I read this story today about Trust Women Week and the 1 in 3 Campaign. I was hoping it would get more traction than it did, because it spoke to me, and because the synchronicity was too much for me to ignore.
Hi, my name is puzzled and I had an abortion.
I had never typed those words, never thought I would, with or without my real name until last night. However, I have recently been on a very strange journey toward openness and self-examination which has pushed me well out of my comfort zone. (though not so far I'm ready to give up the relative anonymity of my nom de blog) :-)
I have shared many details of my life with the friend I’ve referenced in the above links, but had told him I needed to hold back a few parts of myself--that certain things were off-limits. This is one of those things I thought I’d never tell him. I couldn't imagine why I would, because it's a secret I've kept for decades. (insert wry laughter here)
I am finding that in direct contrast to the closed-off person I've always been, by opening up and trusting I am happier, calmer and less fearful. It makes no logical sense—giving someone information which could later be used to hurt me should make me feel less safe, not more, but life is complicated, and the journey, as well as my evolution, continues.
So I decided to take another giant step and tell him this story on January 22, the 39th anniversary of Roe v. Wade. Circumstances intervened, and Sunday passed without an opportunity to share it. Last night, the time was right, but I was afraid—my heart was pounding as I blurted out (can one actually blurt while typing?) a short version of what I am about to tell you. Though he is kind and non-judgmental, I worried that he would not understand. His politics are much more conservative than mine in some ways, he is a churchgoer, and he is adopted. All reasons I should just have STFU and kept my secret buried where it has been since I was fifteen. But I seem compelled to share (or perhaps over-share), so off I went.
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