I was not, thankfully, a part of the pie-throwing here on dKos, but I'm deeply saddened as I look upon the aftermath. A desire to help in a way that I've been helped enormously led me to dig out and then find online publications by
Ricky Sherover-Marcuse, Ph.D., that were required reading in a class I took in college that showed me that I could go on thinking that there was NO latent discrimination in me or I could take a much, much closer look at that assumption and deal with being proven wrong. The publications assume that in some way, we will all at one time or another be part of a "target group"--the "targeting" being social oppression. And that the only way that such oppression can be overcome is with the help of allies from the group doing the targeting (e.g., whites have been and will be more influential among their peer group than will blacks; a white racist is infinitely more likely to succumb to peer pressure from a white friend than he/she is to listen to a member of the group he or she has been conditioned to believe is "inferior".)
I hope you'll join me below the fold.
Here are
the points given for those who wish to be allies to those in such groups:
STRATEGIES FOR BEING AN EFFECTIVE ALLY
- Assume that all people in your own group including yourself want to be allies to people in other groups. Assume that you are good enough and smart enough to be an effective ally. (This does not mean that you have nothing more to learn--see # 6, below.)
- Assume that you have a perfect right to be concerned with other people's liberation issues, and that it is in your own interest to do so and to be an ally.
- Assume that all people in the target group want you and members of your group as allies. Assume that they recognize you as such--at least potentially.
- Assume that any appearances to the contrary (any apparent rejections of you as an ally) are the result of target group people's experience of oppression and internalized oppression.
- Assume that people in the target group are already communicating to you in the best way they can at the present time. Assume that they can and will do better. Think about how to assist them in this without making your support dependent upon their "improving" in any way. (Hint: think about what has been helpful for you when you were in the target group position).
- Assume that target group people are experts on their own experience, and that you have much to learn from them. Use your own intelligence and your own experience as a target group member to think about what the target group people might find useful.
- Recognize that as a non-target person you are an expert on the experience of having been conditioned to take the oppressor role. This means that you know the content of the lies which target group people have internalized. Don't let timidity force you into pretended ignorance.
- Assume that target group people are survivors and that they have a long history of resistance. Become an expert on this history and assist target group people to take full pride in it.
- Become an expert on all the issues which are of concern to people in the target group, especially the issues which are most closely tied in to their internalized oppression. Assume that making mistakes is part of the learning process of being an ever more effective ally. Be prepared for flare-ups of disappointment and criticism. Acknowledge and apologize for mistakes; learn from them, but don't retreat.
- Recognize that people in the target group can spot "oppressor-role conditioning"; do not bother with trying to "convince" them that this conditioning did not happen to you. Don't attempt to convince target group people that you "are on their side"; just be there.
- Do not expect "gratitude" from people in the target group; thoughtfully interrupt if it is offered to you. Remember, being an ally is a matter of your choice. It is not an obligation; it is something you get to do.
- Be a 100% ally; no deals; no strings attached: "I'll oppose your oppression if you oppose mine." Everyone's oppression needs to be opposed unconditionally.
And the points for those in need of allies outside of their "target group":
STRATEGIES FOR WINNING ALLIES
- Assume that you and all members of your group deserve allies.
- Assume that your liberation issues are justifiably of concern to all people outside your group.
- Assume that people in other groups are your natural allies; assume that all people outside your group want to be allies for you and that it is in their interest for them to do so.
- Assume that it is only other people's own oppression and internalized oppression that prevents them (temporarily) from being effective allies to you at all times.
- Assume that your allies are doing the best they can at the present time, given their own oppression and internalized oppression. Assume that they can and will do better.
- Assume that you are the expert on your own experience and that you have information which other people need to hear.
- Speak from your own experience without comparing your oppression to theirs.
- Assume that your experience is also an experience of victories; be sure to share these--as well as the stories of how things are hard.
- Expect perfection from your allies; expect them to be able to deal with the "difficult issues" in your struggle. Assume that allies make mistakes; be prepared to be disappointed, and continue to expect the best from them.
- Assume that you have a perfect right to assist your allies to become more effective for you. Assume that you can choose to do this at any time. Take full pride in your ability to do this.
And finally, Dr. Sherover-Marcuse's advice for overcoming the obstacles we encounter when endeavoring to work with and in a heterogeneous group:
Guidelines for Improving Communication Within a Diverse Working Group
- Begin with the assumption that all human beings are natural communicators, and that we all desire warm, close relationships with each other.
- Assume that biological/cultural/ethnic/sexual/religious/age differences between human beings are never the real cause of difficulties in communication.
- Assume that the real cause of such difficulties is the division and separation resulting from institutionalized imbalances in social and economic power, i.e. social oppression. The conditioning which perpetuates the divisions between us separates us into target and non-target groups.
- People who are the target group of a particular form of mistreatment are socialized to become victims; people who are the non-target group of a particular form of mistreatment are socialized to become perpetrators--either in a direct, active form or in an indirect, passive form. Neither of these roles serves our best interests as human beings.
- Assume that no one wanted these roles; no one wanted these divisions. Everyone resisted the social conditioning to take on these roles as best they could. But the hurts from this conditioning cling to us and make it difficult to see and hear each other clearly. We make unaware assumptions about what other people are thinking and feeling. We forget to check in with each other and to really listen.
- Assume that issues of oppression always have some connection to difficulties in communication. Assume that racism, sexism, job status, etc. always figure in somewhere.
- Assume that target group people are always the experts on their own experience and that they have perspectives and information which non-target people need to hear.
- Assume that when everything is taken into account, every human being has always communicated as clearly as they could, and in general has always done the best that they could in every single situation.
- Assume that in spite of the ways we have been divided, it is possible to reach through those divisions, to listen to each other well and to change habitual ways of acting which have kept us separated.
I genuinely hope this is of help.