I just saw F/911. Before you wonder why I'm just now getting around to seeing it, I should tell you that I live in Tokyo and it hasn't been out here nearly as long as it has in the US. Anyway, I truly don't have the words to describe the profound effect that the film had on me. I've been reading about it for months now, so I figured that I wouldn't be hearing or seeing anything I haven't heard or seen before. I already knew that I was voting for Kerry and I certainly knew that nothing was going to change my mind on that front, so more information about why Bush is a lying piece of shit was superfluous in the extreme - or so I thought.
Those of you who have seen it know that Moore has raised numerous questions - as he always does - and has done so in a very provocative manner. I think his ability to raise questions and bring issues that have been forgotten or actively ignored to the attention of millions of people is his greatest strength. I usually find his answers to the questions somewhat or completely lacking, but he never fails to stoke the flames of my idealism and outrage. For me, the truly earth shattering scenes were the ones which showed in graphic and emotionally draining detail the horrible impact that America has on the innocent people caught in our foreign policy crossfire. I know it's nothing new, but F/911 gave the gruesome anecdotes of civilian casualties a vivid detail that defies description.
Ever since, I've been wrestling with ethical and ideological questions that hit at the core of my belief system and, by extension, my sense of self. I won't detail them here simply because they are far too complex to hash out in the confines of a single diary, but suffice it to say that I have been shaken to the core. I've based the majority of my plans for my life around the notion that there is justice in this world, and it is my purpose in life to help seek it out for people who have been denied it. It may sound corny, but I'm speaking with the utmost sincerity. The point is my plans revolve around this ideal, and until the Bush Administration, I never thought it would be possible to smother my passionate belief in justice or my drive to seek it out. They nearly succeeded in doing just that. Outrage became a feeling of helplessness. The feeling of helplessness became hopelessness. Hopelessness led to cynicism and detachment, which left me feeling lost.
Then something occurred to me. Maybe it was just an instinctual reaction geared toward self-preservation, but I suddenly realized that this is EXACTLY what those cynical, manipulative assholes want. They want me to lose hope and give up in the face of overwhelming injustice. They want me to go quietly away - beaten and full of despair.
I won't do it. I won't give them the satisfaction. They may win battles - even a lot of battles - in the broader war for the preservation of the real American way of life, but they won't win the goddamn war. They might be trying to create some Orwellian police state, but I'll let the rat gnaw off my face before I swear allegiance to it. Someone on this site once wrote in a diary that America has only ever had its ideals. I think this is true. More true than I knew. So to those cynics gathered in New York who are busily setting about the task of destroying the ideals that are America, I say this:
My eyes are open and no amount of lying is going to close them.
My ideals are intact and MY EYES ARE OPEN!!
