On my way to work this morning, I heard an interview on NPR in which a man in New Hampshire claimed that he supported John McCain because
John McCain was a POW, so he'll be better on foreign policy than Obama.
I'm not exactly sure how one follows the other, to be honest. There are a lot of things about McCain that I will criticize, but his service in Vietnam as well as the decisions he made and the treatment he endured while in captivity are not among them. That said, what the fuck is it about being held captive in a cage and tortured that gives you foreign policy cred?
It's not the first time I've heard it, either. There are quite a few morons who seem to think that John McCain's torture in Vietnam makes him uniquely qualified for the presidency.
But rather than trying to understand this phenomenon, I have decided to just go with it, and to mix it with another favorite activity here at Dailykos: Picking Barack Obama's cabinet for him.
Secretary of State
Sen. Joseph Biden, because he understands states and has lived in one for many years.
Secretary of the Treasury
Warren Buffet, because he is familiar with money and has a lot of experience signing his name. The Secretary of the Treasury is the guy who has to sign all of the dollar bills, so this is an important trait.
Secretary of Defense
New England Patriots head coach Bill Belichick because he really understands the value of defense.
Attorney General
John Edwards, since he is an attorney and should be promoted to the rank of General.
Secretary of the Interior
Ken Salazar, who has been to National Parks and likes them. It is also no small matter that his home state of Colorado is in the interior of the United States.
Secretary of Agriculture
Dan Thackaberry, a farmer from Oregon, because he is a farmer.
Secretary of Commerce
My wife, Mrs. Karateexplosions, is uniquely suited to this position. She has purchased things and also has sold things, which is the dictionary definition of commerce.
Secretary of Labor
Former Minnesota Senator Mark Dayton, a member of the Democratic-Farmer-Labor party, has the word "Labor" built right into his party identification.
Secretary of Health and Human Services
Second Lady in Exile Elizabeth Edwards, who has a long record of being in favor of "health", and who is also a "human".
Secretary of Housing and Urban Development
California Represenative Lucille Roybal-Allard. Her vast qualifications include having lived in a house.
Secretary of Transportation
Representative Patrick Kennedy, whose unique experience of driving his car into a barricade in 2006 will prepare him for dealing with the finer intricacies of the nations transportation system.
Secretary of Energy
Representative John Dingell once rubbed a balloon on the fur of an unsuspecting kitty, causing it to stick to a wall. This invaluable experience with energy would serve him well in Obama's cabinet.
Secretary of Education
My friend Nick attended school for many years, repeating both the fourth grade and the tenth grade, then also attended alternative and night classes to get his GED. As such, he has an unparalleled understanding of Education.
Secretary of Veterans Affairs
Florida Representative Corrine Brown is a Veteran of the House Veterans Affairs Committee and she knows some veterans. This is called a "trifecta".
Secretary of Homeland Security
DC Representative Non Grata Eleanor Holmes Norton, "represents" the District of Columbia in the House of Representatives. While her role in the House is mainly to grit her teeth while much dumber people make all the decisions that affect her constituents, her district houses the highest concentration of high-profile terrorist targets in the country, and thus she is the only logical choice for this cabinet position.
Now, many of you may look at this list and think, "Who the fuck does Karateexplosions think he is, anyway? Why does HE get to pick Barack Obama's cabinet?"
Well, would you still be saying that if you knew that less than two weeks ago, I went to Burger King and received a game piece for some Indiana Jones game? And you had to pick ONLY ONE of two potential scratch-off areas. One would have a prize, and the other would not. Well, my fellow Kossacks, let me tell you that I made a decision. A gut decision. And I scratched off the left side. And I won a cheeseburger. Oh yes. My instincts are true, and my decisions are sound.