At some point you just have to laugh. It's so damn crass.
The week before Earth Day, Walmart enlisted my eight year-old daughter's 2nd grade class in their effort to show a greener face to the local community. This happened to coincide with the MEPA comment period for the new 20 some acre, single resident, mall expansion that was rumored (and nothing more) to become a new Walmart Super Center. I can still laugh about this because the Walmartians failed to bamboozle my daughter. She could see their intentions weren't good. On her own, she figured it out. She learned they were, literally, just trying to sell her something sweet and syrupy.
This all began about two weeks ago on a Wednesday. My daughter's home that night was with me. So, I picked her up at her elementary school's after-care. We had a couple of hours before her gymnastics class. So, we drove into town to buy a couple of magazines. The road from her school was surrounded here and there by rows of 1960's ranch houses, hundred's year old Farm houses and their freshly ploughed fields, and other places where old fields had simultaneously sprouted five or six mini-mansions. Things sure are changing fast around here. We pulled into the strip mall parking lot right next to the local Walmart. That's when I first heard of what was going on.
"Dad I have some really bad news!"
"What sweetheart, what's bothering you?"
"We're going to Walmart this Friday for Earth Day"
"Hmmm?" "What are you going to do there?"
"We are going there with our class."
"Oh, what will you do there?"
"We are going to greet people and tell them about conservation."
Holy shit! Walmart is going to use my daughter as a prop in their latest green image PR campaign!
"Daddy I don't want to go there."
"Why, what's wrong?"
"We don't shop there because they're not nice".
"Oh. It bothers you to go there?"
"Yeah."
"Well. How about if you don't buy anything while your there?"
"O.K. then it wouldn't be so bad."
Months ago she asked me why we never shopped at Walmart. I told her then that I didn't like shopping there because of things that they did.
"What kinds of bad things do they do?"
"Well, they don't treat their workers very well."
"What, what do they do to them?"
"They don't pay them well. And they don't make many women workers bosses."
"What no girl bosses. Umm? That's not fair. Why are they mean to their workers?"
"They're just selfish. Greedy. They're not very good at sharing, I guess."
"What else do they do?"
"They are not very good to the earth. They pollute the water."
"Eewww, I don't like that."
It's now Thursday. The event is one day away. Most days, I pick her up after school, and today I'm taking her to her swim lesson. During the drive over, she opens her backpack and pulls out a handout. I can tell by her beaming face, that it's time for some singing.
"Daddy, listen to this!"
"What?"
"Oh, nothing, never mind".
"Oh, come on. Don't be shy. A song?"
She nods.
"Go ahead, I want to hear it."
(To the tune of Yankee Doodle,
Show you care, Emily Sagaki)
"You may live upon the plains
or near a hill or lake.
Show you care about the earth
there are simple steps to take.
Care for land and wildlife too.
Let's take care of our nation.
Keep our air and water clean
and practice conservation"
"Wow, that was great! What a great song".
"Ummmhew [giggle, smile]"
"You learned that at school today?"
She nods, "Yeah".
"We're going to sing it to the customers tomorrow. And talk to them about conservation."
My daughter then begins to rehearse the song again, and again. Normally I'd be psyched. Gladly sing along. But, my head starts to spin. My kid and her class are giving a musical performance to put the green shine on the local Walmart. There's going to be smiling, conservation song singing, local little kids in their store. Brilliant PR!
While my daughter was singing in the car, I bit my tongue and cheered her rehearsal on. Before and after the big event, I never said anything negative to her about it. I did ask her about Earth day at Walmart, and she told me it was fun. I smiled back at her. She really loves an audience. So, I know she enjoyed it.
Any way, when she's older and she understands the irony of all this, we can shake our heads and have a good laugh about it.
Well, I didn't have to wait long to laugh about it. Not too long at all, it only took about a week and a half. It was then that she discovered Walmart's true intentions and broke the news to me. We were driving back from her ballet lesson. She reached into her backpack and pulled out four sheets of paper tied together by some twine, and then grabbed some colored markers. She began to color the pages.
"Doing some coloring, Eh."
"U hmm"
"You get the pictures from school?"
"No, the lady at the Walmart gave them to us after we sang".
"That was nice of her."
I couldn't see what was on the pages while I was driving. But, after the drive I had a closer look.
Each of the four pages had a flowery header surrounding the title, "My Garden Party".
First scene. Smiling kids planting a garden and the mom at the gate with a tray full of soda cans.
Second scene. A baseball game viewed from the bench to the right of home plate. Little girl at bat. The pitcher is about to pitch. There's a can of soda up to the catcher's lips (Umm, Ump. Is that OK?). And sitting on the bench, three cans of soda with their labels pointed directly at the viewer.
Third scene. Backyard soccer game. Girl kicking ball into net. Boy with a can of soda staring at a picnic table with a plate full of sandwiches. Three cans of soda on the edge of the picnic table closest to the viewer. All of the labels, on all of the cans are pointing toward me. And the type is easily read.
Last scene. Little girls, dressed like their grandmothers, gathered around a table in the garden. They're all drinking from teacups and eating finger sandwiches. Very cute. Except for the girl closet to me. She's drinking from a can of soda and there's a can of soda at the base of the table.
The name on all of the soda cans, on every page, is the same. At the bottom of each sheet of paper "Have a great summer from [side-by-side Walmart and Scott's logos]."
We are nearing home and as she's coloring, she suddenly starts to fret, and looks over at me.
"Oh. Yuk. I don't like that"
"What, what's up?"
"I don't like all the soda cans everywhere."
"Where? In the River?"
"Nooo." "Here."
"In the picture? Soda cans?"
"Yeah."
"Oh, hmmm. Why don't you like them?"
"They're just trying to get me to like soda. "
"Oh, yeah?"
"They want me to drink Pepsi. That's why they gave me this.
I don't like that. It's bad for you."
"Oh, that's what you think they're up to?"
"Uh huh. That's not nice. I thought this was for us singing.
I don't want to shop there again, ever".