With all of the blogosphere up in arms about the whether or not we should have a national language, I haven't heard anyone voice any concern over whether we should adopt a language that is
named after another country.
Sure, it seems innocuous now, but what if Great Britain decides not to back us in our next war? All of a sudden, we'd have 300,000,000 Amurkins speaking the enemy tongue!
It just won't do. We've got to have a national language, all right, but it's got to be Freedomese®.
Speaking a language named after those limeys over on a rainy island in the North Atlantic is just plain crazy. I know they're our allies now, but we've fought more wars against them than against any other country on earth. They're the only nation that
didn't want us to exist in the first place--remember the Revolution, people? I know we've been getting along pretty well for the last hundred years, but that could turn at any moment. Just think about where that would leave us.
I mean, remember when we all trusted the French? And then, in 2002, they up and decided that we couldn't ram our opinions down their throats. Where did that leave us? We had to rename our toast, our fries, and pour out bottles of our finest imported wine!
As Ivan Carter pointed out in his comments to this front pager, we're already at risk: we've named our muffins after them. One false move by 10 Downing Street, and Thomas' is screwed.
The answer is clear: we need a new national language. A language that is ours. A language that no one else owns. And, most importantly, a language that our president can speak properly:
Freedomese®
Now, don't get me wrong, I don't expect people to learn a new language. I mean, most Americans can't master the one language we have, let alone learn another one. No, Freedomese® is just the language we're speaking today. It's like English, but a bit more Amurkin. You know, in English they say "lorry" and in Freedomese® we say "truck." In English they say "lift" and in Freedomese® we say "elevator." In English they say "Prime Minister" and in Freedomese® we say "President."
We can make countless improvements. We can change the spelling of "nukular" so it looks like Bush pronounces it! We can add apostrophe's to all the word's, because that's what American's like to do! It's Freedomese®!
It's our own language! We can get rid of all of England's kooky grammar rules and change the spelling to Freedom-ease®. Heck, this is America: we can spell it Freedomeze®!
Write your senator's! Call your congresspeeps! Freedom is on the march--and it's speaking Freedomese®.