Blaming myself...again

tuesdayschilde

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Wednesday May 21, 2014 · 5:53 PM PDT

2014/05/21 · 17:53

This is the first time I've ever written anything and I'm not really sure I'd call this a diary, more a scream of pain. As a few of you may remember, I am an incest survivor. It was a long time ago, I've had a lot of therapy, and I really thought I was dealing well with it.

I got married about six months after I escaped. Probably not wise, but I was young and in love, and we all do foolish things sometimes. The thing is, it was the late 70s and I was ashamed of what happened so I didn't tell him until after we were married. At the time he seemed understanding and encouraged me to go to therapy. I always said I probably wouldn't have survived without him.

Fast forward to last September. He came to me to tell me he was moving in with his girlfriend. Then he told me I should have told him that I was molested before we were married so he could have "had a choice".

I am devastated. I can't sleep, I'm depressed, angry, and those words echo in my mind over and over. I feel ashamed and violated all over again, and I hear that little voice in my head again, the one that says it's all my fault.

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