The women in my family have always been strong independent creatures.
I remember my grandmother. She was born in 1900- a ‘turn of the century’ baby. I knew her as a feisty funny fascinating woman, full of stories from the ‘olden days’. Her words of wisdom stay with me always, especially now as I approach the age she was when she said these words to me. My brother and I had embraced the hippie movement of the ‘60’s, and it showed in our attitude, dress and philosophies. We were at her house for a family gathering and some family members were questioning my brother’s long hair. My ‘Nanny’ put in her two cents.
“You kids today think you cornered the market on a sexual revolution. You think you’re gonna change society by behaving outside the norms. Well let me tell you something. You’ve got nothing. I went from ankles never being shown in polite society to flimsy dresses up to our thighs. Four layers of undergarments to none at all. Cut hair, which was sacrilegious. Sex before marriage. Yes, that’s right. We did those things and a lot more.”
I remember staring at this frail white haired lady, trying to picture her as a wild flapper from the ‘20’s. But she was. And she credited one thing that freed women to express themselves. Modern technology.
Back then, it was simple inventions. The washing machine, vacuum cleaner, indoor plumbing, so many that we take for granted today freed women from household chores that occupied every waking moment. And the car. Nanny and Grandpa were great fans of Indy 500 racing, and she explained how watching the automobile grow from the model T to Formula 500 racing today was man’s greatest achievement.
During Prohibition, they ran a Speakeasy with their own ‘bathtub gin’. My grandmother worked as a bookkeeper all her life- with no formal training, just a love and aptitude for numbers. She was the family matriarch.
My mother was one of the original feminists, although she hated the term. She thought that put her outside the norm, when all she wanted was for her life to be normal. She was surprised and shocked when, the Friday before her wedding, her employer threw her a ‘good-bye’ party. She couldn’t understand why, just because she was getting married, she had to lose her job. But that’s the way it was.
Widowed when I was seven years old, my mother worked to raise seven kids. That was all I knew. During a time when television showed happy homemakers hanging around in aprons, my mom was never domesticated. Occasionally I would wonder what life would have been like with that so called ‘nuclear family’. But my childhood was filled with culture, education and exploration. Since we had to fend for ourselves early on, all my siblings grew up independent and courageous.
I myself became a single parent when my husband didn’t want to grow up. I followed a family tradition because I really knew no other way. My children ate dinner in the back seat of the car as we drove to all the after school activities. They knew me as an active parent, always there for whatever they needed, yet they also saw how active I was in the community that helped raise them. I remember the day I realized I was doing it right. The words of wisdom came from my daughter.
She had just returned from a day with her paternal grandmother.
“You know, Mom. I have no respect for Nana. She doesn’t drive, she never had a job. All she does is cook ,clean and take care of her home.”
My daughter was in her early teens when she said these words to me. I tried to explain to her how Nana was a product of her generation, how that’s all women did, but I knew my words had no effect. She only knew her world- where women worked, followed their dreams, went out into the world to make it a better place.
And now I look at my granddaughters. My nieces. My cousins. Strong women who are making their place in this world. Because it’s understood there is no other way. Marry- yes, but not because you need a man, but because you want a man to share your life. A life you make for yourself, not to please anyone else.
Happy International Women’s Day.
