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From the GREAT STATE OF MAINE...
Monty Python...now more than ever:
Whenever life get you down, Mrs. Brown
And things seem hard or tough
And people are stupid, obnoxious or daft
And you feel that you've had quite enough...
Just remember that you're standing on a planet that's evolving
And revolving at 900 miles an hour
That's orbiting at 19 miles a second, so it's reckoned
A sun that is the source of all our power
The sun and you and me, and all the stars that we can see
Are moving at a million miles a day
In an outer spiral arm, at 40,000 miles an hour
Of the galaxy we call the Milky Way
The universe itself keeps on expanding and expanding
In all of the directions it can whiz
As fast as it can go, at the speed of light you know
Twelve million miles a minute and that's the fastest speed there is
So remember when you're feeling very small and insecure
How amazingly unlikely is your birth
And pray that there's intelligent life somewhere up in space
`Cause there's bugger all down here on Earth.
Cheers and Jeers starts in the Extended Copy section... [Swoosh!] RIGHTNOW! [Gong!]
Cheers and Jeers for Thursday, November 11, 2004
By the Numbers:
Days `til Thanksgiving: 14
Number of military veterans in the U.S.: 25 million+
(Source: Census Bureau)
Number of veterans without health care: 1.7 million
(Source: Center for American Progress)
Original estimate of water expected to `leak' from Boston's Big Dig tunnels per year: 500,000 gallons
Actual amount that's leaked this year: 26 million gallons
Estimated amount of time needed to fix all the leaks: Up to 10 years
(Source: Boston Globe)
CHEERS to Thumb. A brief comment by the Kossack caught the eye of Molly Ivins: "I am indebted to a blogger on DailyKos.com for the brilliant notion that George Soros should buy Diebold Co." That and more post-election parsing here: http://www.creators.com/opinion_show.cfm?columnsName=miv. Memo to Kos: Get a testimonial from the goddess!
CHEERS to Veterans Day. Our sentiments exactly: http://ice.he.net/~freepnet/kerry/graphics/Veterans_Day.jpg. Today Kevlar's on the house!
JEERS to Alberto Gonzales. Bush's choice to replace John Ashcroft. He's a typical cold-hearted conservative Friend of Bush who approves of torture and tried to save Enron's ass, so we say ixnay on the ominationnay. Oh...he's Hispanic? So sorry...we didn't mean to stand in the way of diversity.
CHEERS and "Alki!" to the Evergreen State. Washington was admitted as the 42nd state 115 years ago today. Today we nosh on an apple in your honor. If only we could decide which kind: http://www.bestapples.com/varieties/index.html.
JEERS to brown-nosers. Twin brothers Dillon and Jesse Smith of Long Island, NY both scored perfect 1600s on their SATs. Remember that number, guys...it's the temperature of the fry vats at Burger King. (No, we're NOT bitter! Shut up or yer gettin' a swirlie!)
CHEERS to Senator Barbara Boxer (D-CA). Not only did she coast to re-election victory last week (why, it was a mandate!), but today is her 64th birthday. Today you get a free ride on your state's kewl new form of public transportation: http://www.mydd.com/story/2004/11/10/134638/70. (Instead of pulling the cord when you wanna get off, you just pull the trigger.)
JEERS to Yasser Arafat. C&J is ready to travel to that Paris hospital and beat him with an old shoe `til he... He's what? Oh, never mind. Have a nice flight, chairman.
CHEERS to outsourcing C&J. Bakin4mymomma posted this snarky bit you might have missed yesterday: "Jeers to the upcoming Ronald Reagan stamp. Thank god for self-adhesive stamps. I thought Reagan left a bad taste in my mouth the first time." We couldn't have said it better ourselves.
CHEERS to piling on. C&J reader Don Quixote added to the above: "It must be a self-adhesive stamp. Otherwise, people will keep spitting on the wrong side." And Nightsweat chimed in: "If you use the Reagan stamp on your mail do your grandkids have to pay the postage?" You guys take over...we're goin' on vacation.
JEERS to being bamboozled. So Republicans hate those Hollywood elitists, huh? Then what about Ronald Reagan? What about Arnold Schwarzenneggar? What about this guy: http://salc.wsu.edu/Fair_F01/FS12/Html/celebrities/fredgrandy.htm? And what about this guy: http://www.cnn.com/US/9801/06/bono.obit.update/#4? And what about this guy: http://www.acidlogic.com/graphics/im_fred_thompson.gif? And what about this guy: http://www.hollywoodinvestigator.com/2003/Ben%20Stein.jpg. Just asking.
JEERS to people who must be stopped. Like the Jones Soda Company: http://washingtontimes.com/business/20041108-094912-5209r.htm. Why not go all the way and make "Fizzy Booger?"
JEERS to flintlock diplomacy. Michael Ledeen at National Review says the logical choice to replace Colin Powell as secretary of State is...Zell Miller: http://nationalreview.com/ledeen/ledeen200411090750.asp. The folks who make dueling pistols are lickin' their chops.
JEERS to Canine Crackdowns. Brazil's equivalent of Zell Miller wants to outlaw giving dogs human names: http://www.miami.com/mld/miamiherald/news/opinion/10133384.htm. Even Molly, C&J's chocolate lab, is rolling her eyes.
CHEERS to hindsight. Steve Soto's must-read---with assistance from large post-election Zogby survey and new Carville/Greenberg report---suggests that Democrats didn't lose because we suffered from a "values deficit": http://www.theleftcoaster.com/archives/003240.html#more. But next time we'll learn our lesson: It's the yard signs, stupid.
Cheers and Jeers 6-month Flashback: May 11, 2004...
JEERS to mixed up priorities. New report says Bush Administration has spent $3 in Iraq for every $1 spent on homeland security. Got duct tape?
CHEERS to the International Red Cross. Says up to 90 percent of Iraqi detainees were hauled in "by mistake," and echoes military report that U.S. abuses are widespread and not limited to Abu Ghraib. How sad---first the IRC tried to protect Iraqis from Saddam; now they're trying to protect 'em from us.
And just one more...
CHEERS to Adrian Raeside. Did we mention it's Veteran's Day? http://www.creators.com/editorial_show.cfm?comicname=ar.
Floor's open. What are you cheering and jeering about today?
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