FAKE SOVEREIGNTY
By Peter Fredson
A PARABLE OF HOW FREEDOM AND DEMOCRACY ARE WON.
Fratboy George got several of his friends together to rob a bank operated by Jehovah's Witnesses. They walked in, waved guns about, tied up the employees, and began emptying the drawers of cash into large bags. Just before they left they had the bank president and vice president sign a very long waiver or statement of immunity, releasing them from any and all illegal acts that they had committed.
There were 97 separate "binding instructions or directives to the banking people" which would remain in force forever, and would give the robbers 10% of banking proceeds.
One of the directives would put the robbers on the Board of Directors with the ability to hire and fire as they pleased. Another directive would give the robbers parking space at the bank, a key to the executive washroom, and free coffee
An endowment of $25 million was to be set aside from bank income to be used to compensate the robbers and their families for any injury or insult they might have suffered at any time.
The directive called on banking people to "strive to the extent possible to achieve full transparency in all financial dealings" and called on the commission made up of robbers to consider issuing regulations to ensure "full democracy and morality."
Part of the statement had the bank president swear that he had not signed under duress. He was then forced to resign, and the robbers installed a friend as the new President. They told the employees that they would have "full sovereignty."
Then they raped the cashiers, smashed the Vice President's face, and peed on the floor. They left, laughing at the clever way they had committed the robbery and immunized themselves from any prosecution for any crime.
Fratboy said in a press interview: "The bankers can be free as long as they are under our control. As long as they do what we say. After all - they don't know how to be democratic. They are just dumb Witnesses. We have to teach them freedom and in order for them to learn it - they have to do what they are told."
The robbers went to trial but showed their document stating that they were operating legitimately. The local judge was a good friend of theirs, a constructionist and dominionist, who found that their document was perfectly valid, because Fratboy was in the church choir, talked frequently to his God, and had been forgiven for being a drunk and coke addict.
Furthermore the Jehovah's Witnesses deserved to be robbed because of their peculiar beliefs. There was no duress, everything was voluntary, the money vanished, and several of the robbers were trusted investment counselors. Case Closed.
Fratboy went on a lecture tour to brag how he had freed the bank employees, brought democracy to the banking world, straightened out the accounting system, and blamed any violence on the bank employee's uncooperative attitude and sinfulness. Besides, the charges of rape and smashing people's faces were sinful lies dreamed up to cast doubt upon Fratboy's honesty, morality, competence and saintliness.
The robbers then threatened other bankers, stating that unless they changed their evil ways they would be "called to account." In this way they took the moral high ground, and they all dressed up as successful bankers.
So Fratboy and his companions took their ill-gotten gains and everybody smirked happily, dreaming of the next bank they would rob.