The crazed Likudnik blogger and 'entertainment lawyer' Jennifer Rubin is busily turning the Washington Post's opinion page into a mirror of The Onion.
Yet despite her uncannily inaccurate prediction of a Romney landslide in 2012 Rubin refuses to sit on her laurels. Like William Kristol, she has to be wrong about everything.
And so, while the current GOP field looks like The Keystone Cops meet The Ritz Brothers, Rubin is predicting good things. But first, some tough love:
As a colleague put it, “The world is a bit of a mess.” As such, it is easy to fall prey to pessimism, even despair.
For conservatives who believe their ideas offer the best hope for the country and the world there is a sense of amazement and downright despondency.
I will now play 'Hearts and Flowers' on the world's smallest violin. But do go on, Jennifer:
The world economy is volatile and the U.S. economy is tepid. Work participation rates have crashed, health-care costs and college debt are soaring and income disparity is widening. Poverty and inequality are up. Maybe Obamacare and a huge regulatory state are permanent features and drags on economic growth and dynamism.
Internationally, the United States is in retreat and malevolent forces (Russia, the Islamic State, Iran) are in ascendancy.
OK, for starters, it's evidently escaped Ms. Rubin's notice that the world economy has always been volatile. Perhaps she's spent the last 50 years in a bathyscaphe, submerged in the Mariana Trench, observing tube worms. But we should be so lucky.
And what, exactly, is the US in retreat from? Criminally stupid overseas military adventures? I can see that my tiny violin is going to get a real workout here.
As for '...Work participation rates have crashed, health-care costs and college debt are soaring and income disparity is widening. Poverty and inequality are up...', that has been the whole agenda of the GOP.
Except for the alleged 'soaring health-care costs'. Thanks to President Obama and the ACA, that's a flat-out lie. But maybe if your gang of spiteful imbeciles vote to kill Obamacare another 50 times, it can become true.
But tell us, do: how has this parlous state of affairs come about?
News coverage and political discourse are frivolous, crass and serve to obscure not enlighten. In the GOP party, a man of exceptionally rotten temperament and noxious attitudes toward foreigners and women sits atop the polls, with a lovely but unqualified gentleman in second place. The media generates polls predicative of nothing much, obsessively covers them and thereby affects everything from fundraising to debate participation to the advantage of entirely unserious characters.
So, you slam Trump for his '...noxious attitudes toward foreigners and women...', but you're all-in for a party that makes despising foreigners and women an article of faith?
Oh, I get it: Trump is obnoxious to the wrong foreigners and women. If only he hated Palestinians, Persians and Arabs more; if only he was obnoxious to Democratic women (instead of Megyn Kelly and Carly Fiorina), all would be well, right?
But you're bumming me out, lady; surely, there's some good news for the GOP?
Despair however is neither warranted nor advisable. Without being Pollyannaish, let me suggest four reasons to fend off despondency.
Oh, goody, a list. I love lists!
First, perspective is in order. The country has gone through much worse, be it the Civil War or the Great Depression or the Vietnam era (when America’s campuses and street were aflame, our international reputation was tattered and a corrupt president was forced to resign).
Whoa, things are really looking up for the GOP: no Civil War, no corrupt Republican President exiting in disgrace, no war in South-East Asia. This will definitely put a smile on Reince Priebus' face. What else?
Second, if one looks beyond media distortion, the reality is not quite as bad as it is portrayed. Breaking down the polls, Donald Trump’s double-digit lead has been whittled down to single digits in many national and early state polls without so much as blowup on TV (in the vein of Howard Dean’s scream).
Naughty, naughty, Jen: the first poll you cite has Trump on 27%. In what world is that a 'single digit lead'? And the second poll you cite is over 2 weeks old and shows Trump leading at 23%.
Oh, I see, Trump is leading Crackpot Carson by 'single digits'? OK. So what? Carson has less chance of being nominated than the late Soupy Sales.
More to the point, your choices, Jen, are in the basement; Trump is leading Jeb!, Walker and Rubio by double digits and your hero Gov. Rick 'Oops' Perry has headed for the last round-up.
But carry on:
So look at the fluidity and volatility of the race and the multiplicity of candidates. You may find there is still a very good chance the GOP will stumble upon an electable candidate.
Ah...the old 'stumble upon an electable candidate' strategy. Perhaps they should have tried that in 2008 and 2012? They couldn't have done any worse.
But on to Reasons To Be Cheerful pt. 3:
Third, one cannot beat something with nothing, and fortunately Republicans have lots of ideas, good ones. Forget about the Trump scheme to round up 11 million people (anyone do the economic analysis of that?) and the old saw about “shutting down the IRS.” There are serious policy efforts going on. Sen. Rand Paul (R-Ky.), Sen. Marco Rubio (R-Fla.), New Jersey Gov. Chris Christie and former Florida governor Jeb Bush have full-blown tax plans. Louisiana Gov. Bobby Jindal and Wisconsin Gov. Scott Walker have well thought out health-care alternatives. Christie also has a concrete and detailed entitlement-reform plan. Bush, Rubio, Christie, Walker and Carly Fiorina have set forth a plethora of suggested changes in foreign policy.
OK, now you really are joking. 'Serious policy efforts'? Have you seen any of these 'full-blown tax plans'?
Paul:
Take a chainsaw to the tax-code.
More full-blown idiocy than 'full-blown tax plan'.
Rubio:
Rubio sat down with CNBC’s John Harwood, who asked the senator to explain how his identification with and professed concern for the middle class square with his tax plan, which showers the wealthy with tax cuts beyond their wildest dreams. It all makes sense, Rubio says, because his father was a bartender.
More full-blown idiocy.
Christie:
During his five years in office, New Jersey Gov. and now presidential candidate Chris Christie has consistently blocked progressive tax increases and sought to pass regressive and fiscally irresponsible tax cuts. The starkest example of how Gov. Christie has sought to make New Jersey’s tax code more unfair is that he consistently vetoed a small tax rate increase on millionaires but (conveniently until this week) refused to reverse his cuts to the state’s earned income tax credit (EITC). On the federal level, Gov. Christie has similarly laid out a broad tax cut plan that would heavily favor the wealthiest taxpayers while simultaneously slashing federal revenue.
More full-blown idiocy with added derp.
Jeb!:
More than half of the tax cuts proposed in former Florida Gov. Jeb Bush's (R) tax plan would flow to America's wealthiest citizens, according to a report released by the nonpartisan group Citizens for Tax Justice, which advocates for "requiring the wealthy to pay their fair share."
This is your idea of '...lots of ideas, good ones...'? What would you consider an excellent idea? Sacrificing every first-born child to Moloch?
But you say '...Louisiana Gov. Bobby Jindal and Wisconsin Gov. Scott Walker have well thought out health-care alternatives...'
Really?
On Wednesday, the US Supreme Court hears a case that if successful, could strip away health insurance from millions of people who depend on federal subsidies.
But Louisiana Governor and likely presidential candidate Bobby Jindal says he welcomes such a ruling, telling reporters at last week’s Conservative Political Action Conference: “When the subsidies go away, the individual mandate goes away, the employer mandate goes away. That’s a great thing. That’s a tax cut.”
But the impact of this “tax cut” could be dire in Louisiana. Because Jindal has refused to set up a state health care exchange or expand Medicaid, as many as 250,000 Louisianans could lose their coverage.
The damage could be exacerbated if the state legislature approves the budget Jindal released last week. Faced with a $1.6 billion budget shortfall and unwilling to raise any taxes, the Governor’s new proposal would further slash spending from an already struggling state health care system. Louisiana’s hospitals say they need a $142 million increase in funding to be able to serve the population — especially the poor and uninsured who turn to emergency rooms for primary health care. Instead, Jindal’s budget cuts funding for the Department of Health and Hospitals by nearly $15 million.
Wow! Sounds...erm...terrific. As long as you never need health-care. And Walker?
Wisconsin Gov. Scott Walker (R) unveiled his health care plan on Tuesday, promising to do on day one of his presidency what members of his own party have been unable to do for five years: repeal and replace the Affordable Care Act. Yet the Republican presidential candidate drew fire from one of his rivals, Louisiana Gov. Bobby Jindal (R), for not offering a sufficiently conservative alternative.
Sorry, Jen. It appears that Walker might have, purely by accident, allowed a minuscule hint of humanity to taint his health-care plan. And that, Jen, is heresy. What were you thinking?
But on to reason 4:
Fourth, serious voices in the GOP are waking up and demanding serious candidates.
Serious voices? Who would that be? Oh...OK...these guys:
The Club for Growth, to its credit, is now calling out Trump for his incoherent and inconsistent economic views.
Well, that's Trump sunk. Because the goobers and mouth-breathers who flock to Trump basically live and die by what The Club for Growth tells them. Because the goobers are big Leo Strauss fans.
Seriously, Jen? The Club for Growth? It's The Attack of The 3lb Gerbils.
Other principled conservatives are likely to join in...
Oh, sure...people like Ted Cruz, you mean? Oh, wait...
But take heart, GOP schmucks and putzs; every cloud has a silver lining, right?
Put simply, there is a lot to be glum about. Nevertheless, conservatives disturbed by the state of the world, the country and the GOP should get out of their fetal position. Put current events in perspective, look through the media distortion and alarmism, look at what serious candidates are offering and keep an eye on grown-up voices pushing back against charlatans. There may be a time to panic, just not now.
Or maybe not. Yeah...go ahead and panic. Now. And keep panicking. Because you idiots are sunk.
