Crossposted at
liberalstreetfighter.com
If there's one thing I know about Republicans these days, it's that they like to hide. When we didn't find WMDs they hid behind the flag. "If you criticize the President you're un-American!" When Iraq started going to Hell in a handbasket they hid behind the troops. "You can't criticize Bush! He's the commander-in-chief! That's a slap in the face of the military!" I was listening to a Republican caller on the Majority Report the other night, and I realized the new strategy is to hide from the party. How many times have you heard a `dittohead' friend say "I'm not a Republican! I'm a `X'"
I've been hearing this so much that I'm starting to wonder if there are any Republicans left in the world. Politically I'm proud to say I'm a Democrat. I'm proud to say I'm a liberal as well. To quote Longfellow, there "ain't no shame in my game." So I thought it was strange that so many Republicans are ashamed to say they're Republicans.
Then I realized it's a great way for Republicans to avoid taking personal responsibility for the people they voted for. In one simple statement you symbolically absolve yourself from the nightmare you helped create. "Hey, this isn't my fault! I'm objective! I don't just vote party-line." Like tax cuts increasing federal revenue and WMDs in Iraq, this statement is another Republican fantasy that doesn't withstand the crucible of reality.
Most commonly `X' equals `conservative.' This group doesn't like John McCain, Lincoln Chafee, Olympia Snow, and other like-minded, otherwise sane Republicans. It's the political equivalent of saying "Don't call me gay!" The face for this group used to be Rush Limbaugh, but once he started working with the Republican Party in an official capacity the validity of that claim kind of died. Today I would say that the face of the non-Republican conservative is Glenn Beck.
As a group the conservative non-Republicans like all the killin' but are getting plenty pissed at all the `liberal kowtowing.' Those of us on the left (or as I like say `those of us in the know') are left to wonder, "what `liberal kowtowing'? What the Hell are you talking about!?" My business partner explained this one to me few days ago.
"I'm just sick of these spineless Republicans who won't stand up to Ted Kennedy and say `Look! We're the majority now! You can't have everything you want anymore! You have to work with us.'"
I'm not exactly sure what happened after he said that. All I know for sure is that I blacked out for a little while. I'm not sure if it was one of my brain's natural defense mechanisms, or if too much laughter deprives the brain of oxygen. When I came to I asked him to continue, but for the love of God go slowly! Next time I might not wake up!
"It's just that the Democrats never have to compromise! Republicans just let them ride roughshod all over their legislation."
We waited five minutes for the lightheadedness to pass. "For example?", I asked.
"Okay, Ted Kennedy got to write the No Child Left Behind act, and now all he does is complain about it! Then they let him write the Medicare Prescription Drug bill which is costing us a fortune! That's the reason we've got such big deficits! Because Republicans never stand up to Democrats and say no. And that's why I say I'm a conservative and not a Republican. If the Republicans ever find their balls I'll call myself a Republican again."
"So, in the meantime...who are you going to vote for?"
"Well...Republicans of course!"
So he's only ever going to vote for Republicans, and he believes all the problems with the world stem from the activities of the Democratic minority, but he's not a Republican. This silent protest packs all of the substance of a `Support Our Troops" SUV magnet. But notice how they're able to say "hey, I don't agree with everything Republicans do" while at the same time blaming Democrats for the problem.
The second group defines `X' as `Libertarian.' Keep in mind this group has never voted for, campaigned for, or otherwise supported the actual Libertarian Party. What they mean is they don't hate gay people, and don't necessarily support an outright ban on abortion, but they support everything else Bush has done. The poster boy for the non-Republican Libertarian is Dennis Miller. More specifically it's the unfunny Dennis Miller of today, not the poignant, topical, hilarious Dennis Miller of the early 90s.
There at the end this is what I was. It defines my vote in the 2000 election. I was socially liberal, but fiscally conservative. I believed the social issues were off the table, so my vote was based on fiscal policy. Boy howdy, did I ever get the mother of all bait-and-switches.
Again I never joined, supported, voted for, or contributed to the Libertarian Party. I don't know a single plank in their Party platform to this day. But the beliefs of the actual Party didn't matter. What mattered was that I could call myself `free thinking' without all of the navel-gazing that such a position usually entails.
And so it is with those who think they can duck responsibility by clinging to the Libertarian label. Usually you're hear this group engage in over-simplifications making statements like, "between George W. Bush and Saddam Hussein, Saddam's the bad guy." Or half-way measures like "I think gay people should be able to have relationships, but they should stop short of marriage." Can anyone explain to me what features of a marriage you can leave out and do something other than create a second-class citizen?
Those are the two non-Republican Republican groups that I'm familiar with. I'm curious to know if there are any others. At the end of the day I've decided that this Republican shame is a good thing for us. It's the figurative missing scale from the equally figurative Republican Smaug's underbelly. Now let's get some arrows in the air to take that big, ugly bastard down!