Bush adds signing statement to US Constitution

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Saturday May 06, 2006 · 5:00 PM PDT

2006/05/06 · 17:00

It was revealed today that President George W. Bush offered a statement which is meant to be attached as an addendum to the United States Constitution. It reads as follows:

I, George W. Bush, President of the United States, do hereby declare that, from this point on, the Constitution of the United States shall be solely interpreted by the Unitary Executive (me) and that I shall enforce those elements and amendments as I see fit in my role as Commander-in-Chief. There will be no appeal. As Commander-in-Chief my decisions are final and cannot be reversed or overruled by either the judicial or legislative branches of government.

Paris Hilton named new anchor of NBC Nightly News

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Friday May 05, 2006 · 4:59 PM PDT

2006/05/05 · 16:59

In a transparent attempt to compete with the naming of Katie Couric as the new CBS Evening News anchor, NBC today announced that they were replacing Brian Williams with Paris Hilton. Excited NBC executives said that they believe "Paris has the gravitas and experience necessary to read phonetically spelled words off of a teleprompter." They also believe that this will help to encourage more viewers in the desired younger demographic. General Electric, the parent company of NBC, was said to be pleased with the decision and will look forward to many more stories on fashion, partying and sex while issues such as war, torture, corruption and the military industrial complex will be rightfully left to the fringe media commonly known as the blogs.

AP: Cheney's diseased heart removed

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Wednesday May 03, 2006 · 10:19 PM PDT

2006/05/03 · 22:19

Assimilated Press: Washington, D.C. - Today, doctors at Georgetown University Hospital removed Vice President Dick Cheney's heart. The operation went smoothly and later in the day Cheney was released from the hospital when it was established that the absence of a heart had no effect on his condition. Said Cheney, "I feel great! If I had known that I didn't need the old ticker I would have gotten rid of it long ago." Doctors were amazed that the removal of Cheney's heart produced no noticeable change in his behavior and called it unique in medical history.

Will Bush bring Armageddon

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Tuesday May 02, 2006 · 10:16 PM PDT

2006/05/02 · 22:16

The American public is slowly catching up to the rest of the world in seeing that George W. Bush is a petulant, lying, arrogant, megalomanic who is irreparably harming this country and the world. This is happening in spite of a corporate media that is complicit in his criminal behavior and a Republican Party that is more interested in power than in preserving the Constitution of the United States. It is also happening in the absence of an opposition party. Unfortunately, the Democratic Party has been awol for the last 6 years and for this deserves our scorn. (more below the fold) Read More

Liars!!!!

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Sunday April 30, 2006 · 10:17 PM PDT

2006/04/30 · 22:17

Bush is a liar and cannot be trusted! The Republican Party is corrupt to the core and cannot be trusted.

These two simple and truthful (not truthiness) messages should be repeated over and over again by every Democrat running for office. Repetition, as the Republicans know, is the name of the game. Plus, these two messages have the advantage of not only being factual but of also having strategic value both offensively and defensively.

Offensively, this forces both Bush and the Republican Party to defend themselves and their disastrous policies (Iraq, the deficit, New Orleans, etc., etc.,). Plus, there is more than adequate information already in the public domain which shows the numerous instances of both lying and the institutional corruption of the Republican Party. This needs to be repeated, repeated and repeated. (More below the fold) Read More

Plan to remove Bush from office

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Saturday April 29, 2006 · 12:26 AM PDT

2006/04/29 · 00:26

America has already suffered permanent damage at the hands of Bush and his cronies. So, the thought of what further harm this regime could do in its last 1000 days is rather alarming. What is to be done? Clearly, a Republican congress that is part of the problem will not help. Also, Bush's arrogant, megalomaniacal, immature nature must be taken into account for any solution. Fortunately, there is a perfect way to end the Bush regime and escape from this madness. (More below the fold) Read More

Break up the media cartel

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Tuesday April 25, 2006 · 11:00 PM PDT

2006/04/25 · 23:00

The media cartel is more insidious and more dangerous than the cocaine cartel and OPEC combined. The media cartel has successfully lobotomized a majority of Americans and filled their vacuous cranial cavities with a mix of Republican propaganda and consumerism that is driving the country to the brink of ruin. Something must be done. (more below the fold) Read More

AP: Bush switches to Democratic Party

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Sunday April 23, 2006 · 10:09 PM PDT

2006/04/23 · 22:09

Assimilated Press: Washington, D.C. - In a brilliant political move, Karl Rove has convinced President George W. Bush and Vice President Dick Cheney to leave the Republican Party and become Democrats. According to Rove, all of the failed policies of the Bush administration can now be blamed on the Democrats.

Regarding the debacle in Iraq, Rove said, "It was authorized by a Democratic president and vice president so the blame belongs to the Democratic party." Rove continued with a long list of items such as ballooning deficits, condoning of torture, environmental poisoning, all of which he blamed on the Democratic Party. Rove said the game plan for the congressional elections of 2006 is now to run again the Democrats who lied America into an unjust and illegal war in Iraq while supporting ruinous financial policies and creating a culture of corruption. Rove expects to gain Republican seats in both the house and senate with this new turn of events. Rove was also mum about whether Bush and Cheney would switch back to the Republic Party after the 2006 elections.

How far will Bush go to save himself?

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Friday April 21, 2006 · 11:33 PM PDT

2006/04/21 · 23:33

That is the question. Judging from his actions of the last 6 years indications are that he will go as far as he thinks he needs to. Does that mean war with Iran? Does it mean the use of tactical nuclear weapons? Does it mean the declaration of martial law? Or will action be more subtle? Will he (he meaning Bush and the people behind Bush) use the NSA and other government agencies to corrupt or change the vote counts in the next election? (more below the fold) Read More

Do you trust Bush to...(nightly poll)

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Wednesday April 19, 2006 · 10:30 PM PDT

2006/04/19 · 22:30

I must admit I was having some difficulty with this poll. The trouble was placing the words Bush and trust within the same sentence. It was a difficult task but I think I have succeeded.

Please participate in the poll below and feel free to add more answers to poll questions in the comments section.

Participation in this poll makes you eligible for a trip to Guantanamo, all expenses paid by the Republican Party.

Decider-in-Chief

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Tuesday April 18, 2006 · 9:48 PM PDT

2006/04/18 · 21:48

Assimilated Press: Washington, D.C. - George W. Bush, basking in his newly proclaimed position as Decider-in-Chief, made his first important decision today without any instructions from either Cheney the Dick and Don of Rumsfeld.

Surprising everyone present, he firmly came down on the side of HAVING anchovies and pepperoni on the pizza the three men were ordering. This was highly unusual as both Cheney and Rumsfeld generally prefer pizza without anchovies. This was taken as a sign that George W. Bush really is in charge. Scott McClellan later said, "Yes, he made the decision on his own. He really is charge." Bush himself declared to reporters, "I'm a decider, dammit! And I decided on anchovies." After dinner, Bush put on his pajamas and went to sleep as Cheney and Rumsfeld went into the situation room to discuss how best to divide Iran between Haliburton and Exxon.

Played for fools

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Monday April 17, 2006 · 10:38 PM PDT

2006/04/17 · 22:38

When, if ever, do you suppose the many viewers and listeners of Fox, MSNBC and Limbaugh will wake up and realize that they have been played for fools? Are these the people who can be "fooled all of the time" or will they awake from their drooling stupor and see that Murdoch, Hanity, O'Reilly, Limbaugh and Scarborough have all been laughing AT them? Is there one iota of cognitive reasoning present in these people or will they continue to shuffle along with blank stares on their faces while muttering about the horrors of gay marriage and missing white women? Who are these people anyway? Can they eat with forks and knives? Have they ever read a book? They seem to be sponges whose only purpose is to absorb darkness. It is frightening to think that they live amongst us. Even more terrifying, sometimes they are our relatives and neighbors.

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