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From the GREAT STATE OF MAINE...
Today is Mark Twain's 169th birthday. He had a lot to say about politics and its cousin, religion. A few of our favorites:
"In religion and politics people's beliefs and convictions are in almost every case gotten at second-hand, and without examination, from authorities who have not themselves examined the questions at issue but have taken them at second-hand from other non-examiners, whose opinions about them were not worth a brass farthing."
"To lodge all power in one party and keep it there is to insure bad government and the sure and gradual deterioration of the public morals."
"It is my belief that nearly any invented sound bite, played with confidence, stands a good chance to deceive."
Want more? There's a nifty `Mark Twain For President' site that's full of his snark and common sense here: http://www.twain2004.com/sb.html.
Meanwhile, the most comparably unworthy Cheers and Jeers starts in the Extended Copy section... [Swoosh!!] RIGHTNOW! [Gong!!]
Cheers and Jeers for Tuesday, November 30, 2004
By the Numbers:
Percent of Americans who don't know William Rehnquist is Chief Justice of the Supreme Court: 59%
(Source: AP)
Height of this year's White House Noble fir Christmas tree: 18 feet
Estimated total cost of food thrown out each year by U.S. households: $43 Billion
Cost of food the average American family tosses out each year: $590
(Source: Time Magazine)
Percentage of HIV-positive adults who are women: 47%
(Source: World Health organization)
Your Puppy Pic of the Day: This is known as "a floppy-eared handful of cute": http://www.weeklyfreebie.com/free/thisweek/puppies.jpg
CHEERS to jeerers. Bush is in Canada this week, and throngs of protestors are poised to greet him along the way. But, being so polite, will chants of "We respectfully disagree with many of your policies, sir!" make much impact?
JEERS to the greedy making money off the greedy. Ads by law firms looking to make a quick buck off the Vioxx scandal (http://www.tampatrib.com/opinion/MGB8CIV0K0E.html) are springing up all over the place. We never thought we'd say this, but...bring on the Christmas commercials.
CHEERS to happy returns of the day. Kos is back from vacation. Remember, y'all promised not to tell him about our little...y'know...incident while he was gone. (Spyral, you did use Superglue, right? Not that cheap Elmer's crap.)
CHEERS your viewing pleasure: `Spiderman 2,' `Hero' and `The Legend of Jesus Christ Playing Golfing Legend Bobby Jones' top this week's DVD list. (If you want the latest adult films, please send us your usual self-addressed, stamped, extra-large envelope and $300 in small bills).
JEERS to the new flake on the block. Bush's choice to replace Don Evans as Commerce Secretary is former Kellogg's CEO Carlos "I am NOT Groucho Marx!" Gutierrez. His first priority: free toy surprises inside specially marked packages of everything.
CHEERS to cool babes. Actress Helen Mirren (Gosford Park, Calendar Girls) was set to travel to the Darfur region of the Sudan to call attention to atrocities there, but an outbreak of violence caused her sponsor to cancel the trip. She's going anyway on her own to "remind people [the conflict there is] not over." Classy. And gutsy.
CHEERS to celebrity sweat. You guys!! This is SO KEWL!! Now you can own a watch with a band that comes from the sweat-soaked guitar straps and jackets of famous people: http://www.nixonnow.com/ltd/rock.html. But C&J maintains trademark rights for our specialty line of surgical masks made from celebrity jock straps.
JEERS to first responders in trouble. The National Fire Protection Association says that two-thirds of America's fire stations are short-staffed...and police departments aren't doing much better: http://news.yahoo.com/news?tmpl=story&cid=676&u=/usatoday/20041129/ts_usatoday/policefiredep
artmentsseeshortagesacrossusa&printer=1. And you didn't think there could be another reason to despise every chromosome in George W. Bush's body.
CHEERS to happy endings. On this date in 1782, the United States and Britain signed peace articles in Paris, ending the War of Independence. Unfortunately, in the War of Energy Independence we're still stuck at Valley Forge. Rah Rah.
JEERS to bad credit. As in, the 79% of credit reports that contain mistakes, according to the U.S. Public Interest Research Group. On the bright side, Time Magazine reports that, starting tomorrow, the Fair and Accurate Credit Transactions Act will allow you to "receive---for free---one credit report from each of the three major credit bureaus every 12 months." Go to this new web site for more info: http://www.annualcreditreport.com. Republicans are getting sloppy to let that little bit of consumer-friendly legislation slip through the cracks.
JEERS to your big fat American ass. Compared to the 1990s, the airline industry is paying $275 million more per year now because passengers are an average of 10 pounds heavier, says the National Center for Health Statistics. From now on, in-flight snacks will consist of water and "fun size" packet of ephedra.
CHEERS to old relic$. On this date in 1983, Radio Shack introduced the Tandy Model 2000 computer. C&J still has its first computer---a Tandy 1000---in storage. You tell us...are we sitting on a bunch of worthless circuitry...or a future gold mine?
CHEERS to bulldogs with brains. Happy 130th birthday to Sir Winston Churchill. He has a from-beyond-the-grave message for our dear leader: "Never, never, never believe any war will be smooth and easy, or that anyone who embarks on the strange voyage can measure the tides and hurricanes he will encounter. The statesman who yields to war fever must realize that once the signal is given, he is no longer the master of policy but the slave of unforeseeable and uncontrollable events." Pay your respects here: http://www.findagrave.com/cgi-bin/fg.cgi?page=gr&GRid=2194&pt=Winston%20Churchill.
CHEERS to Boyz in the Hoodio. Nifty new jacket from Gap has a radio built into the hood: http://news.com.com/Photo+Gap+Hoodie/2009-1041_3-5448656.html. And the version for grownups would be...where?
Cheers and Jeers Flashback: June 30, 2004...
JEERS to Sergeant Gramps. So it's come to this: The Pentagon has called 5,600 no-longer-soldiers soldiers back into service to help shore up stretched military. How long until they start calling up World War II veterans?
CHEERS to cool cars. The first Corvette was manufactured 51 years ago today. Cost: $3,250. The best thing to happen for men in mid-life crises since the mistress.
And just one more...
CHEERS to Chip Bok. The cartoonist on why there's no Macy's parade in Ramallah: http://www.creators.com/editorial_show.cfm?comicname=cb. Poor Donald.
Floor's open. What are you cheering and jeering about today?
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