as the Republican nominee for President. Indeed, I'm actually thinking of contributing some money to him. I know it's a pipe dream and that Romney is going to win, but I break out in smiles at the thought of a Cain campaign.
You see, for all the talk of choice, and his singing, and his dearth of foreign policy knowledge, and most of all, "9-9-9," there is one little thing about Cain that will send Democrats, Independents, and at least half of the Republicans out there, no matter how die-hard they are, running away screaming.
Do you want to know what it is? Do you want to know the SCREAMINGLY OBVIOUS thing nobody is talking about that will end his campaign with a sentence or less?
You'll have to take the jump.
A thirty percent sales tax.
Yup, a thirty percent sales tax.
"Hey wait a minute," you say, "I thought he was only proposing a 9% sales tax."
I know you thought that. Everybody thought that. They were wrong.
You see, "9-9-9" is only Phase II of a three phase plan.
Phase I - Lower the maximum personal and corporate tax rate to 25%. No, there isn't anything there to make up the revenue other than the Trickle-Down Fairy. We've been waiting for her since 1981, so she should be here any day now, right? But that's just temporary.
Phase II - "9-9-9." As you know, that's a 9% personal income tax, a 9% corporate income tax, and a 9% sales tax. According to Cain, through his own "dynamic scoring" (see "Trickle-Down Fairy," supra), this will be revenue-neutral. It's all he's talking about because it's obviously a successful sound bite.
Curiously, though, "9-9-9" isn't Cain's actual plan. No, "9-9-9" is just there to "educat(e) the American people on the benefits of continuing the next step to the Fair Tax." Yup, "9-9-9" isn't his plan at all. That' just warming us up for the idea. It's Cain's version of "The cat's on the roof and we can't get it down."
A man has a cat that he loves. The man has to go out of the country for a month so he asks his brother to watch the cat. Once the man gets overseas, he calls everyday to check on his cat. On the 5th day the man calls his brother. "How's my little kitty doing?" The slacker brother says "Your cat's dead". The man says, "What? I can't believe that you are such a loser that you couldn't even handle watching my cat. And you just blurted it out like it was nothing!" The slacker asks "Well, what was I supposed to do?" The man said " You could have at least softened the blow a little. A couple of days ago, you could have said that the cat was on the roof and you couldn't get her down. Then yesterday you could have told me that she had fallen off the roof and that she might not make it. And today you could have said that she had passed away." The slacker brother said "Yeah,well I'm sorry." The man asks "How's mom doing?" The brother says, "Uh, she's up on the roof and we can't get her down!"
So what's Phase III?
Phase III - A national sales tax of 30%. No income tax. No capital gains tax. No corporate income tax. No tax deductions, not even for charity or your mortgage. Nope, just a flat 30% national sales tax.
If you live in Chicago, every single new thing you buy will have 39+% tacked on. Seriously. Alaska, Delaware, Montana, Oregon and New Hampshire will have sales tax where they never did before. In Alabama, Arizona, and Illinois, sales tax could top 40% on every purchase, including allowable local surtaxes.
As for new versus used, Cain's plan only taxes new goods. In other words, if you have a choice between buying a new car and buying one with just a year on it, you will now pay an additional 40% premium on the new, in addition to the existing price differential. Isn't that a great way to support the American manufacturing industry, add a MASSIVE tax penalty for buying new products?
Cain doesn't have a "9-9-9" plan. He has a "30%" plan. He's just not talking about it.
Once somebody does start talking about it, he's toast.
I'd just prefer my toast during the general election.
Wouldn't you?