And I am workign hard at hardly working for this country. In the last four fears, we have restored chaos to the Middle East, put the budget back into bankruptcy and made it so that more Americans than ever are looking for work. We have made sure that no child is left behind by holding them all back, we have passed drug company benefits, so that no CEO will have to retire into mere affluence, and we have done this by making everybody's life a little bit bitter.
Now I know that may seem like a tremendous record of accomplicement - and we have had great accomplices in Congress - but there is more to be done. Now that I am running for election, I promise to, every day, ask "What would John Kerry do" and then make failure an option. Americans want freedom and mediocracy, and we are making sure that mediocrity is taking root in Iraq too.
We have to make America safer, but making sure that all the wealth is in big safes. We have to make America more secure by taking away social security, and having Americans pay for private security. We have to ensure that no SUV goes to bed hungry at night.
But to do this we need to have a Free Market. The Market is just too expensive for even rich people to buy anymore, the cost of starting a monopoly has to come down, so that we can have more rich people from Microsoft stock.
To do this we need to get rid of all the red tape that prevents people from marketting rat poison as an effective headache medicine. People should take responsiblity for their own health care, and accept the consequences, rather than having government do it for them.
My opponent says he wants to win in Iraq, which would put millions of ex-military people out of work who are currently making 6 figures in Iraq. It would put thousands of defense jobs here in America at risk. What's good for General War is good for the country.
My opponent says that he wants better schools. Do you want your kid to be smarter than you?
My opponent says he wants fairer taxation. Do you want to pay your fair share? Or wouldn't you rather stick it to your kids, after all, you are paying alot to raise them.
My opponent insisted on going to Vietnam and risking his life. Doesn't that send a mixed message? That someone who risked his life should be commander in chief as we fight the wrong war at the wrong place at the wrong time. Wouldn't he insist that our children risk their lives, as opposed to just losing them?
Because of all of the important hard shirk we have to do, just like I was vigorous in avoiding my duty back during Vietnam, I need you to vote for me on Election day, especially if you happen to be a technician for a touch screen voting machine company.
I'm George Bush, and I purloined, I mean purused, I mean I approved this mess... , damn it don't tell me what to say if you know what's good for you.