The fight for civil unions/domestic partnerships was almost already won. The gay-marriage debate has set this progress back by allowing our opponents to frame it in religious terms. Civil unions will eventually lead to same-sex civil marriage. Without legislation, society had already accepted and endorsed the position that long-term committed relationships are as good for us as for anyone else. Transitory phases are a necessary evil because they promote change slowly, at a pace that society is more willing to accept. Sweden is now considering doing away with its civil partnership laws and allowing same-sex partners to become full fledged married couples.
Back in the late 70s when I became an adult, I was encouraged by my straight friends and co-workers to 'get married'. And when I did, it was assumed by everyone that my partner was the equivalent of a spouse. Whenever there was a party, reunion or get-together, I was enouraged to bring my 'husband.' This huge societal attitude change was already quietly taking place back then.
Then came the 80s and 90s, when our relationships began to be recognized by our employers. When Disney and Apple established their domestic partnership benefits packages, they were available only to gay couples. Others companies believed DP benefits should apply to non-married, heterosexual couples as well. Disney, Apple and AMR disagreed and rightly so. These benefits were offered to us because, unlike heterosexuals, we couldn't get legally married. Let's not worry about straight, unmarried couples. They already have options we don't. Let them fight their own battles (although I would support them in their demands, liberal that I am).
Even today, in the middle of this horrible backlash, a majority of Americans already support giving us some, most or all rights accorded to straight married couples. But the issue has been taken out of our hands by our straight supporters and opponents. We are now getting kicked around like a soccer ball by people who simply don't know and will never understand how important this is for us. Those who do understand, straight or gay, continue to stand behind us. Corporations and universities in Michigan and Ohio have already stated that they have no intention of changing their benefit packages for gay employees and their partners, and will go to court if necessary to preserve them. Not so the recently canonized Saint Jennifer Granholm, for whom constitutional amendments have been suggested to allow her to be President, but who will do away with benefits for gay state employees and their partners when their contracts expire. It's a sad day in this country when we have to rely on corporations instead of the government to protect our civil rights, but there you have it. The corporations are smart; they know exactly what they're doing. They know we will forever hold them in high esteem for establishing policies that are equitable and fair. We will come to them first when seeking jobs and also when buying their products. For them it's a win-win situation.
So what do we do now? What has worked for us in the past. We need to prove ourselves valuable to society, as workers and professionals, as family members, and as friends. We don't need to allow laws to define our relationships. They are valuable and worthy just the way they are. We should never forget that. With this knowledge and moral certitude we just continue to carry on the same way we have in the past, learning from our mistakes while remaining united. Individuals will continue to fight for their rights in court regardless of political or electoral considerations, and that's the way it should be. Brain drain is inevitable in states that are hostile to our demands, and that too is as it should be. States and countries that welcome us will benefit. This should self-correct soon enough, to our advantage. We absolutely MUST maintain our solidarity with groups whose civil-rights demands, while different from ours, are also equally important to them. Reactionary elements have already tried to pit African-Americans against the gay community. Let us never forget that the majority of African-American leaders in this country have expressed support for our cause, from Coretta Scott King to Al Sharpton, John Lewis, Bob Herbert, and many others. Let's also not forget that a huge percentage of gay community members are also racial/ethnic minorities.