Republican biologists have announced a breakthrough that may lead to salvation for holier-than-thou hypocrites: A camel small enough to pass through the eye of an ordinary sewing needle. The "micro-camel," as it's been dubbed by GOP researchers, is their first discovery after decades of work in the field of Intelligent Design Theory.
The micro-camel will provide welcome relief for right-wing millionaires and billionaires, allowing them to enter the kingdom of Heaven despite biblical teachings about wealth and loving thine enemies. Vice-President Dick Cheney, Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld and shadowy right-wing financier Richard Mellon Scaife are expected to be among the micro-camel's first beneficiaries, with priority being given to the older and more evil members of the GOP's upper echelons.
GOP researchers were especially jubilant that their discovery did not require the use of stem cells, the theory of evolution, generally accepted accounting principles or any other fields of knowledge that were politically unacceptable. A spokesman for the Republican Party proclaimed that "GOP contributors will have the best of both worlds — lording it over the meek on Earth and then enjoying champagne and caviar in the afterlife."