Last night sucked. There's no denying it. While I think that there are signs of hope out there (and I'll touch on a few later, possible in a different diary), last night the America of our ideals, the America which embodies justice, honor, inclusivity, and compassion suffered a great loss. Today, many of us are physically, mentally, and spiritually depleted, and yet our work isn't over. In fact, the fight is even more important today then before, the work that each of us is doing in the trenches even more vital. That said, before leaping back into the fray,it's important that we take stock, resupply, and generally care for ourselves (many of us could at this point be classified as the walking wounded.) I frequently work with indviduals struggling with grief and loss issues, and I can tell that it's important to exhibit some self awareness and to use some good coping skills to help manage this crisis (and in the long run, taking care of ourselves now can help make us more effective in the future.)
Many probably already know this, but in general there are 5 stages of grief:
- Denial. The classic, "It didn't happen." AKA "not just a river in Egypt".
- Anger. This can manifest in different ways, including anger at ourselves, lashing out at enemies, or friends and family (which in this case I would say covers your fellow Kos Citizens, the country, Democrats, Kerry, etc).
- Bargaining: We try and make a deal. In class grief literature, the individual attempts to make a case with God to take away the reality of the situation. I know I've day dreamed about this a time or two in the last 24 hours.
- Depression: Probably one of the most difficult stages. Things can seem hopeless, the obstacles in surmountable. The reality of the loss has set in at this point, but the way out may not seem so clear.
- Acceptance. This is where grief becomes integrated into the self. We're able to appreciate more of the positive things about the situation, fully accept what happened, and can start to truly move on, regroup, and do what needs to be done. Most of the worst emotional aspects of grief are relieved at this point.
Some general points about these stages: The first and the last stages pretty consistently happen, well, first and last, respectively. However, the middle three can happen in any order (and some people may skip one or the other). There's also no set time line to go through these...everyone is different. Its important to realize these reaction are natural, and they do serve a purpose (obviously denial works to make sure we don't throw in the flag early, anger can help us to fight back when we need to, etc). I've listed them here because it's important to understand what you're going through, and not to make it more then it is. If you find people on these boards (or yourself) being more angry then normal, realizing that it's part of the grieving process can make it easier deal with. Validate these emotions, but at the same time manage them. It's okay to feel angry (I sure as hell do), but don't waste time beating up on one another. (Likewise, it's okay to feel sad, but it's not to wallow in the emotion, etc.)
Here are some basic skills that can help to get you through and back on your feet:
- Make an effort to eat and sleep in healthy amounts. This sounds basic, but it's critical. Sometimes when depressed it's easy to become an insomniac or to sleep all the time and it's common for appetite disturbance as well (either eating very little or eating everything), but eating 3 healthy meals a day and getting as close to 8 hours of sleep can help you get back on your feet faster then anything. Likewise, getting some exercise can also be a nice release and can help to reduce stress.
- I've said this time and again already in this article, but it bears repeating: Be nice to yourselves. We've given 110% for this campaign, and many of us are physically and emotionally exhausted. Just like you shouldn't run a marathon if you've just broke your leg, now may not be the time start new projects or pick up extra responsibilities. Do something you enjoy. Read a good book, play video games, take a bubble bath, go get a massage. Whatever floats your boat now is the time to do it. You need it, and your country needs you. So go pamper yourself for while.
- Now is the time to take advantage of friends, family, and community. You're here, so that means your have friends among the netroots, which is a great start, but I'd recommend that you also take time to make contact with friends and family in real life as well. Many of you may have lost contact with people as the campaigns heated up; now would be a good time to reconnect. Some group grieving is certainly in order, but also go to movies, parties, etc. Studies find that good use of social supports can drastically cut down on time depressed or grieving.
- Start thinking about the reframe. At times like this, it's very easy to focus on the negative (and surely, there's a lot of it.) But it's also important to look at the positive, figure out what lessons where learned, and how we can use these hard learned lessons to be more productive in the future.) Markos and Meteor Blades have posted a few good examples already today, and I'm sure as people start to recoop, more and more of this will follow. Personally, my own reframe process went something like this:
When I first heard the news last night that Bush was the likely winner, I felt pretty devastated. I had worked hard on GOTV in Milwaukee all day, my wife and I had donated heavily (for us anyway) to first the Dean campaign and then Kerry camp, and I've spent over a year fighting hard for a Kerry victory. And last night, it felt like it was all for nothing. Today though, the world doesn't seem quite so bleak. The past year was far from wasted...I've met some incredible people, progressives both local and from far away, and my lifelong love of democratic values has crystallized into both knowledge about current events and issues, and a need for political action. I owe a lot to Howard, Markos, Duncan, Josh, and the entire netroots (and in some ways, George) for turning me on to politics, and helping me to connect with the active progressive movement. And for that, I am very grateful.
I hope this is helpful for some people. If anyone else has found something that helps in this time of crisis, feel free to post it here. I'd especially be interested in what people are going to do to treat themselves, and/or what peoples reframes are. I bet it'd be an interesting read.
Thanks again to you all,
Jason Best, LSW