accomplishments <ahem> of his administration.
Here's what we came up with, as this year's version of "Might's well get drunk -
did!".... although Dybya's drunk with power these days, and we're getting drunk just to get us through the Right's
Faith-Based Initiatives.
p.s. The slugs/drinks referenced below can be either a beer or wine or your favorite hard liquor - your choice (at this point in Dubya's reign, it doesn't really matter).
- During his entrance into the chamber, every time King George smiles that shit-eating grin at someone or slaps someone on the shoulder, take a slug.
"There he goes, hon, he's started already.... got that bottle of Tequila ready?"
- Everytime he pronounces it "Murkins," take a half a slug.
"Sheesh, this stuff's going fast...."
- When he says "The state of our union is strong," gulp your drink as fast as you can.
"That's it, Tequila's gone already, what else we got?"
- "Nukular".... yeah, you know what to do. Probably preface that drink with a groan.
"Yeah, I got no problem with beer, but what're YOU gonna drink?"
- If he says "Protect the homeland," in conjunction with "My job is," stick your fingers down your throat and make room for the next round.... hell, you know it's gonna make you barf anyway!
"Aw, c'mon, three people can't puke into the same toilet, and I got here first!"
- If the "War President" claims that we're "winning the peace," and then the Right Wing Corporate Media [RWCM] pans over to "Unca Donald" Rumsfeld, use the "one potato, two potato" method to determine who's going to attempt drinking this one while standing on their head; after all, war is peace, up is down....
"Whaddya mean, a 'Molotov Cocktail'?!? That ain't no real drink!!!!!"
- If Dubya dares mention "Jack Abramoff," everyone cheers as loud as they can. Drinks are optional (but clink glasses a must, either way).
"Cheers to the man behind the Republican bribery scandal!"
"Hear, hear!!"
- Every time the RWCM shows a Democrat with their eyes closed (seemingly sleeping, but most likely praying), demonstrate the many different ways - the variations - that a raspberry (Bronx Cheer) can be expressed.
"Thbpbpthpt!!!" (in print) " :-Þ~~~~~ "
- Every time the Right side of the hall stands to cheer and/or clap, feed your drink to the person next to you; you should probably form a circle to make this work.
"I think it's time to open the Wild Turkey...."
- If the camera catches Senator Joe Lieberman standing and applauding, take a drink of something yellow.
"Hey, can you make a wine cooler with Mountain Dew?"
- Every time King George deigns to mention the name and "up by their bootstraps!" story of one of the little people, preferably sitting right next to Laura, poke a hole in your cup and drink from the leak.
Crap, there's no booze left.... honey, do we have any mouthwash?
- If Dubya claims "bipartisan support" for anything, gargle, then swallow.
"Glad we're into the mouthwash, I'd hate to be gargling Asti Spumanti."
- If Mrs. Judge Samuel Alito is in the gallery next to Laura Bush and she starts to cry when the judge is introduced as the newest Supreme Court Justice, try NOT to throw your drink glass at the teevee screen.
"Okay, Harvey, stop banging your head against the wall.... he hasn't screwed up anything yet!"
- If King George says "fiscal discipline," take a mouthful and spit it at the teevee screen.
"Hey look what I found.... cough syrup! Crap, "use by" date says August 04. Oh well, maybe I can get a prescription...."
- If the speech is under an hour, finish up whatever booze you have left on the table and try not to think about the two more of these we still have to drink sit through.
"Oh, show me the way to the next whiskey bar...."
- And if the Democratic Response makes any mention of how they hope to work with President Bush, hang it up. It's not going to get any better.
"Oh, don't ask why.... oh, don't ask why...."