I keep seeing discussion about same sex marriage, and often see variations on this question:
"So what's the big deal to the right wing, why do they care so much about the marriage issue?
Of course I have often wondered the same thing myself. As it happens, in summer 2003 I received some answers. The memo from "Focus on the Family" which I include here was sent out to everyone on an email group to which I belong, the sender having assumed that everyone in the group was on their side of the issue.
I kept it around because it explains so much.
Memo From the Desk of Glenn T. Stanton
DIRECTOR, SOCIAL RESEARCH AND CULTURAL AFFAIRS
SENIOR RESEARCH ANALYST FOR MARRIAGE AND SEXUALITY
8605 Explorer Drive ü Colorado Springs, CO 80920 ü (719) 548-5980
1/19/05
TO: Public Policy Staff
RE: Talking Points on Goodridge Case
It is expected that the Massachusetts Supreme Judicial Court will rule in the Goodridge (same-sex "marriage") case either tomorrow or Monday. The Court will simply post their ruling on the SJC website at 10am eastern time.
Following are some talking points for consideration in anticipation of their decision:
For the full length of human history, marriage has consistently been established upon the coming together of male and female, the two parts of humanity. It is only in the last few seconds of human experience that a small, but legally powerful minority has had the arrogance to say that nature is intolerant.
The state does not own marriage and it is not their job to define or redefine it. It is the state's responsibility to echo the judgement of nature and human experience. Marriage is larger than the state, even the church. It is the first and foundational human institution.
The Massachusetts Judicial Supreme Court has arrogantly and foolishly said it can divert the great flowing river of human history which loudly proclaims what marriage is. Marriage has never been elastic and has always consisted of male and female.
Marriage answers the paradox that humanity exists in male and female. It provides for the arena for these two sides of humanity to come together in a cooperative, permanent union that drives the continual, healthy development of society.
Thirty years ago, our nation entered a dramatic social experiment with the family called "no fault" divorce. Both today's ruling and the no fault divorce revolution are driven solely by adult interests, while ignoring the devastating affects this will have on future generations of children.
It is wrong to subject our children to one more untried social experiment fueled by adult interest.
Our nation' social scientists have learned a great deal over the last thirty years about the problem of fatherlessness: Mom and dad are both essential for children's well being. The same-sex marriage proposition will create more physical and emotional harm for millions of children by intentionally denying the benefit of either a mother or a father.
Future generations will look back on this decision and its far-reaching implications and condemn us for our short sightedness and arrogance. They will denounce us as well-intentioned fools for subjecting our society to a humanly and historically radical experiment that dismantles the time-tested meanings of marriage, parenthood and gender itself.
(In response to the charge: "We just want to help strengthen marriage...)
Marriage thrives when we are faithful to and honor its time-tested definition. It does not thrive under the inclusive banner "the more the merrier".
(In response to the charge: "We need marriage to feel like full members of society.")
What we are talking about here is self esteem and it is not the place of government to bestow self esteem on any individual or group.
UNDERSTANDING THE IMPLICATIONS OF THIS DECISION:
The Goodridge decision is harmful because it will dismantle our understanding of marriage, parenthood and gender itself. These understandings have been fundamentally consistent throughout the full scope of human history and experience.
The issue is not about:
- whether gays and lesbians are nice people/neighbors/citizens...many are.
- It is not about their ability to love each other...of course they can.
- Their ability to love their children...we do not doubt this.
The issue is about:
- Whether the definition of marriage (and therefore parenthood and gender) is elastic.
- Whether marriage is merely a product of the state or an established fact of nature and human experience.
- What this redefinition will mean for the children and their children.
The following is the answer to the question, "How does our same-sex marriage threaten your family/children?"
Same-sex relationships sends the message to my children and their generation that marriage is merely any grouping of adults who love each other, that "mother" and "father" are only words with no meaning and that gender is flexible and no deeper than personality type.
The following offers some deeper thoughts on those three important points to animate and inform your thinking.
Marriage becomes merely an emotional relationship that is elastic enough to include any grouping of loving adults. Any narrowing of that criteria to include only male and female (Which ALL human civilizations have done up until the last few seconds of human history!) or only one male and female (which the majority of all human civilizations have done as well) is saying that nature is intolerant and wrong.
Parenthood now consists merely of adults. "Mother" and "father" become only words we use to address parents. Any apparent differences there are merely superficial and of no practical consequence. Additionally, the ideal of the good family man - the committed father who cares and provides for his children and wife -- is what will really suffer hard here. Under the same-sex marriage and family experiment, he becomes unnecessary and our nation's sociological research of the last thirty years tells us he is more essential than we ever imagined in far deeper ways. And the absence of the good family man undermines a woman's ability to be a good mother. (You can't be an authentic "yin" without an authentic "yang".)
Gender becomes nothing also. The same sex proposition cannot tolerate any necessary, qualitative differences in the genders. If any real differences exist, then men would need women and women would need men. Our children learn that gender is like mere personality types. This will create far more, rather than less, confusion, misunderstanding and dissention within each of us and our relationships.
We dismantle our time-tested understanding of these fundamental human assets and qualities at our own peril. Unfortunately, the Goodridge decision does exactly that!
So there you have it from the horse's mouth, folks. What I find the most damning in this document is the naked sexism of the right wing agenda. The effort to ban same sex marriage is based on these people's wish to impose their concept of appropriate gender roles on every person everywhere. No questioning of biology or destiny can be allowed. Such questioning might lead to "dissention within each of us and our relationships."
An amazing series of admissions. I open the floor to your comments.