Brought to you by the Department of Homeland Security and the United States Congress - desperately pandering making America proud!
Q: My flag is old and falling apart. Can I incinerate it?
A: No. Flag-burning is desecration, and punishable by law. Halliburton makes a great plastic flag (available exclusively at Wal-Mart, America's retailer) that is flameproof and will never biodegrade. Get yours now at a specially discounted price before the mandatory purchase deadline!
Q: But what about USC Title 36, Chapter 10, Section 176(k)?
A: You must work for the ACLU. We'll deal with you hippie lawyers later.
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