A Voice From New York
(published on Craigslist.com, other websites, and a few local NYblog/papers)
You people who voted for Bush. Who are you? Why did you do this to us? The man who did nothing to prevent 9/11, failed to react when the attacks occurred, and failed to find the two maniacs who orchestrated the attacks... has been re-elected!!??
Three years ago, everyone in the world cried over New York. You homophobes from Nebraska came and laid wreaths here. But you couldn't give an inch when we needed your help to get rid of this psycho-president. So here we are, in New York, scared of further attacks while this crackpot wages his crusades and scared of you anencephalic Neanderthals who stood up for his failures.
More below ...
To the east of us are Islamo-fascist extremists who will stop at nothing to destroy the symbols of Western capitalism. (Yes, those symbols would be the Empire State Building, the Broadway shows, and the Stock Market that you smelly, drooling, cow-eyed tourists come and stare at.)
And to the west of us are hoards of Pentecostal fundamentalist Christians who are waiting with sweaty palms and bated breath for the wrath of God (in the shape of some hairy Mujhadeen) to come and burn this Gomorrah to the ground.
I don't know you. I don't have your myopic values, your religious fervor, your sanctified hate. And apparently, I don't have as many friends as you do, lemmings.
So as this country slides into the stinking shitpuddle of Conservative Fascism, let me make one request: Don't stay in touch.
Don't visit New York and enjoy its food, sites and entertainment. And while you're at it, stay out of California, too. Don't see movies made in Hollywood or watch TV shows made there, (but then since you voted for Bush you probably haven't watched any news lately anyway, unless it's those lying sacks of shit on Fox).
Don't listen to any CDs unless they're made in Nashville. Better stay out of DC, too. No more vacations to Hawaii. Stay in South Dakota, Ohio, and Alabama. Don't look to the two coasts for entertainment and excitement, then wipe your ass with us when we really need your support. Stay at the mall. Play with yourselves in your SUVs.
Molest your suburban baby-sitters. But don't come 'round here no more. We don't know you, you're not our friends. You want values? Stick w/Britney and her 60-second marriages. I'll take an honest fag any day.
It's hard being a New Yorker these days. It's hard being brutally attacked by a terrorist fanatic. It's hard being used as a backdrop for mindless nationalist posturing. It's hard getting shit on by inbreeds from Utah every election. It's hard being a New Yorker. But I'd much rather be a proud, sad, New Yorker than a mindless, pious fuckwit from Jacksonville, Florida, with a cross on the wall and six porn videos tucked under the sofa.
So fuck you, red America. Stay out there, in the darkness with your satellite cable and your 10-acre supermarkets. Drive around your suburbs in your retarded Hummers. Pretend you have somewhere worthwhile to go. Because without New York and California and all us interesting blue-state people, your world is a boring, lonely place, and you deserve it.
We're different -- we don't suck. We may never win another election, but all that proves is that "majority rule" is a woefully imperfect way to chose a leader. Next time you want to come and have fun on the coasts, visit Tarrant County Texas instead, assholes.
love and kisses,
Christine