C&J Annual Fundraiser: Day 4
Sorry to pull out the big persuasion gun, but this morning I feel it's necessary to play the country song card in the hopes that it'll help keep this column and my meager passbook savings account afloat for period of time. So here goes. I hope this works: "I'm beggin' ya darlin’, please."
Kos set up PayPal accounts two generations ago for both one-time donations and recurring monthly donations. The monthly subscriptions are hugely helpful for minimizing the total needed during our annual C&J pledge week:
One time contribution: click here.
$5 monthly contribution: click here
$10 monthly contribution: click here
$20 monthly contribution: click here
-
To send a donation via snail mail:
Bill Harnsberger, 16 Pitt Street, Portland, ME, 04103.
If you're already a C&J monthly subscriber through PayPal:
You don’t have to do anything but make sure your card is still active
and then feel good about your excellent investment.
A few brief points as we near the end of our 2024 plea for cash and jewels and/or fine artwork:
✌ I assure you I am not artificial intelligence. Or any other kind, for that matter.
✌ An anonymous donor has agreed to 4,000X IMPACT for the NEXT FIVE MINUTES and you could win LUNCH WITH ME AND/OR THE POPE!
✌ If you print this page out and send it to me, I’ll autograph it and certify it as a 100% non-fungible token suitable for framing and/or confusing the hell out of your heirs when they stumble on it in your attic between your leg lamp and VHS Buns of Steel collection.
Thanks again for supporting America’s longest-running kiddie pool-based blog post. We now return you to your regularly-scheduled stuff you were doing before reading this.
Cheers and Jeers for Thursday, April 18, 2024
Note: Today is International Jugglers Day. Not sure how we’re celebrating yet. Our plans are still up in the air.
-
By the Numbers:
Days 'til Offend Mexico With Offensive Mexican Stereotypes Day: 17
Days 'til the 57th Vermont Maple Festival in St. Albans: 8
Expected rate of U.S. economic growth this year, revised up by 0.6% according to the International Monetary Fund: 2.7%
Expected growth for the European Union and China, respectively: 0.8%, 4.6%
Rank of the last 365 days among the wettest year-long periods in Maine's history, according to our local TV meteorologist: #1
Tax paid to the IRS by the Bidens this year on their $620,000 income: $146,629
Length of the route through Greece the just-lit 2024 Olympic torch will follow before being handed off to Paris organizers: 3,100 miles
-
Your Thursday Molly Ivins Moment:
Seeing yet another story in the newspaper about global warming doesn’t make much of an impression unless, of course, some storm has just knocked out your electricity for three days and your acquaintance with the greenhouse effect is now measured in buckets of sweat. […]
This summer, five hundred people died from a heat wave in Chicago, and Russian scientists report venomous snakes appearing for the first time in the far north. A team of British scientists predicts that 1995 will be the warmest year in human history. Bill McKibben, author of Hope, Human and Wild (out next month), wrote in the Los Angeles Times that the most curious part of this phenomenon is not that it’s taking place—global warming is right where it’s supposed to be, according to all the predictions by all the scientists who have studied it—but that no one is paying attention.
As they say at Alcoholics Anonymous, denial is not just a river in Egypt.
—September 1995
-
Puppy Pic of the Day: A.M. grooming…
-
CHEERS to the scrapper from Scranton. Who says you can't go home again? Not President Joe Biden, who kicked off a three-day swing through swingiest swing state Pennsylvania this week to kiss hands, shake babies, and remind everyone that his upbringing was vastly different from his 2024 opponent. Nifty campaign video:
-
While Joe was out promoting blue-collar values and discussing kitchen-table issues, his opponent was in a courtroom preparing to be humiliated by a porn star and a Playboy model he tried to muzzle as part of a 2016 election-interference scheme. In other words: gold-toilet values and self-preservation issues.
JEERS to the big time waste. Americans want better health care, higher wages, equal rights, and somebody to fill the $!#@!!& potholes. Rolling up their sleeves, the Republican-controlled House of Representatives steps up to the plate and says, "No, you stupid idiots, this is what you really want":
The House sent two articles of impeachment against Homeland Security Secretary Alejandro Mayorkas to the Senate on Tuesday, forcing a trial on allegations that he has “willfully and systematically” refused to enforce immigration laws. […]
After delivering the articles, the Republican prosecutors appointed by House Speaker Mike Johnson stood in the well of the Senate. The Senate sergeant-at-arms, the chamber’s top security official, called the session to order with a “hear ye! hear ye!” and a notice that “all persons are commanded to keep silence, on pain of imprisonment.”
Among the charges Mayorkas faced in the Senate before the case was dismissed yesterday: no one really knows. The lipstick the Freedom Caucus wrote them with got smudged on their cocktail napkin as they were trying to wipe the spilled gin off. And you people think governing is easy.
CHEERS to Saddle Sores for Freedom. On this date in 1775, Paul Revere, William Dawes and Samuel Prescott hopped on their hoverboards and trundled from Boston to Concord, Mass., warning the citizens of the approaching British army (Prescott was the only one with enough juice to make it all the way). Their focus group-tested talking point: "The British Are Coming." Tomorrow: The thrilling conclusion.
-
BRIEF SANITY BREAK
-
-
END BRIEF SANITY BREAK
-
CHEERS to Evolution Man. Charles Darwin started out as a single wriggly cell in 1808, evolved into a fully-grown human being, and died during this week in 1882. His legacy is always worth revisiting:
Influenced by the ideas of Malthus, he proposed a theory of evolution occurring by the process of natural selection.
The animals (or plants) best suited to their environment are more likely to survive and reproduce, passing on the characteristics which helped them survive to their offspring. Gradually, the species changes overtime.
[T]he logical extension of Darwin‘s theory was that homosapiens was simply another form of animal. It made it seem possible that even people might just have evolved—quite possibly from apes—and destroyed the prevailing orthodoxy on how the world was created. Darwin was vehemently attacked, particularly by the Church. However, his ideas soon gained currency and have become the new orthodoxy.
Of course, there are some organisms that demonstrate evolution can work in reverse. Like dust mites. And Republican governors.
CHEERS to pennies from Heaven. As much as we appreciate your donations during our annual C&J fundraiser to help cover our day-to-day expenses, we're also aware that we have to put some money aside in a reliable fund that will grow and grow until we decide to retire. And since Donald Trump is without question the greatest businessman and investment guru the country has ever seen, we just plowed all of our money into his new "DJT" media venture stock. It can't fail, I tell you. It's a lock—a guaranteed return of at least 590 percent, I'm told by fund manager Devin Nunes. And to all the naysayers out there who think I'm investing recklessly, all I can say is I'll believe you when Dubai floods…
Dubai was hit with severe flooding on Tuesday after two years' worth of rain fell in just 24 hours, records show.
Over a half foot—6.26 inches—of rain was recorded in the United Arab Emirates city between 10 p.m. local time Monday and 10 p.m. local time Tuesday, according to the Dubai Meteorological Office. … On average, Dubai typically receives just 0.13 inches of rain during the month of April.
Oh dear. Anyone have any cat food coupons you can spare?
-
Ten years ago in C&J: April 18, 2014
CHEERS to witnessing the march of progress. Sorry I didn't tip you off about this yesterday (anyone know how to turn back time besides Cher? She's not answering my calls), but Google was offering up its Google Glasses thingy to anyone who wanted one for $1,500. Not sure how many people took the company up on its offer (probably a lot). Also in the news: today for $1,500 an ophthalmologist will remove your Google Glass from your eye socket after you walk into a lamp post.
-
And just one more…
CHEERS to the sounds of our lives. The Library of Congress has added another 25 audio gems to its National Recording Registry, a list of audio bon mots that ranges from Lt. James Reese Europe’s 369th U.S. Infantry Band playing Clarinet Marmalade in 1919 to ABBA’s Dancing Queen…from Gene Autrey’s Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer to Blondie’s Heart of Glass.
The 2024 class of inductees also includes The Cars’ debut album, Perry Como’s “Catch a Falling Star” / “Magic Moments,” Juan Gabriel’s heartbreaking “Amor Eterno,” Héctor Lavoe’s salsa hit “El Cantante,” Kronos Quartet’s “Pieces of Africa,” Johnny Mathis’ “Chances Are,” Bobby McFerrin’s “Don’t Worry, Be Happy,” Patti Page’s “Tennessee Waltz,” and Bill Withers’ “Ain’t No Sunshine.”
“The Library of Congress is proud to preserve the sounds of American history and our diverse culture through the National Recording Registry,” Hayden said. “We have selected audio treasures worthy of preservation with our partners this year, including a wide range of music from the past 100 years, as well as comedy. We were thrilled to receive a record number of public nominations, and we welcome the public’s input on what we should preserve next.”
The recordings selected for the National Recording Registry bring the number of titles on the registry to 650, representing a small portion of the national library’s vast recorded sound collection of nearly 4 million items.
You can see all the entries going back to the Registry's beginning in 2002 here. Failing to make the list for the 22nd year in a row: "Bill in Portland Maine Belches the Alphabet." I have one word for this election system: Rigged.
Have a nice Thursday. Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?
-
Today's Shameless C&J Testimonial
“I don’t think Bill in Portland Maine should walk around to the afterparties and carry his kiddie pool. I don’t think you should flaunt it.”
—Robert Downey, Jr.
-