White House analysts have concluded three more Class Four hurricanes in the United States can mean the difference between our military's staying in Iraq for twelve more years versus getting out in four to six months. The internal report released today stated, "At the current rate of deployment of U.S. troops in hurricane-affected regions, the United States could justify a significant draw down of its military presence in Iraq if 2.73 Class Three hurricanes hit the United States this 2005 hurricane season." The report went on to note other natural disasters could be substituted for the hurricanes, assuming large enough cities are affected. For example, a major earthquake in San Francisco could substitute for 1.8 Class Three hurricanes.
President Bush initially announced the new plan, termed the theory of Intelligent Deployment, during his weekly radio address: "This way mere humans with their faults and failings aren't the ones making the ultimate decisions. It's truly God's will being done. We as sinful humans can't possibly know what's right, so we will now leave it up to a Higher Power. Iraq, stay or go? It's His call."
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