A Writing in Oblivion Diarist's Sob Story
I recently started writing an intense weekly gig that gets little attention. It's odd. It's eclectic. Sort of like "Arrested Development" but not as brilliant, as well written or anywhere near as funny.
If you don't know about "Arrested Development", you need not concern yourself, it will probably be cancelled (if it hasn't been already) because it just hasn't resonated with the public, despite winning 5 Emmys.
I started my diary series after writing, what was, in essence, a diary a day for five days a week for six months in Cheers & Jeers.
When I wanted to expand my C&J "diary posts" to even more obnoxious proportions, I moved out into the big world of dKos.
It is like two separate communities; it can be an exceedingly chilly world outside of those C&J walls.
Do I want to whine about the cruel world of dKos diaries?
You bet I do.
Have I been disappointed and hurt by the lack of support?
Of course, I have.
I'm only human, and while they may just be words on the screen to you, there's a real flesh and blood person with feelings here writing them. It's the same with any diarist.
You go along thinking you are an important part of the community then you discover you're just another screen name very few people recognize.
I am a....nobody!
Yeah, buddy, you along with over 40,000 others.
But, but, but, it's about ME. Don't you all realize that? Don't you hear all the MEs out there shouting for your attention? Over 200 mees on any given day.
Writing is a selfish act; it's as self-absorbed as a person can get. Me-me-me-me-me-me. They ignored my hard work. Those cold and cruel bastards are dissing me by not recommending my diary or giving me mojo for my brilliant comments.
Doesn't this sound like the recipe of a Cruel World diary?
So, for about five minutes every time one of my diaries scrolled into the barren outer reaches of the scrolled-off diaries, I'd throw a personal pity party.
I'd go through the five stages of grief.
- Denial - Maybe no one's on now. It can't be because my diary sucks. Maybe they're just not seeing it. Maybe aliens zapped the earth with some ray and now my diaries are only visible to me. The aliens got them that's why they don't see my diary.
- Anger - Don't they know how f^cking long this took to do? F^ck this! That's the last f^cking time I am posting a diary. F^cking b^st^rds. (Upon seeing a diary on the recommended list.) Why did that f^cking piece of crap get recommended? That took about what, five f^cking minutes to churn out? F^ck! (sound familiar?)
- Bargaining - Please read my diary. If I can just get ten recommends, just ten, I'll be happy. Posting a diary whore comment in open or other thread is usually an act that takes places during this stage.
- Depression - Fine. Assh*les. See if I care. Where's the leftover Easter chocolate?
- Acceptance - Yeah, it sucks. Oh well, at least I got two nice comments.
After a crash and burn I'd stew over it for hours; b*tch and moan for hours.
Then something happened. I did this series, which by the way started with an unexpected bang, sputtered along, crashed, and crashed big-time, respectively.
When I say "crashed", I'm talking about dKos lingo-not getting on the Recommended Diary list. I personally think anything over 10 recommends is a resounding success.
Now that I know a majority of diarists face the same rejection I do it makes the suck-fest a little easier to bear.
Now I go through the five stages of grief at an accelerated rate: My timing sucks, f*cking jerks, whore diary somewhere, <sob> I need a hit of chocolate, oh well, whatever, at least...
I'll proceed to do some low-key grumbling for a short time, and then I GET OVER IT.
Oh sure, I used to post my pity party on occasion; a self-deprecating comment here, and little whine there. Would you like some cheese with your whine, mental?
I wish someone had posted that comment when I sounded particularly pathetic, and trust me, I did.
I felt pathetic whenever I posted a comment like that, so I can only imagine how I sounded.
You want to top hurt upon hurt?
Post something to the effect that no one is reading your diary and you'll find even after the post there is still no one reading your damn diary. Ouch.
Feeling snubbed is bad enough, but being snubbed after pointing out that you're feeling snubbed is, by far, the worst. You might as well move on to self-inflicting paper-cuts from the gummed flaps of manila business envelopes between your toes to dull the pain.
Believe me; it takes a lot of effort not to comment on the lack of support on the board, whether it be in my diary, in the WYFP diary, or in C&J.
Even now, with my new-found wisdom, I will still have to fight that urge on occasion. (I'm wiser, not a frigging saint.)
I see instances of other diarists, both popular or toiling in obscurity, whining about referring to their disappointment in comments within other diaries and sometimes within diaries they post specifically to point out this oversight. (Diary whoring or selling.)
Every time I see one of these comments it makes me cringe; as much by of the sheer number of them as by their whiny quality.
It also makes me want to hand the person posting them some fresh manila envelopes so they can self-inflict more pain.
My solution: write my whiny comment full of violins and tears without a header, soak in my pity pool until my feelings get all wrinkly, delete it and get the hell on with my life.
I have recently found the tag line advertising method. So I go look for diaries that I'm interested in posting in and voila! diary advertising without being too obnoxious. I hate overtly whoring my diaries and this saves me the trouble and humiliation.