I had one of my fantasies today. It was a political fantasy.
It's Wednesday, August 8, 2012 and under the heat of the pressure from "the left" Mitt Romney steps to the microphone to make an announcement: "This Friday, I will release to the public my tax returns from the previous 20 years - a history-making act that will prove that I have paid all taxes due over this lengthy period. I believe that the American people will see that no candidate has ever been more forthcoming with his personal information. The returns will be given to The Wall Street Journal, fine conservative publication that it is, so they can immediately be published for the scrutiny of all who are interested in doing so."
The hand-picked, Republican crowd cheers wildly, "Go Mitt, Go."
Friday arrives and The Wall Street Journal sells a record number of papers, even having to print extras to accommodate the demand. The editors couldn't be happier. If elected, Romney won't be having any problems with the WSJ.
As America gets its first look at the candidate's returns, it is clear that something is amiss. Each tax return is only one page long and contains very little information. The top line on the first one reads, "My tax return from 1993." Following that is a line that says, "Amount of tax owed and paid to Big Government: Lots and lots." Then at the bottom of the page is Romney's signature in crayon. Each return is the same, with a subsequent year listed at the top.
MSNBC and liberal talk radio frantically report that the Romney "tax returns" are obvious fakes and that this proves that he cannot be trusted as our President. That evening, Rachel Maddow's show is a laugh riot - the satire over Romney's lack of sophistication in forging tax records. Same thing on the Daily Show and Colbert. Ed Schultz nearly has a stroke, yelling and screaming about how little integrity this candidate has: "Hell, no one can expect us to buy this crap, can they?"
But over on FOX News, they are covering the events in a more fair and balanced way:
Kelly: "There are those who claim that Romney didn't release his actual returns, but rather amended returns. So lots of Americans amend their returns."
O'Reilly: "Some, on the left, are alleging the returns are forgeries. These people are clearly pinheads."
Hannity: "He gave them what they wanted, showed them what they demanded to see; can these liberals not be happy with anything he does? This could be predicted prior to Mitt's releasing his returns."
Coulter: "If liberals weren't such immoral, treasonous, lying reprobates, they would clearly see that the tax returns are real."
Rove: "Nevada voters need to tell Harry Reid to shut his big mouth."
I sit and watch, wondering if maybe Ed was right. Could anyone possibly expect us to believe this? The right-wing noise machine is loud - far louder than can be mediated by reason, integrity, and sense.
Over the remaining months prior to the election, the liberal talking heads state facts while the conservative talking heads distort and lie as much as they have to in support of their guy. In order to appear non-partisan, CNN's Wolf Blitzer and others take a position in the middle, stating that one cannot conclude, for sure, whether the tax returns were fake. Since the matter is settled, Romney doesn't have to answer any further questions about his taxes during the debates. In fact, because the moderators have to pretend to be journalists, no questions come Romney's way about his personal finances at all - for fear that the questions would be liberally biased. And President Obama doesn't dare bring it up.
Romney surges ahead in the polls and my fantasy becomes too depressing to consider any further. Sorry for the sad ending, but I have an epilogue following the squiggle-de-dooper.
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