NRA Gives Nine-Year-Old Award for Killing Instructor

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Thursday August 28, 2014 · 6:32 PM PDT

2014/08/28 · 18:32

At an NRA ceremony today, Sarah Palin presented a “Little Mama Grizzly Freedom” award to a nine-year-old girl who accidently sprayed her instructor with an Uzi.

“What this little girl did shows that the Second Amendment is alive and well,” said Ms. Palin from a podium draped in an American flag “The liberals want to take automatic weapons away from nine-year-olds. Well, this little girl said pretty clear: ‘That’s not gonna happen. Not on my watch.’”

The nine-year-old did not attend the ceremony. Reached for comment, she was unable to speak.

A festive crowd greeted Ms. Palin with cheers of “shoot, baby, shoot,” to which Ms. Palin responded, “I will, and we are! Ten rounds a second, baby!” An Uzi, such as the one that killed the instructor, can shoot up to ten rounds per second.

“Our liberal friends say we’ve become a death cult, that we’re obsessed with guns and only speak in the language of violence,” said attendee Bill Biovac. “Well, I’ve got a shooting range I’d like to take them to then accidently spray them with bullets on.” (sic) Mr. Biovac wife nodded her head in agreement.

Senator Mitch McConnell, locked in a tough re-election campaign, was also in attendance. Telling the crowd, “My opponent doesn’t like guns. That’s why I need your help, so I can electorally shoot her in the head like that brave little girl did to her instructor.”

After the event, several attendees went to the parking lot, and while yelling “freedom”, shot at cars driving by on the highway. Police did not intervene.

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