rant I could go on forever.  I'm not tech savvy.

But the changes are good.  And painful.  And hard.

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