I have wanted to write this diary for so long, but I have been so afraid that you all would totally reject me. I am not willing to give up the Daily Kos, so if you do reject me, I'll just come back under another name. I love the Kos community.
I used to be a lawyer. I worked full time and went to law school at night; four years, three nights a week 12 months a year. I passed the California Bar the first time out. I practiced law for about 17 years. Approximately five years ago I "borrowed" money from a trust account that I had -it was the proceeds from the sale of a family residence.
My excuse/justification at that time: It rained every day that winter. I was so incredibly depressed. My lover left me. I was experiencing menopause, but my mom was long dead so I did not know what was happening to me. In any event, this is what happened
My client reported me to the local police dept. When the detective called me, I feely admitted what I had done .I hired a attorney. Most of the judges recused themselves because they knew me. There was one judge who said he would not recuse himself and also said that it did not look like a case for state prison. Big surprise. He sentenced me to three years in state prison. I did not have a record of any kind. Not even a moving violation.
Moving on - I got sentenced, and immediately remanded - this means that they handcuffed me and put me in the jury box. I cried. This was the beginning of Mr. Toad's wild ride.
Well, jail was not so bad, other than the food. My x-husband was my first visitor. He said "Well, it's a find mess you've got yourself into this time." I cracked up. He also put $100 on my books. Here's the interesting info for all you smokers and drinkers out there: I had no problem whatever not smoking or drinking. I knew it was not an option, so I didn't miss it.
So, now it gets worse. Approximately 10 days later they came for me at about 9:00 p.m. They guy is dressed all in black and he's about 6'4". Did I mention I am 5"2? In any event he puts me in shackles and leads me to a van. We speed through the night. I ultimately end up at Valley State Prison for Women. I am scared to death. I go through the humiliation of stripping, and the "cough and swat" routine. I pass the tests. They give me some nasty orange clothing and stuff (I am a little bit vague here) and I go to this big building. Everyone is watching, and I am scared to death, but I know nothing other than keeping my head up and keeping on.
I am assigned to a cell/room. The other occupant is Hispanic, she really cannot communicate, but I cry and she understands that and she holds me. The routine is that you get in line to go to breakfast and dinner. You go to this dining hall place. The food sucks. Finally, about a month into it, I get transferred to another part of the prison where I have a little more freedom. It is now an 8 person room. Of course I always get a top bunk because I am one of the few that can get my butt up there. Things get a little better. We are let out four times a week to walk the track or do whatever. I walk the track. I really don't have any friends. I just keep walking and walking. (Lost weight and got in really great shape.) We've still got the lining up for meals. I will never forget the coming back from dinner and the guard yelling "Who let the dogs out," and the women all laughing.
Finally, after four months I meet with my "counselor." He is so kind to me that I cry. He tells me that I can go to this place called the Restitution Center." It sounds like heaven to me. Of course it takes forever for me to get here because they keep looking for my "rap sheet" which does not exist
Finally, I get to the Restitution Center in LA. They actually treated us like human beings. We were all required to find jobs. We had TV's in all of our rooms. We could call and order our dinner delivered. We were also required to tell our prospective employers that we are inmates at the Restitution Center. I was amazed at how liberal Los Angels is. Most employers did not give a damn. I got hired by some really top law offices in Los Angels. Of course, I was hired as a legal secretary. Oh, yeah, while we were at the Restitution Center we had to go to the food bank and work every Saturday, and that was okay. We were like a block from USC and we had this incredibly nice black sergeant who used to take us on a "run" through the campus every night. He was so nice - plus he had a great butt! ;>
One of the plus sides of this whole horrific experience is that I got to experience what it was like to have "sisters." I was an only child. When I was at the Restitution Center I had two very good friends. We had each other's backs. I got "home" later than either of them (from Encino) and they always ordered my dinner for me. I will never forget those two women. By the way, we got transferred from the original Restitution Center to a facility run by VOA. We ended up on the same block with the 18th Street gang. They never bothered us. Guess they figured we had enough trouble
When we got paid from our jobs, we had to turn in our paychecks to the front desk. One-third went to paying our restitution; one third went to room and board, and one-third we got to keep. Problem being is that those fuckers spent the money that we were paying for restitution. I presently am the leading plaintiff (could have lived without that) in a class action against CDC. I don't want to do this. I finally came back to the county where I was sentenced. I really, really wanted to stay in LA. Sure I have a job here as a legal secretary/assistant. But it's a pretty small town. I think that probably everyone else has forgiven me, but I have never forgiven myself. I am still on parole. Most people get off after one year. Sue the State of CA, and you spend the max time. It's really no big deal to me. My parole officer is cool. They can pee test me till the world looks level and it will never matter. I will actually get off parole in May of this year. " 9/11 changed everything." I'll bet I'm on the no fly list. Sorry this diary is so log. I'll have to do another one about how I survived the first six months after I returned to Sonoma County.