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From the GREAT STATE OF MAINE...
TODAY WE ARE ALL BOSTONIANS
Cheers and Jeers starts in the Extended Copy section... [Crack!!] RIGHTNOW! ["It's GONE! Graaand Slaaam!"]
Cheers and Jeers for Thursday, October 21, 2004
By the Numbers:
Days 'til General Election: 12
Expected jump in health care premiums in 2005: 15%
(Source: Chicago Tribune)
Number of gays/lesbians serving in the U.S. military: 65,000
(Source: Urban Institute)
Average number of 'spyware' applications infecting the average computer: 25
(Source: USA Today)
Red Sox 10 Yankees 3
http://www.electoral-vote.com/ Kerry 281 Bush 257 (We give MN to Kerry)
The Sweep of the Century
CHEERS to pain...awful, burning pain. And we love to see the New York Post in pain: http://www.nypost.com/. We may have to buy this issue (wearing protective gloves, of course).
JEERS to food poisoning. It's all I can figure. Because every time I tuned in to the game, I saw Paul Bunyan in a Red Sox uniform hitting a home run. Bad mushrooms?
CHEERS to the New York Yankees. Whiff!! Whiff!! Whiff!! Forget the players---next year Steinbrenner's gonna blow his wad on a new optometrist.
JEERS to the curse of the Bambino. I ain't lifted yet, folks. We may be happy, but we're not stupid.
The Rest:
CHEERS to `Going Upriver.' Thumbs up from C&J. An excellent movie about Kerry's war experience, both in Vietnam and Washington, D.C. Y'know, for the first time I can honestly say...I'd really, really like to have a beer with this guy.
JEERS to the "no casualty" president. Pat Robertson---in a moment he surely regrets---explains to CNN that George Bush once thumped his chest and told him that "we're not going to have any casualties" in Iraq: http://www.cnn.com/2004/ALLPOLITICS/10/19/robertson.bush.iraq/index.html#. BC04 shills Scott McClellan and Karen Hughes moved quickly to brand Robertson a liar. How will this play out in the pews on Sunday?
CHEERS to http://www.enjoythedraft.com/. Stop it! You're...killing me.
JEERS to the color-coded terror alert system. John Kerry tells Rolling Stone he'll probably scrap it: "I'm going to find some more thoughtful way of alerting America." Out: green, blue, yellow, orange, & red. In: lime, grape, lemon, tangerine, and ketchup.
CHEERS to the Rolling Stone interview. Read it. It's all red meat (okra for our vegan friends): http://www.rollingstone.com/news/story/_/id/6562106?pageid=rs.NewsArchive&pageregion=mainRegion&
amp;rnd=1098291710716&has-player=true.
CHEERS to Kerry's Kids. The future of America votes in Nickelodeon's presidential poll and Kerry beats Bush 57% to 43% (they've been 100% accurate in the past 4 elections): http://news.yahoo.com/news?tmpl=story&cid=496&u=/ap/20041020/ap_on_en_tv/nickelodeon_preside
nt&printer=1. Nick's Linda Ellerbee has the money quote: "Kids aren't dumb, they're just younger and shorter."
JEERS to Wal-Mart. They cancelled their order for Jon Stewart's #1 best-seller 'America (the book)' because it shows the Supreme Court Justices naked. The company, after all, does have standards to maintain: http://www.chronwatch.com/content/images-uploaded/tesha-photo.jpg. Wow...just look at that everyday low price!
CHEERS to birth control. National Institutes of Health-funded study says women on The Pill---besides the obvious benefit of preventing pregnancy---have a lower risk of heart disease and stroke, with no increased risk of breast cancer. But it still does nothing to help you weed out the jerks on Saturday night.
JEERS to pissing off the wrong people. From Newsweek: "Last week, at AARP's national conference in Las Vegas, the crowd was decidedly with Sen. John Kerry. In an electronic poll after a debate-watch party, 76 percent said Kerry had done a better job of addressing their concerns. And while Kerry spoke to the group the next morning, Bush sent his wife, Laura, instead." Does the Bush camp want us to win??
JEERS to Bill O'Reilly. Pictures speak louder than talking points in his case, so go here: http://www.creators.com/editorial_show.cfm?next=2&ComicName=lk. And here: http://www.creators.com/editorial_show.cfm?next=2&ComicName=cb. Aaaand here: http://www.columbusdispatch.com/2004/10/21/20041024-stahler.gif. How lonely it must be when No One's Looking Out For You.
JEERS to world peace. ABC just dropped the Miss America Pageant due to sagging ratings: http://news.yahoo.com/news?tmpl=story&cid=496&u=/ap/20041020/ap_on_en_tv/miss_america&pr
inter=1. What's a bikini-clad cello player to do now?
CHEERS to flying fingers. On October 21, 1918, a typing speed record was set by Margaret Owen of New York City: 170 words per minute on a manual typewriter. Yeah, but she cheated: http://www.mytypewriter.com/Images/Ad_Corona_Animal_Keys1.JPG.
Cheers and Jeers 5-month Flashback: May 21, 2004...
JEERS to Bush reassurances. Addressing congressional Republicans on Capitol Hill, he promises to "stay the course." You've never seen so many nitroglycerin tablets go under so many tongues at the same time.
CHEERS to personal bests. Eight years ago today---it seems like yesterday---Red Sox pitcher Roger Clemens beat the Yankees for his 200th win. Beat the Yankees Beat the Yankees Beat the Yankees Beat the Yankees Beat the Yankees Beat the Yankees ...Sorry, my keyboard... Beat the Yankees ...seems to be... Beat the Yankees ...stuck...
And just one more...
CHEERS to our choice for the real MVP of 2004: http://www.photogslounge.net/graphics/Funny%20Photos/helenthomas_badass.jpg. Muah!
Floor's going...going...it's GONE! What are you cheering and jeering about today?
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