Daily Kos: BREAKING: 190 lbs. of Bullshit Missing from Crawford, TX!

BREAKING: 190 lbs. of Bullshit Missing from Crawford, TX!

by demchick

Sun Oct 24, 2004 at 09:43:44 PM PDT

The Mayor of Crawford, Texas has warned the rest of the United States and international bullshit inspectors that nearly 190 lbs of worthless, foul-smelling, bullshit - used to start wars, curb civil liberties and generally fuck things up - are missing from a tin-horn ranch near Crawford.

demchick's diary :: ::

The huge facility, called Prairie Chapel, was supposed to be under control of two Mexican maids, but is now a no-man's land, still picked over by oil industry creditors as recently as Saturday. United Nations bullshit inspectors had monitored the sack of shit for many years, but White House and Pentagon officials acknowledge that the huge pile of dung vanished after the Supreme Court fucked up in 2000.

American bullshit experts say their immediate concern is that the bullshit could be used to further erode the rights of women and minorities in the U.S. The bullshit, usually used to make thriving businesses fail, could be used to fuck up the entire country. For example, the bullshit that traded Sammy Sosa from the Rangers to the ~~Cubs~~ White Sox was much less powerful than the amount missing today, which could be used to start wars across much of the middle east.

Tags: (all tags) :: Previous Tag Versions

GIVE US A TIP JAR DAMMIT! (4.00 / 22)

Laughing my ASS off, and so is my boyfriend.
That'll give you two 4's right there.

Blind faith in your leaders, or in anything, will get you killed. -- Bruce Springsteen

by Plutonium Page on Sun Oct 24, 2004 at 09:45:17 PM PDT
Send that sack of shit back to Texas... (3.98 / 112)

"A thing is not necessarily true because a man gives his life for it." - Oscar Wilde

by demchick on Sun Oct 24, 2004 at 09:46:02 PM PDT
- What?!? whose the jackass that gave that a 3? (3.66 / 3)
  
  Mad Wombat
  
  by FleetAdmiralJ on Sun Oct 24, 2004 at 10:12:23 PM PDT
  
  [ Parent ]
  - Now, now... (4.00 / 6)
    
    A three is perfectly respectable. :) No need to get our panties in a knot!
    
    "A thing is not necessarily true because a man gives his life for it." - Oscar Wilde
    
    by demchick on Sun Oct 24, 2004 at 10:14:27 PM PDT
    
    [ Parent ]
    - lol (none / 0)
      
      well, we're all asses here anyway.....
      
      Mad Wombat
      
      by FleetAdmiralJ on Sun Oct 24, 2004 at 10:16:11 PM PDT
      
      [ Parent ]
- Please don't torture Texas... (4.00 / 5)
  
  We don't want him either!
  
  by MCinTX on Sun Oct 24, 2004 at 10:44:38 PM PDT
  
  [ Parent ]
  - and (4.00 / 5)
    
    he's not even a real texan. Now if you're talking about assholes like DeLay, well, we have to grumblingly admit our guilt for that one.
    
    by voltayre on Sun Oct 24, 2004 at 10:47:26 PM PDT
    
    [ Parent ]
  - They were going to send it to (4.00 / 3)
    
    Yucca Flats in Neveda but they didn't want to contaminate the nuclear waste.
    
    Jeff Wegerson - PrairieStateBlue
    
    by wegerje on Mon Oct 25, 2004 at 05:03:58 AM PDT
    
    [ Parent ]
    - Send it to The Hague. (none / 1)
      
      They have ways of storing such waste matter safely.
      
      When "stupidity" suffices, why search for any other reason?
      
      by wozzle on Mon Oct 25, 2004 at 10:06:25 AM PDT
      
      [ Parent ]
  - Amen to that. (none / 0)
    
    You know as soon as he loses that "ranch" goes on the market. We don't want him back here.
    
    Dear Jesus: Save me from your followers.
    
    by jennen on Mon Oct 25, 2004 at 08:20:57 AM PDT
    
    [ Parent ]
- We don't want him either? (none / 1)
  
  Back to Yale?
  
  by LiberalRakkasan on Mon Oct 25, 2004 at 06:45:22 AM PDT
  
  [ Parent ]
STOP IT!! (none / 1)

You're killing me. I don't want to die before I get to vote the 160lbs of bull shit out of office. Now stop it already. ;-)

"The 'Gay Agenda' has indeed been revealed, and it bears a remarkable resemblance to the U.S. Constitution." ~Donna Minnis

by Decided Voter on Sun Oct 24, 2004 at 09:47:25 PM PDT
- :) Added 30 lbs (4.00 / 6)
  
  I checked and he actually weighs 190ish, so I edited the diary to reflect that. I should really fact check these things!
  
  "A thing is not necessarily true because a man gives his life for it." - Oscar Wilde
  
  by demchick on Sun Oct 24, 2004 at 09:49:23 PM PDT
  
  [ Parent ]
  - We'll just call his weight an oopsy (4.00 / 5)
    
    a miscalulation or exaggeration. Math is hard work. Boo hoo Mr. BS. ;-)
    
    "The 'Gay Agenda' has indeed been revealed, and it bears a remarkable resemblance to the U.S. Constitution." ~Donna Minnis
    
    by Decided Voter on Sun Oct 24, 2004 at 09:54:44 PM PDT
    
    [ Parent ]
    - Have you seen Mattel's new Preznit Barbie? (4.00 / 2)
      
      Pull the string and she says: "Presidentin' is hard! Let's go bombing!"
      
      by Del C on Mon Oct 25, 2004 at 05:08:26 AM PDT
      
      [ Parent ]
  - The mystery of the bulge solved! (none / 1)
    
    Finally we know what the bulge in his coat was at the debates! More shit! Maybe that's why he was scowling--he finally smelled it!
    
    sign the petition at http://www.impeachbush.org
    
    by DrKate on Sun Oct 24, 2004 at 10:30:29 PM PDT
    
    [ Parent ]
  - Are you joking? (none / 0)
    
    'Cause there's no way Bush weighs 190. He's not that tall and he's not that fat/muscular. I don't believe he weighs 190.
    
    Don't like XOM and OPEC? What have YOU done to reduce your oil consumption? Hot air does NOT constitute a renewable resource!
    
    by Asak on Mon Oct 25, 2004 at 04:46:58 AM PDT
    
    [ Parent ]
    - He's about 5'10 and looks a bit chunky (none / 0)
      
      so I believe it. He's not obese, but he should lose about twenty pounds (like many of us here, including me).
      Kerry, on the other hand, looks almost anorexic by comparison ...
      
      - What happens on DailyKos, stays on Google.
      
      by Jon Meltzer on Mon Oct 25, 2004 at 06:06:41 AM PDT
      
      [ Parent ]
      - short, yet heavy? (4.00 / 5)
        
        Clear evidence:
        The President is dense.
        
        by hermes on Mon Oct 25, 2004 at 06:37:07 AM PDT
        
        [ Parent ]
        
        Pray he becomes denser still (none / 0)
        
        He just might reach critical mass.
        I predict that this will happen on or about Nov. 2nd or 3rd, shortly after his concession speech, when he will be instanly transformed into a sucking black hole, taking out the entire assembly of relatives, cronies, henchpersons, and other republican blackguards.
        
        by meg on Mon Oct 25, 2004 at 10:15:49 AM PDT
        
        [ Parent ]
  - I doubt he actually weighs 190. (none / 0)
    
    He doesn't look nearly big enough to be 190.
    
    by DynomiteUVA on Mon Oct 25, 2004 at 08:57:07 AM PDT
    
    [ Parent ]
- I guess he lost 30 Lbs.... (none / 1)
  
  geez, now he's even less of a bull shit than he used to be. Things just aren't looking good for him.
  
  "The 'Gay Agenda' has indeed been revealed, and it bears a remarkable resemblance to the U.S. Constitution." ~Donna Minnis
  
  by Decided Voter on Sun Oct 24, 2004 at 09:49:35 PM PDT
  
  [ Parent ]
  - a 4 for your sig (none / 0)
    
    & this diary is a freakin' riot!
    i'm recommending.
    i'm lmfyao!
    thank you.
    
    Dean DNC ka-ching! button
    
    by x on Mon Oct 25, 2004 at 02:39:15 AM PDT
    
    [ Parent ]
Rumor (4.00 / 2)

I have heard the bullshit was packed into anodized aluminum tubes for shipment out of Texas.

And now a word from the National Paint, Varnish and Lacquer Association

by Olds88 on Sun Oct 24, 2004 at 09:51:34 PM PDT
DELETE THIS DIARY!!!! (none / 0)

"A thing is not necessarily true because a man gives his life for it." - Oscar Wilde

by demchick on Sun Oct 24, 2004 at 09:55:43 PM PDT
- Why? (none / 0)
  
  n/t
  
  John McCain Defends Bush's Iraq Strategy.
  
  by ClaudeB on Sun Oct 24, 2004 at 09:56:59 PM PDT
  
  [ Parent ]
  - Because... (4.00 / 2)
    
    ...I feel silly tonite!
    
    "A thing is not necessarily true because a man gives his life for it." - Oscar Wilde
    
    by demchick on Sun Oct 24, 2004 at 10:04:21 PM PDT
    
    [ Parent ]
I think you are doing an enormous dis-service... (none / 0)

....to bulls, everywhere.
It's bushshit that's missing from Crawford.
Not the wonderful, energy packed, great for growing shrubs, bullshit you so casually mock ;-)

by understandinglife on Sun Oct 24, 2004 at 09:56:06 PM PDT
- Get it?! (none / 1)
  
  Get it?! Great for growing shrubs? Arbusto? The name of Dubya's first failed venture in the oil bidness? Bush thought it was Spanish for Bush, but it translates more precisely to "shrub"? The only way he could "grow" his image as a "resolute leader" was to fertilize liberally with bullshit! See how it all comes together?! Beautiful, I tell ya...
  
  by leftwingnut on Sun Oct 24, 2004 at 11:02:57 PM PDT
  
  [ Parent ]
  - Yes, indeed.... (none / 1)
    
    ...and I'll never stop laughing at the fact that he thought he was sooooooverrrrrycooool naming his company 'arbusto'!!! His ego so far exceeds his knowledge base that he didn't realize he had converted Bush to SHRUB ;-)
    
    by understandinglife on Sun Oct 24, 2004 at 11:08:02 PM PDT
    
    [ Parent ]
BWAHAHAHAHAHA! (none / 0)

thank you demchick! LMAO!

John Cornyn is an asshole with shoes. Support Rick Noriega!

by anna on Sun Oct 24, 2004 at 09:56:53 PM PDT
Thank you! (4.00 / 2)

This is the best laugh I've had all night.
But, if I may be so bold as to make a suggestion... I don't think Crawford wants him back. May I suggest a nice cell in an undisclosed location in the Netherlands?

"Science is defined by how you ask the question, not the question you ask."

by themis on Sun Oct 24, 2004 at 09:57:38 PM PDT
- I think Bush would (none / 0)
  
  love all that fantastic Dutch beer.
  I wonder if they serve beer at Den Haag?
  
  Blind faith in your leaders, or in anything, will get you killed. -- Bruce Springsteen
  
  by Plutonium Page on Sun Oct 24, 2004 at 09:59:10 PM PDT
  
  [ Parent ]
  - lol (none / 0)
    
    Nah - they keep it just out of reach...
    However, I'd humbly suggest that they send the fantastic Dutch beer to me to make up for various crimes against my family...
    
    "Science is defined by how you ask the question, not the question you ask."
    
    by themis on Sun Oct 24, 2004 at 10:06:03 PM PDT
    
    [ Parent ]
- You mock the Netherlands, naughty, naughty... (none / 0)
  
  ....should be an undisclosed cave in south waziristan.
  Shrub and osamabinforgotten
  cangettoknow'n
  oneanother
  better........ '-)
  
  by understandinglife on Sun Oct 24, 2004 at 10:01:52 PM PDT
  
  [ Parent ]
  - I think the reference is to the ... (none / 1)
    
    ...a prison chosen by the International Criminal Court, which is located in The Hague, the Netherlands.
    
    I am an anti-imperialist. I am opposed to having the eagle put its talons on any other land. -- Mark Twain
    
    by Meteor Blades on Mon Oct 25, 2004 at 09:07:49 AM PDT
    
    [ Parent ]
    - Realized that.... (none / 0)
      
      ....and it is a reality-based destination I intend to do all I can to ensure shrub and his neocon buddies visit....but, I was also attempting, however lame, to contribute to the humor ;-)
      Peace.
      
      by understandinglife on Mon Oct 25, 2004 at 10:00:03 AM PDT
      
      [ Parent ]
      - Sorry ... with all the blogs ... (none / 0)
        
        ...I'm visiting the past few days, it's sometimes hard to separate the satire from seriousness, the uninformed from the funny.
        
        I am an anti-imperialist. I am opposed to having the eagle put its talons on any other land. -- Mark Twain
        
        by Meteor Blades on Mon Oct 25, 2004 at 01:34:05 PM PDT
        
        [ Parent ]
        
        Not to worry.... (none / 0)
        
        ....Peace.
        
        by understandinglife on Mon Oct 25, 2004 at 01:38:56 PM PDT
        
        [ Parent ]
- how about (none / 0)
  
  a cell on diego garcia?
  
  Dean DNC ka-ching! button
  
  by x on Mon Oct 25, 2004 at 02:42:11 AM PDT
  
  [ Parent ]
  - Why not (none / 1)
    
    Guantanamo?
    
    Restore Democracy! Denounce the GOP (Georgie's Orwellian Party)!
    
    by high5 on Mon Oct 25, 2004 at 06:21:06 AM PDT
    
    [ Parent ]
Damn you, demchick! Now does anyone know how (none / 1)

to get several ounces of pepsi out of the keyboard of a Dell Inspiron 9100 laptop??!!
It works now, but I'm afraid of what will happen when it dries.
Btw, they should store the returning BS at Yucca Mountain!

Come see TV from the reality-based community at RealityBasedTV.com

by MarkInSanFran on Sun Oct 24, 2004 at 10:03:34 PM PDT
Insanely funny (none / 1)

Laughing my Ass off.
...Are you single?
Don't hurt me.

by Disgusted on Sun Oct 24, 2004 at 10:04:13 PM PDT
- growl (4.00 / 3)
  
  "A thing is not necessarily true because a man gives his life for it." - Oscar Wilde
  
  by demchick on Sun Oct 24, 2004 at 10:04:46 PM PDT
  
  [ Parent ]
Why does bullshit hate America? (none / 1)

"Those who stand for nothing fall for anything." A.Hamilton

by Kernel on Sun Oct 24, 2004 at 10:05:37 PM PDT
- Because America.... (none / 1)
  
  is developing an intolerance for bullshit?
  We can only hope.
  
  "Folly is wont to have more followers and comrades than discretion." -Cervantes-
  
  by Don Quixote on Mon Oct 25, 2004 at 07:33:31 AM PDT
  
  [ Parent ]
Good news is (none / 1)

Saddam isn't running Iraq. Bad news is Bush is in charge of their economy. :(

by Stormwatcher on Sun Oct 24, 2004 at 10:34:53 PM PDT
intellectual property rights? (none / 1)

So do you want me to send this as a link so you have author's credit or just copied and pasted out to the internets? Please advise. This is too good not to get spread around!

by zane on Sun Oct 24, 2004 at 11:11:24 PM PDT
- Spread it around! (none / 0)
  
  Stop it! Yer killin' me!
  ;^)
  
  "Folly is wont to have more followers and comrades than discretion." -Cervantes-
  
  by Don Quixote on Mon Oct 25, 2004 at 07:36:11 AM PDT
  
  [ Parent ]
- Ha! (none / 0)
  
  Take what you want and leave the rest. No attribution necessary. (Just don't pretend like you wrote it or I will kick your ass.)
  
  "A thing is not necessarily true because a man gives his life for it." - Oscar Wilde
  
  by demchick on Mon Oct 25, 2004 at 08:00:38 AM PDT
  
  [ Parent ]
  - awhhh (none / 0)
    
    my mailing list will know i did not write this...there are no typos
    
    by zane on Tue Oct 26, 2004 at 05:08:29 PM PDT
    
    [ Parent ]
I believe it has been spotted (4.00 / 4)

in Ohio and Pennsylvania, stinking up half-empty rallies of loyalty-oath-swearing zombies.

by Cache on Sun Oct 24, 2004 at 11:20:18 PM PDT
- I think there was a big pile (none / 1)
  
  in a helicopter earlier today. Laura was holding her nose.
  
  It all comes down to the 50-state strategy...
  
  by Katydid on Mon Oct 25, 2004 at 12:05:58 AM PDT
  
  [ Parent ]
  - Shit Hits Giant Rotary Blades (4.00 / 2)
    
    Film at eleven.
    
    "Folly is wont to have more followers and comrades than discretion." -Cervantes-
    
    by Don Quixote on Mon Oct 25, 2004 at 07:37:43 AM PDT
    
    [ Parent ]
it's good shit (none / 1)

Crawford police busted gangs of misfit freeper high school students smuggling it out, rolling it, and smoking it.

by vickyny on Sun Oct 24, 2004 at 11:54:15 PM PDT
190lbs!!! (none / 0)

When even a small vile of the stuff can wreak havoc, 190 is truly a WMD(Weapon of Mass Decption).

To give real service you must add something which cannot be bought or measured with money, and that is sincerity and integrity. -Douglas Adams

by jigsaw68 on Mon Oct 25, 2004 at 01:12:42 AM PDT
- Make that.... (none / 0)
  
  a small vial of the vile stuff.
  
  "Folly is wont to have more followers and comrades than discretion." -Cervantes-
  
  by Don Quixote on Mon Oct 25, 2004 at 07:39:31 AM PDT
  
  [ Parent ]
- weapon of mass defecation (none / 0)
  
  lol
  
  www.honk4peace.org
  
  by Jean on Mon Oct 25, 2004 at 08:53:52 AM PDT
  
  [ Parent ]
- weapon of mass defecation (none / 1)
  
  lol
  
  www.honk4peace.org
  
  by Jean on Mon Oct 25, 2004 at 08:57:47 AM PDT
  
  [ Parent ]
We No Longer Want (none / 1)

A Shrubbery!

I make milk. What's your superpower?

by jenrose on Mon Oct 25, 2004 at 01:14:10 AM PDT
Ouch! I pulled a laugh muscle! (none / 0)

OMG that is some hilarious bullshit! You rock, thanks for making me laugh after reading pages and pages of polls showing Bush ahead.

"When I was an alien, cultures weren't opinions" ~ Kurt Cobain, Territorial Pissings

by Subterranean on Mon Oct 25, 2004 at 02:12:08 AM PDT
Whoa! Seriously good shit. (none / 0)

Let's get that bullshit back to Crawford, before another gang of terrorists get their hands on it.
Demchick, you rock!

9/11 changed everything. And we're gonna change it back.

by perro amarillo on Mon Oct 25, 2004 at 04:37:07 AM PDT
Ack! Get your baseball right (none / 0)

Sosa was traded from the Rangers to the Chicago White Sox. After three seasons with the Pale Hose, he was traded to the Cubs.
Apart from that, nice diary.

by 537 votes on Mon Oct 25, 2004 at 05:09:20 AM PDT
- Also (none / 0)
  
  Dubya also traded away Wilson Alvarez to the White Sox in this deal, who hurled a no-hitter in his first major league start.
  
  by karno on Mon Oct 25, 2004 at 06:54:19 AM PDT
  
  [ Parent ]
Does anybody know about the quake? (none / 0)

Bullshit!

on strike.

by daria g on Mon Oct 25, 2004 at 05:18:44 AM PDT
Right on! (none / 0)

I was on teh verge of creating something like this myself, you beat me to it. Nice work!

http://www.wrapupafrica.com A skirt. A skill. A life saved.

by librarianman on Mon Oct 25, 2004 at 09:14:56 AM PDT

Permalink | 66 comments

BREAKING: 190 lbs. of Bullshit Missing from Crawford, TX!

by demchick

Sun Oct 24, 2004 at 09:43:44 PM PDT

Daily Kos Help

GIVE US A TIP JAR DAMMIT! (4.00 / 22)

Send that sack of shit back to Texas... (3.98 / 112)

What?!? whose the jackass that gave that a 3? (3.66 / 3)

Now, now... (4.00 / 6)

lol (none / 0)

Please don't torture Texas... (4.00 / 5)

and (4.00 / 5)

They were going to send it to (4.00 / 3)

Send it to The Hague. (none / 1)

Amen to that. (none / 0)

We don't want him either? (none / 1)

STOP IT!! (none / 1)

:) Added 30 lbs (4.00 / 6)

We'll just call his weight an oopsy (4.00 / 5)

Have you seen Mattel's new Preznit Barbie? (4.00 / 2)

The mystery of the bulge solved! (none / 1)

Are you joking? (none / 0)

He's about 5'10 and looks a bit chunky (none / 0)

short, yet heavy? (4.00 / 5)

Pray he becomes denser still (none / 0)

I doubt he actually weighs 190. (none / 0)

I guess he lost 30 Lbs.... (none / 1)

a 4 for your sig (none / 0)

Rumor (4.00 / 2)

DELETE THIS DIARY!!!! (none / 0)

Why? (none / 0)

Because... (4.00 / 2)

I think you are doing an enormous dis-service... (none / 0)

Get it?! (none / 1)

Yes, indeed.... (none / 1)

BWAHAHAHAHAHA! (none / 0)

Thank you! (4.00 / 2)

I think Bush would (none / 0)

lol (none / 0)

You mock the Netherlands, naughty, naughty... (none / 0)

I think the reference is to the ... (none / 1)

Realized that.... (none / 0)

Sorry ... with all the blogs ... (none / 0)

Not to worry.... (none / 0)

how about (none / 0)

Why not (none / 1)

Damn you, demchick! Now does anyone know how (none / 1)

Insanely funny (none / 1)

growl (4.00 / 3)

Why does bullshit hate America? (none / 1)

Because America.... (none / 1)

Good news is (none / 1)

intellectual property rights? (none / 1)

Spread it around! (none / 0)

Ha! (none / 0)

awhhh (none / 0)

I believe it has been spotted (4.00 / 4)

I think there was a big pile (none / 1)

Shit Hits Giant Rotary Blades (4.00 / 2)

it's good shit (none / 1)

190lbs!!! (none / 0)

Make that.... (none / 0)

weapon of mass defecation (none / 0)

weapon of mass defecation (none / 1)

We No Longer Want (none / 1)

Ouch! I pulled a laugh muscle! (none / 0)

Whoa! Seriously good shit. (none / 0)

Ack! Get your baseball right (none / 0)

Also (none / 0)

Does anybody know about the quake? (none / 0)

Right on! (none / 0)

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