Humor: Europe Terror Alerts

Direwolf for Shakedown Street: For Deadheads on Kos

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Thursday February 24, 2011 · 9:06 AM PST

2011/02/24 · 09:06

OK, I did not search tags and I am reproducing this in its entirety. But it is quite funny and I am sure John Cleese would not mind if it is posted repeatedly and in its entirety. He just seems like such a nice chap.

[UPDATE]: It seems that I should have researched even more. Snopes says it was not written by John Cleese so I changed the title. And furthermore, it was aorund way back in 2002. But it is still funny and it seems a bunch of folks never had read it before.

ALERTS TO TERROR THREATS IN 2011 EUROPE

In response to the Department of Homeland Security's recent announcements about threat alerts, John Cleese (or some other guy) had this to say:
The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent terrorist threats and have therefore raised their security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved." Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to "Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross." The English have not been "A Bit Cross" since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies nearly ran out. Terrorists have been re-categorized from "Tiresome" to "A Bloody Nuisance." The last time the British issued a "Bloody Nuisance" warning level was in 1588, when threatened by the Spanish Armada.

The Scots have raised their threat level from "Pissed Off" to "Let's get the Bastards." They don't have any other levels. This is the reason they have been used on the front line of the British army for the last 300 years.

The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide." The only two higher levels in France are "Collaborate" and "Surrender." The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France's white flag factory, effectively paralyzing the country's military capability.

Italy has increased the alert level from "Shout Loudly and Excitedly" to "Elaborate Military Posturing." Two more levels remain: "Ineffective Combat Operations" and "Change Sides."

The Germans have increased their alert state from "Disdainful Arrogance" to "Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs." They also have two higher levels: "Invade a Neighbor" and "Lose."

Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual; the only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels.

The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.

Australia, meanwhile, has raised its security level from "No worries" to "She'll be alright, Mate." Two more escalation levels remain:
"Crikey! I think we'll need to cancel the barbie this weekend!" and "The barbie is canceled." So far no situation has ever warranted use of the final escalation level.

John Cleese - British writer, actor and tall person - APPARENTLY NOT!

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Bonnaroo 2011: Who is playing? Are you going?

Direwolf for Shakedown Street: For Deadheads on Kos

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Friday February 18, 2011 · 8:49 AM PST

2011/02/18 · 08:49

A bunch of my buddies have been going to Bonnaroo for years. I finally joined them in 2009. Pretty much five minutes into my first band, Gomez, I turned to another newbie buddy and asked, "what was our excuse again for not coming the previous years?"

What started as a jam band festival has morphed into a rock n' roll festival. Still lots of jam bands but also indie rockers, a few rappers, and good old American rock n' roll bands. Last year I bopped from John Prine to Jeff Beck to Jimmy Cliff and saw the John Butler Trio for the first time (and definitely not the last!).

This year is the 10th Anniversary and everyone had been waiting on what was expected to be a big lineup. The lineup was announced on Tuesday and I don't think it disappointed. Rumors had The Rolling Stones or U2 but Arcade Fire and Eminem off their big Grammy nights are pretty damn good (and a little more relevant for the mostly younger crowd).

Jam band fans like me have lots to look forward to with Widespread Panic, My Morning Jacket, String Cheese Incident, STS9, Gregg Allman, Warren Haynes, Railroad Earth (one of my absolute faves), and Bela Fleck and the Flecktones (those dudes are indescribably amazing), Bruce Hornsby, and many more. Grace Potter and the Nocturnals are gonna rock the place again as well.

I'm heading back for sure for three days of amazing music, heat and humidity, port a potties, amazing music, new friends, really yummy hot breakfasts cooked in our campsite, amazing music, and more amazing music.

Who else is going? What do you think of the lineup? What bands/performers are you psyched to see? Got any recommendations among the more obscure bands? I'm 50. Every year my daughter, now 20, offer her suggestions. I discovered Okervil River from her. Maybe some of you young Kossacks can recommend bands for us old timers who are into classic rock. The full lineup is immediately below.

* Eminem
* Arcade Fire
* Widespread Panic
* The Black Keys
* Buffalo Springfield feat Richie Furay, Stephen Stills, Neil Young
* My Morning Jacket
* Lil Wayne
* String Cheese Incident
* Robert Plant & Band of Joy
* Mumford & Sons
* The Strokes
* The Decemberists
* Ray Lamontagne
* Bassnectar
* Iron & Wine
* Girl Talk
* Primus
* Dr. John and The Original Meters performing Desitively Bonnaroo
* Alison Krauss & Union Station featuring Jerry Douglas
* Pretty Lights
* Florence + the Machine
* Superjam ft. Dan Auerbach and Dr. John
* Explosions in the Sky
* STS9
* Gogol Bordello
* Beirut
* Big Boi
* Scissor Sisters
* Gregg Allman
* Ratatat
* Global Gypsy Punk Revue curated by Eugene Hütz
* Robyn
* Warren Haynes Band
* Deerhunter
* Opeth
* Atmosphere
* Old Crow Medicine Show
* Bootsy Collins & the Funk University
* Wiz Khalifa
* Matt & Kim
* Grace Potter & the Nocturnals
* The Del McCoury Band and the Preservation Hall Jazz Band
* Mavis Staples
* Béla Fleck & the Flecktones
* Chiddy Bang
* Jovanotti
* Bruce Hornsby & the Noisemakers
* Loretta Lynn
* Cold War Kids
* The Walkmen
* Devotchka
* Wanda Jackson
* Neon Trees
* Portugal. The Man
* Sleigh Bells
* Amos Lee
* Best Coast
* Dãm-Funk & Master Blazter
* The Sword
* The Drums
* The Black Angels
* School of Seven Bells
* J. Cole
* Nicole Atkins & the Black Sea
* Wavves
* !!!
* Junip
* Freelance Whales
* Justin Townes Earle
* Ryan Bingham
* Deer Tick
* Band of Skulls
* Sharon Van Etten
* Abigail Washburn
* Omar Souleyman
* Twin Shadow
* Kylesa
* Man Man
* The Low Anthem
* Alberta Cross
* Railroad Earth
* Jessica Lea Mayfield
* Smith Westerns
* The Head and the Heart
* Karen Elson
* Beats Antique
* 22-20s
* Phosphorescent
* Clare MaGuire
* Hayes Carll

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Deadheads Need More Shows

Direwolf for Shakedown Street: For Deadheads on Kos

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Wednesday February 16, 2011 · 5:40 PM PST

2011/02/16 · 17:40

I'm getting my shows in person in March and April when I catch Furthur at Radio City in NYC and in Atlanta at the Fox Theater. But for many of us Deadheads, the shows we get are just the ones we have downloaded or traded or been given.

Many of Shakedown Street's followers have probably already seen this series of animated videos from Xtranormal but if you have not they are well worth a viewing. Guaranteed to provide a few laughs, and for many of us, they may strike a little too close to home. And Mrs. Not Deadhead sure is a cutie!

[UPDATE]: The emdbeds don't seem to be working anymore. They worked fine in preview and when the diary first went up. The link above should take you to the "Need More Shows" animated videos page at Xrtranormal. Here are links to the individual videos.

Need More Shows One
Need More Shows Two/The Phil Bomb
Need More Shows Three

I think this one may be the best:

After that Phil Bomb here is the last of the series:

I'm off to download and burn a few more shows!

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What is your favorite?

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What is your favorite?

One

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Welcome Deadheads!!!

Direwolf for Shakedown Street: For Deadheads on Kos

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Sunday February 13, 2011 · 5:35 PM PST

2011/02/13 · 17:35

When I awoke the Dire Wolf, six hundred pounds of sin, was grinning at my window, all I said was "Come on in."

You all are grinning and you are welcome to come in.

I'd like to make this a real group effort as I don't have the time or knowledge base to hold down the fort myself.

I've been fortunate to catch Furthur five times so far including the epic show in Chicago on March 3, 2010.

I: Playin in the Band > Born Cross-Eyed > Eyes of the World > Jack Straw > Wharf Rat > Uncle John's Band > China Cat Sunflower > I Know You Rider

II: Scarlet Begonias > Fire on the Mountain, New Potato Caboose > St. Stephen > The Eleven > The Other One > So Many Roads, Help on the Way > Slipknot! > Franklin's Tower

E: Box of Rain > Johnny B. Goode

This is really hot band and the scene feels almost like the good old days, at least as much as that can be without Jerry.

I'll be at Radio City on 3/26 and 3/27. Hope to see some of you all there!

Steve

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How many shows have you seen?

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How many shows have you seen?

0-5

11 votes

6-10

6 votes

11-20

10 votes

21-40

9 votes

41-99

16 votes

more than 100

9 votes

Welcome Deadheads to Shakedown Street Group

Direwolf

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Sunday February 13, 2011 · 5:04 PM PST

2011/02/13 · 17:04

When I awoke the Dire Wolf, six hundred pounds of sin, was grinning at my window, all I said was "Come on in."

You all are grinning and you are welcome to come in.

I'd like to make this a real group effort as I don't have the time or knowledge base to hold down the fort myself.

I've been fortunate to catch Furthur five times so far including the epic show in Chicago on Marc 3, 2010.

I: Playin in the Band > Born Cross-Eyed > Eyes of the World > Jack Straw > Wharf Rat > Uncle John's Band > China Cat Sunflower > I Know You Rider

II: Scarlet Begonias > Fire on the Mountain, New Potato Caboose > St. Stephen > The Eleven > The Other One > So Many Roads, Help on the Way > Slipknot! > Franklin's Tower

E: Box of Rain > Johnny B. Goode

This is really hot band and the scene feels almost like the good old days, at least as much as that can be without Jerry.

I'll be at Radio City on 3/26 and 3/27. Hope to see some of you all there!

Steve

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How many shows have you seen?

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How many shows have you seen?

0-5

1 vote

6-10

0 votes

11-20

0 votes

21-40

1 vote

more than 40

2 votes

more than 100

0 votes

Deadheads need a group

Direwolf

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Sunday February 13, 2011 · 3:34 PM PST

2011/02/13 · 15:34

We are a community unto ourselves son why not gather here at Kos. With Furthur about to tour again and Bill K. doing lots of cool stuff it would seem we could talk about show reviews, exchange tickets, and just talk the Dead.

I think you need to be a Trusted User to create a group. I've been around here a long time but just mostly a reader. Maybe a TU Deadhead could help.

I'll be at Furthur at Radio City on 3/26 and 3/27 and maybe 3/25 if GDTS comes through. Maybe Atlanta as well.

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Will They Denounce This?

Direwolf

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Wednesday January 19, 2011 · 8:12 AM PST

2011/01/19 · 08:12

I am hoping that one outcome of Obama's Tucson speech and the apparently heightened sensitivity to outrageous rhetoric is that Republican politicians, particularly leadership, will be called upon by mainstream media to denounce such rhetoric when it is stated by those with a reasonably large megaphone.

I'd say that Tea Party Nation founder, Judson Phillips, qualifies. According to this article at TalkingPointsMemo.com, Phillips has crossed the line. Again.

"Both Obama and Hu have the same vision for the future of America. They both want to see America as a weakened, impotent power, incapable of doing anything without international assistance."

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Will Republicans be called on to denounce Phillips and will they?

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Will Republicans be called on to denounce Phillips and will they?

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Yes and No

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No and No

84 votes

No and Yes

1 vote

Northern Trust Enters LGBT Financial Planning

Direwolf

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Thursday June 17, 2010 · 1:08 PM PDT

2010/06/17 · 13:08

I don't normally participate much here at Kos though as my ID notes I've been a long-time member of the community. When I do participate it is never in LGBT issues. I'm completely supportive of the LGBT community but it is just not my thing when it comes to political passion. I do act as Treasurer for an elected Countywide officeholder who is out of the closet.

That is a long way of qualifying this diary entry.

I have my own money management firm and hedge fund specializing in media and communications stocks. I have clients who use Northern Trust for custody.

Direwolf

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Wednesday May 06, 2009 · 7:04 AM PDT

2009/05/06 · 07:04

I thought the boys were right on all night. The first set was incredibly strong. Quite a set list. The jams in Chicago struck me as very powerful, more so than the sweet and powerful jams with Jerry. The band is playing at its best since Jerry's passing without question. The ensemble is strong and Warren's quality and breadth is really important.

I also want to mention the crowd which was extremely enthusiastic both nights. Roaring as songs ended right until they started up again. Rising with the jams as the back half of most songs really circled higher. I have not been elsewhere on the tour but I can't imagine a better crowd response. I was close enough to see the band members both nights and I think they really felt the crowd.

Here is the set list. I think the first set is just exceptional.

Direwolf

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Tuesday May 05, 2009 · 8:00 AM PDT

2009/05/05 · 08:00

Did you go last night? Are you going tonight?

I went last night and enjoyed it a lot. The show really kicked in for me during the jamming in the second half of West LA Fadeaway in the middle of the first set. I thought it was very strong from that point on. Highlights included a rocking Iko out of drums and space, a great Watchtower to close the first set, and a personal favorite, Standing on the Moon in the slow Jerry spot post space second set. I also dug the acoustic stuff to open the second set. I think that is the thrid time this tour for acoustic. Warren leading a cover of Van Morrison's Into the Mystic was especially strong.

The parking lot scene was great on a beautiful spring night in Chicago. Looks much the same for tonight.

Direwolf

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Monday May 04, 2009 · 5:33 AM PDT

2009/05/04 · 05:33

I have an extra ticket for The Dead in Chicago on Tuesday, May 5th. Unfortunately, this is not a miracle ticket. I am looking for face value, which with all extra charges is $105.

I'd love to find a friendly, progressive Kossack to join us. A good group of guys is going and will be sitting in the adjoining seats.

If you are interested, please email me at northlakecapital at gmail dotcom

Here's to a few days of touring in Chicago!

Enjoy the shows!

Steve

The Dead Meets Obama Amid Scarlet Begonias

Direwolf

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Wednesday April 15, 2009 · 8:57 AM PDT

2009/04/15 · 08:57

The Washington Post has an article about an oval office meeting between the Dead and Obama. Apparently, teabagging was not discussed but scarlet begonias appeared in the hallway.

David Axelrod is mentioned as a deadhead and he will be joining a few other Administration Deadheads at the show at Verizon Center.

My good buddy, who I saw the majority of my 40-50 Dead shows with, was in Greensboro for opening night and sent me a couple of mid-show updates that sounded very promising.

Don't forget to check out the Scarlet video linked in the article. Anything from 1977 is great and Jerry is happy and dancing in this one.

I'll be cathcing both nights in Chicago. Looking forward to a mini tour. I've heard the boys rehearsed hard and sound good.

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Deadheads Need More Shows

Welcome Deadheads!!!

Welcome Deadheads to Shakedown Street Group

Deadheads need a group

Will They Denounce This?

Northern Trust Enters LGBT Financial Planning

The Dead in Chicago: Second Night

The Dead in Chicago

The Dead in Chicago: Extra Ticket for 5/5

The Dead Meets Obama Amid Scarlet Begonias