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Mon Nov 05, 2012 at 05:30 PM PST


by freshrant

(  The title is not misspelled.  It’s the name I propose for every GM and Chrysler vehicle made in this country since President Obama took office. Republican wordsmiths thought they could use Obama's name to discredit The Patient Protection and Affordable Care Act.  I believe time will tell that attaching Obama's name to the healthcare bill as a negative will backfire. I suggest supporters reclaim Obama's name, this time to highlight the president's key role in saving the U.S. automobile industry.

Just as the president went against consensus to go in for the kill of Osama bin Laden, so did Obama ignore the full-throated chorus of dissenting Republican voices. Most notable among those discordant voices was that of Mitt Romney, who was ready to “Let Detroit Go Bankrupt” and dump the American automobile onto the trash heap of history.

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(Dayton, Ohio; Milwaukee, Wisconsin; Des Moines, Iowa)  In rare joint press conferences held on a whirlwind tri-swing state tour, Mitt Romney and Paul Ryan expressed frustration at being "plumb out of ideas" on how to make a show of their concern for Hurricane Sandy victims.

"I'd say watching Chris Christie making one adoring statement after another about Barack Obama during their tour of New Jersey while we struggle for ways to look good while campaigning in swing states is the real disaster," chuckled Governor Romney while giving the impression of what a sad face might look like.

Romney told a crowd of supporters gathered in a Dayton, Ohio high school gymnasium that his campaign staff would be operating campaign disaster relief phone banks to receive ideas on "how to repair the damage of looking crass and artificially caring while campaigning."

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(   Powerful NRA lobbyists have almost single-handedly controlled the national dialogue on guns, especially when it comes to legislators.  In this context, we should note that the very term "gun control" has the ring of insult to freedom-loving, constitution-abiding, gun-owning Americans.  It is also obfuscatory, if not completely inaccurate.

A majority of Americans are not in favor controlling most guns and hunting rifles.  The NRA has been enormously successful in convoluting ownership of pistols and rifles into the discussion of restricting the sale of semi-automatic weapons and magazines capable of firing a bullet a second (as was the case in the Colorado theater shooting).

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(  Raise your hands if you remember when Dick Cheney, in response to an interviewer's question about ballooning Bush spending, glibly replied, "Deficits don't matter."   Outside of a handful of economists and former Reagan/Bush administration officials, there was nary a peep from the Tea Party then.   Oh.  That's right.  There was no Tea Party.  It wasn't until the nation elected it's first black president that opposition began forming to protest all things Obama, even if the president had been in office for a few weeks and the fiscal hole we were in was dug over the past eight years by George W. Bush.

The post-election February I'm talking about is 2005.   You know, the one right after W. swaggered into that post-election party in the Ronald Reagan Building and crowed about his mandate to privatize social security and to build "an ownership society" in which everyone can buy a house.   Even though Bush had squeaked back into office by a margin of  a little over 1%, four years of voter-tested Texas hyperbole was not about to put a lid on four more years of vintage Texas bullshit.

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(  Hear ye! Hear ye!  Thee Party we knoweth as Tea!

Standard and Poor's could not have been clearer in recognizing you for your role in the first ever AAA rating downgrade of the full faith and credit of the United States of America.

"We have changed our assumption on this [ability to solve US fiscal difficulties] because the majority of Republicans in Congress continue to resist any measure that would raise revenues, a position we believe Congress reinforced by passing the [Budget Control Act Amendment of 2011] act."

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( In a series of cascading revelations, an emotionless Arnold Schwarzenegger described in graphic detail his foiled attempts to go back in time to kill his pregnant housekeeper “in order to prevent her human son from being born.”

Arnold Schwarzenegger’s stunning admission came at a hastily called press conference held in front of Hollywood’s Universal Studios.  California’s once popular governor claims to have traveled back in time to terminate his housekeeper’s pregnancy “to get Maria off my back.”

Schwarzengger revealed time traveling back to 1997 Los Angeles to bomb a Planned Parenthood Clinic where his former housekeeper was seeking pre-natal care for her unborn son.   “It would have been a kind of twofer, getting rid of a Planned Parenthood Clinic and killing the pregnant human,” claimed the icy former governator.

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Mon May 02, 2011 at 01:49 PM PDT

Obama Now In The Hunt For Trump

by freshrant

With Osama bin Laden eliminated, Donald Trump fled the Sunday night taping of the “Celebrity Apprentice” as word leaked out that President Obama was out "to make Trump my bitch."

While not part of President Obama’s nationally televised address, a statement attributed to the president leaked out to the press, “Now that we got bin Laden,  I’m fired up to make that wuss-faced twizzle my ‘ho.”

“Celebrity Apprentice” guest star, Meatloaf, told reporters Trump became visibly upset over Obama’s announcement of the successful execution of Osama bin Laden.

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(  British women, desperate to replicate the fashions of posh female guests at William and Catherine's wedding, are being blamed for “an unprecedented crisis in supplies of ludicrous-looking hats.”

Milliners report entire stocks of frumpy feathered hats and large tumorous chapeaus completely selling out.

“We ask the public not to panic,” said a spokesman from the Ministry of Silly Hats.  “We are suggesting people rip open available feather pillows as a stopgap measure to embellish existing head wear.  If pillows are unavailable, we recommend Legos, any manner of plastic fruit and flowers or objects from kitchen cupboards.”

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With less fairy tale and more cautionary tale of "The New Normal" in mind, Brits, along with the rest of the world, have failed to imagine the relative ease terrorists would have in sabotaging the royal wedding.

( What could be a more perfect setting for a willing suspension of disbelief than a fairy tale?  But Will and Kate’s royal wedding is no mere fairy tale.  It’s already being billed as the wedding of a still prepubescent century.   The international media repeats the mesmerizing story of a handsome prince who won the heart of a beautiful commoner.  The world waits breathlessly to see all the royals and all the carriages and all the queen’s horses and all the queen’s men parade in pomp and circumstance through the streets of London town.

Disturbingly, this time of indulging in this singular fantasy of a royal wedding is the precise moment in which the British people have let down their guard of critical faculties allowing them to be exposed to the possibility of an asymmetrical terrorist attack of historic proportions.

Continue Reading — Billionaire real estate tycoon and Busey-Meatloaf Brat Pack member, Donald Trump arrived in the all-important primary state of New Hampshire to take credit for forcing one of "the blacks" occupying the White House into releasing his long form birth certificate.

Trump shocked a small gathering of reporters, birthers and those just hoping for a glimpse of Omarosa by releasing what he called "his own secret weapon," a long form Certificate of Dickishness".

Trump proudly said of the document, "By the time I was in third grade, my teachers and classmates already recognized me as a major tool.   In my family, pricks were considered to be a good thing.  My dad paid my teacher to draw up a document that proved I was a certifiable wanker.  The school was only too happy to comply.  I am really proud of myself and very honored for being able to show the world for who I really am."

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(  Is there historical precedent for very large earthquakes to strike in the same region within relatively short intervals?
When there is a major earthquake measuring around 8.0 or more on the Richter scale, there is often another quake of equal or greater force within months of the first temblor.   Keep in mind the March 11th quake off the coast of Japan was measured at 8.9/9.0, the largest quake in the history of Japan.

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Sun Apr 10, 2011 at 01:11 PM PDT

Why FOX Dumped Its Crazy Mormon

by freshrant

(  Fair or not, Mitt Romney's religious beliefs remain teetering on the edge of Christian legitimacy for the GOP's large evangelical base.  It is unfortunate for Romney that America's other most famous Mormon is Glenn Beck.  Fox News had no recourse but to boot its most infamous ranter from its star GOP infomercial lineup to clear the decks for the 2012 election and what I would argue to be the GOP's only viable candidate for the general election.  More on that in a minute.

Of course, it was not just Beck's close association with the church of the GOP's front runner that got Beck the boot.  While FOX management was perfectly content to have Beck trash all Obama policies all the time, it was a lesser publicized statement Beck made about Bush I and II and "the coming caliphate" that brought heat from the GOP establishment.

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