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From THE GREAT STATE OF MAINE...
Afternoon, all (morning to you west coasters). On days like today here in Maine, we rely heavily on the fifth major food group: hot toddies. Even the seagulls have their Bean Boots on.
Results from Friday's poll: You overwhelmingly (76%) agreed that our collective present to George W. Bush on Valentine's Day should be: "Pretzels, pretzels, pretzels." Be sure to vote in today's all-important poll, too.
Cheers and Jeers starts in the Extended copy box...rightnow!
Cheers and Jeers for Monday, February 16, 2004
CHEERS to coming clean. In NBC interview at Daytona, George W. Bush finally admits, "I flew fighters when I was in the Guard, and I like speed." Now we know why he didn't show up for his physical. Let's move on and re-open the Harken scandal.
JEERS to unfolding Kerry soap opera. As he held her tightly in his lanky, muscular arms, the Senator gazed into the former intern's misty blue eyes. Tingly feelings of passion stirred in their loins...feelings they knew they could never unleash again. As the fog began to lift, the Senator wiped away a single tear from Alex's cheek. Then he spoke softly, hypnotically, gravitasiscially. "We'll always have Kenya. Or at least you will. Have a nice flight."
JEERS to Pinocchio. After seeing RNC chairman Ed Gillespie's performance on Meet the Press, the wooden one is no longer king of the whoppers.
CHEERS to Press-Enterprise. Southern California newspaper drops Ann Coulter's column because, "we will not harbor columnists whose work is threaded with invective." And they didn't want to pony up for rabies shots.
CHEERS to President's Day. The day we celebrate the accomplishments of Martin Van Buren, Millard Fillmore, Benjamin Harrison, and the token gay, James Buchanan. Hail---and two snaps---to the Chiefs.
JEERS to President's Day. What's it good for if ya gotta work?
CHEERS to sweet anticipation. Feds are likely to file criminal charges against Enron chief executive Jeffrey "I Eat Children For Breakfast" Skilling. Let's hope the list is long.
JEERS to Dean the Borg. His movement will continue, even after his tubes are pulled out in Wisconsin. Resistance is futile.
JEERS to Dennis Miller. Hopes that his new TV show would be funny (he co-stars with a chimp, fer Chissakes) have turned to dust. Memo: take a few months off and study `Real Time with Bill Maher.' The chimp can sub for ya.
CHEERS to the real Sunday sports story. Earnhardt, Jr.'s Daytona win is quaint and all, but John Daly battled divorce, alcoholism, suspension, and 189 straight PGA losses before winning yesterday's Buick Invitational. All hail the comeback kid.
CHEERS to `Ring' swing. "Return of the King" nabs 4 British Oscars, including film, screenplay, cinematography, visual effects. The event was powered with petroleum by-products from melted down copies of `Gigli.'
What are you cheering and jeering today?
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